Where are all the ace AWers?

JetFueledCar

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There are, what, 60,000 people on this forum? That means according to the current estimate there should be about 600 asexual people. Where are y'all? Do you write about ace characters? Do you read about ace characters? (If you do, will you give me recs, because I can't find any books about them.) Are y'all in relationships? Aromantic? Single but looking? Tell me about yourselves.
 

StormChord

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Hi!

I'm ace, not aromantic, and not certain of my romantic orientation.

Not in a relationship, not sure if I want to look for a relationship, not sure how I'd do it if I wanted to.

I try to write characters of varying orientations, not just aces - which can be tricky, because sex drives confuse the hell out of me, so I can only characterize allosexual characters so well.

I would read about aces, if I could find anything about them. So far I know of one webcomic with an ace aro protagonist - supernormal step - and it does pretty well with the representation, but I wish there were a little more available.

:Cake:
 

JetFueledCar

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High five! I'm ace and grey-aro. One of my MCs is explicitly ace-aro, others are explicitly allo. Have you read The Circle of Magic​ by Tamora Pierce? Tris is implied to be asexual and aromantic. It's a breath of fresh air, tbqh.
 

ZachJPayne

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I'm another ace/uncertain romantic orientation.

My current WIP focuses on a Lesbian couple, but does feature an adult/mentor character that is asexual.

Honestly, the lack of representation -- both good and bad -- is kind of worrying.
 

JetFueledCar

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High five! I had a lesbian couple in Inked, an ace MC in Runaways, a bi MC in Wicked, and a lesbian MC in Null. I have a severe lack of straight characters but decent rep for everyone else. B)

What's troubling for me, being grey-aro, is that a lack of love is usually portrayed as making someone less than human. It's basically THE defining trait for quite a few villains. Asexuality, OTOH, is just... lacking. It's like most people can't even imagine not wanting to get naked with someone, or even being apathetic towards it.

- - - Updated - - -

BTW I volunteer as beta for anyone and everyone's books with ace characters, just so I get to read them.
 

maxmordon

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I'm... not sure. Someone suggested to me I may be demisexual but never have had a romantic relationship, much less anywhere near to engage in sex, so I'm not sure.

Lots of my characters tend to be... complicated in that regard.
 

Viridian

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High five! I'm ace and grey-aro. One of my MCs is explicitly ace-aro, others are explicitly allo. Have you read The Circle of Magic​ by Tamora Pierce? Tris is implied to be asexual and aromantic. It's a breath of fresh air, tbqh.
She is?? I never noticed that. Then again, I also missed that Lalasa (from her Tortall series) is a lesbian. Though I caught on to Rosethorn and Lark pretty quick.
 

JetFueledCar

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She is?? I never noticed that. Then again, I also missed that Lalasa (from her Tortall series) is a lesbian. Though I caught on to Rosethorn and Lark pretty quick.

I'm not sure Word of God has weighed in on this but Tris is never interested in relationships and avoids getting dragged into conversations about them and whatnot. Sounds ace to me.

Maxmordan, welcome! All shades of the ace spectrum are welcome here. Now where did I put the champagne...

Also I just found out Devin (of my current editing project) is biromantic but asexual, not bisexual.
 

maxmordon

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Another friend also suggested I could be aromantic. I can't say. I yearn the closeness of a relationship (something I never have had) but also picture it as some sort of upgraded friendship.

I tend to write short stories and never put that much thought on characters (one of my biggest flaws is focusing on the concept over all things) but on my novel attempts I feel some signs of the asexual spectrum could be seen and I guess it's a reflection of myself: For them, having sex ranges from unimportant to physically revolting and I can relate to those feelings in different stages of my life.
 

hrj

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I tried pretty hard to depict Antuniet in The Mystic Marriage as demisexual (and had to push back against my publisher a little to keep that).
 

slashedkaze

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I'm an ace, and /almost/ aro. (By which I mean to say I haven't had a crush in three years. They don't happen often, and have never led to anything.)

I've written an ace character for an event run by the m/m romance group on Goodreads. You can find it in my sigline, I think. It's short, though... and features wolf shifters. :)
 
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tinyCirrusCloud

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*raises hand*

Aro ace here. Romance is very confusing to me, especially when it comes to the sexual part. When I write, I actually have to actively remind myself that most people are romantic and sexual and perhaps desire romantic and/or sexual relationships.

I try to write as many different orientations as I can, though my current WIP does feature an ace character.

It's funny though, when I get enough into a sexual character's mindset, I feel like I can almost get what that whole shebang feels like. Anyone else get that?
 

JetFueledCar

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Yay so many aces! I feel no longer alone! And Cirrus, that happens to me too. I can actually enjoy reading romance, even the steamy kind, because it's like I'm putting myself in the character's headspace and that headspace enjoys sex. But then when I'm out of my head and in my body it's like... Nope no do not want thank you no bye.

And SK, that is basically me. I have a pretty serious crush ATM but it's my first one since high school so I still consider myself pretty much aro.
 

slashedkaze

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It's funny though, when I get enough into a sexual character's mindset, I feel like I can almost get what that whole shebang feels like. Anyone else get that?

