Changing POV in a short story - advice, please

My question is whether or not the following is too complicated or awkward for a 6K story.

I’m editing a short erotic story involving three main characters (all male). The shorter version is told from MC#1’s POV (in first person) and works well. To develop the other two characters more, I’ve restored a long section with only MC2 and MC3 that I had removed for length requirements in a previous submission. As it would be difficult to have MC1 tell this part of the story, I want to change to another POV. I think the story will benefit from the addition. Rather than change the narrating character, I’ve written that part in third person.

The basic structure: MC1 & MC2 are introduced; they work together. MC3 (MC2’s husband) shows up at the office and goes into another room with MC2. Naughtiness and foreshadowing happen. MC3 leaves. Circumstances bring the three together in the main portion of the story.

If I leave out the section in question, readers learn almost nothing about MC2 because he’s forbidden to speak in the three-way BDSM scene. It still works, but I like the longer version and want to show the interpersonal dynamics of the trio. Does this sound too complex or awkward?

The original version had third person throughout, and I think it's weaker that way.

Thanks!

Thanks, Maryn. That makes sense.

I should have mentioned that the part of the story with all three men interacting is one BDSM scene (3K words) with MC2 having only three lines. The story ends there.

Maryn said:

... you couldn't figure out any other way to present the plot and character development in the scene(s).

Click to expand...

I think that might be the case. The structure doesn't allow for dropping in pieces of other characters, not the type I want, primarily because the scene in question shows how they interact as spouses in private. I do want to show, not tell, this part.

Alternatives I see now:
~Change the whole thing to third person. It's a bit less powerful, but not bad. I have an earlier draft of that version saved.
~Drop the private scene with the other two characters. It's a good little story without it.
~Have MC1 overhear the interaction. *checks scene again* Oh, never mind. That would suck, and not in the good way.

Thanks, Sloane, for the great advice.

My rarely-speaking character spends much of his time naked and in bondage, with his activities and movements limited, so he really won't get to express much in that scene, not the sorts of things that I want.

In order to submit something to an anthology on time and within the word limit, I changed it all to third person. I still prefer first person and will keep your guidance in mind when I next work on the series.

Thanks, JetFueledCar.

If it's rejected again, I'll have another chance to work on the POV. It's been done in first person, with a slightly different premise, and with females, all without the troublesome scene. One version was selected as a backup for an anthology (in case the publisher wanted to replace a story). Since the most recent opportunity allowed longer stories, I was able to keep the scene with the other two characters.