This might be the whole reason my main genre is romance. Funny how that works.

JetFueledCar, that's cool. :)
 
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Latina Bunny

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I'm uncertain. I'm a romantic at heart, though. I get crushes, but sexual arousal? Only for women who I know about. Hmm...I may be demi? Not sure....
 

shivadyne

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hi, i'm right here! i'm a demiromantic ace, though it took me a while to figure that out.

i write with ace characters, yes, and i read about ace characters. they're... not common at all in published books, but in fanfictions, they're a little more common at least. it's a bit refreshing since i can think of maybe two asexual characters in popular media and neither have been confirmed. :/

i try to be diverse with sexualities when i write my characters so i actually don't have as many ace characters as i'd think. it's kind of nice to write about asexual characters since i've read some stories about... correcting them and the like which are quite obviously not made by asexual people. those are usually pretty upsetting.
 
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JetFueledCar

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I'm uncertain. I'm a romantic at heart, though. I get crushes, but sexual arousal? Only for women who I know about. Hmm...I may be demi? Not sure....

Sounds demi to me. Welcome to the ace spectrum, have a beer.

hi, i'm right here! i'm a demiromantic ace, though it took me a while to figure that out.

i write with ace characters, yes, and i read about ace characters. they're... not common at all in published books, but in fanfictions, they're a little more common at least. it's a bit refreshing since i can think of maybe two asexual characters in popular media and neither have been confirmed. :/

i try to be diverse with sexualities when i write my characters so i actually don't have as many ace characters as i'd think. it's kind of nice to write about asexual characters since i've read some stories about... correcting them and the like which are quite obviously not made by asexual people. those are usually pretty upsetting.

Hello shivadyne, welcome to the cool kids' table. Yeah, it's not so great when people are even like "You just haven't found the right person!" I have a crush, but it's my first in about five years and doesn't make me any less asexual, and I'm still basically aro. There's just an exception right now.
 

shivadyne

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Hello shivadyne, welcome to the cool kids' table. Yeah, it's not so great when people are even like "You just haven't found the right person!" I have a crush, but it's my first in about five years and doesn't make me any less asexual, and I'm still basically aro. There's just an exception right now.

yeah, definitely! i've usually had people say, "you just haven't found the right man." waaay annoying.

i've noticed there's a trend of dictating someone's sexuality based on who they're dating or interested in currently. it's really gross.
 

RedRajah

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Still trying to figure out if I'm ace or just have a non-existent libido. Have talked to both a mental health therapist, a gynecologist and a physical therapist about it.
 

Fruitbat

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Good luck with it.
 
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RedRajah

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I have one. It works wonderfully. I just don't have any sort of urge when it comes to wanting intercourse.
 

JetFueledCar

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yeah, definitely! i've usually had people say, "you just haven't found the right man." waaay annoying.

i've noticed there's a trend of dictating someone's sexuality based on who they're dating or interested in currently. it's really gross.

I'm currently interested in a woman. The last time I had a crush it was on a girl (I was sixteen, she was fifteen, yes it's been that long since I had a crush). So by most standards I'd appear to be interested in women exclusively--but then there's a strong aesthetic appeal in certain male bodies for me. So... *le shrug*

Still trying to figure out if I'm ace or just have a non-existent libido. Have talked to both a mental health therapist, a gynecologist and a physical therapist about it.

If you have a working sex drive but no sexual attraction, then that's pretty much the definition of asexual. If you're on medication for anything it might reduce your libido and skew the results, but it sounds to me like asexuality. If that bothers you and you'd rather be sexual, then talk to someone. But if it doesn't bother you, it doesn't need "fixing." And if it fits but you don't like the label, you don't have to use it. Wonderful thing about sexuality: You get to define your identity.
 

Viridian

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Still trying to figure out if I'm ace or just have a non-existent libido. Have talked to both a mental health therapist, a gynecologist and a physical therapist about it.
If you don't mind me asking... what's the difference?

I thought i understood asexuality, but i guess not. I thought asexual = no desire to have sex.

Sorry if this isn't the place for questions. I'll hush and go somewhere else if you like. :)
 

JetFueledCar

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If you don't mind me asking... what's the difference?

I thought i understood asexuality, but i guess not. I thought asexual = no desire to have sex.

Sorry if this isn't the place for questions. I'll hush and go somewhere else if you like. :)

Asexual means no sexual attraction. It does not mean no desire to masturbate, no ability to get aroused, etc. Plenty of asexual people masturbate or read erotica to get aroused. Asexual people are also perfectly capable of enjoying sex with other people (some of us, anyway; I'm not. I find sex boring at best and gross at worst). There's a range within asexuality of having a libido and being able to enjoy sex and wanting to masturbate versus not having a libido and not being able to enjoy sex and not wanting to masturbate (again, I'm the latter). But the myths surrounding asexuality mean that not everyone might know these things, and not everyone might realize that just because they enjoy masturbating doesn't mean they're not asexual.

But as I said it's totally up to each individual person how they identify, and if RedRajah is uncomfortable with it they're under no obligation to identify as asexual.