Lost all enthusiasm for my story

lizo27 said:

That it's possible to write well and to know you're writing well? That I can get it right eventually and not perpetually feel like a miserable hack who's just incapable of doing something I really want to do?

Click to expand...

It's definitely possible to write well. All the awesome authors ever prove that.

To know you're writing well? I don't know if that's possible or not. There are plenty of stories of top-tier artists who detested their most successful work. Tchaiovsky, for example, totally hated his "Nutcracker Suite," but its held up pretty darn well.

Can you get it right eventually? Probably. How do you define "right" though? Up to your own standards? Positive feedback from readers? Money? Distribution? It might be useful to sit down and decide what your "right" is going to be.

If you decide to go with "your own standards" than it may be counter-productive to be "your own worst critic," because then nothing will ever be good enough and yes, you will:

perpetually feel like a miserable hack who's just incapable of doing something [you] really want to do.


Either cut yourself some slack or find some other satisfactory measure of success. Otherwise you're just torturing yourself. I mean jeez, you can't be that terrible. You write interesting and coherent forum posts; I don't see why you wouldn't write interesting and coherent stories.

lizo27 said:

That it's possible to write well and to know you're writing well? That I can get it right eventually and not perpetually feel like a miserable hack who's just incapable of doing something I really want to do?

Click to expand...

I hate to say that you won't be happy unless you get that precise answer...but it sounds very much like you won't be happy unless you get that precise answer. In which case you're more looking for confirmation of what you want to be true than you are other people's experiences with this kind of thing. And that's a tricky thing.

There aren't many writers that I know who don't feel that miserable hack feeling at least a chunk of the time. That is, I think, in part because many of us are trained to spot flaws but not see solutions. And I don't know about you, but I also tend to view my work as vaguely embarrassing because writing IS subjective. There's no way to solve it like an equation. Different stories speak to different people -- and that's always been the case with writing.

It sounds like what you actually need is to figure out why you feel like a miserable hack regardless of the subjective quality of your writing. If it's something you love, and you enjoy doing it, then do it. If it comes down to it, find some people you trust and then let their opinion count for more than your own. But I think it's realistic to say that a lot of us -- even though of us who have experienced fiscal rewards for our writing -- still get that frustrated, incompetent feeling sometimes.

Lizo - we are not miserable! There is a delicious ebb and flow about the creative process. We take a lump of clay. Formless, ugly, inelegant. It looks a bit like excrement.

And then we mould it. We shape it. We force it into the shapes that we want. We make that meaningless clay into a work of art. Then we polish it. Bit by bit, we make that clay into something beautiful. It takes time. There will be moments when you think it will never come together. But we force it to be something that it isn't. We create.

You think I'm talking about the written word? Perhaps. In part. We take the crap of our first draft and we mould and work it into highly polished art.

But I'm also talking about you. You the writer. You the creator. You the dreamer.

We take a new writer and we push and mould them into a better writer. And then we polish and perfect into a great writer. Bit by bit, polish by polish. Grinding crap into gold.

Trust me. It works. But first you've got to throw those doubts away. You can be a great writer. Stop doubting. Go do it.

lizo27 said:

That it's possible to write well and to know you're writing well? That I can get it right eventually and not perpetually feel like a miserable hack who's just incapable of doing something I really want to do?

Click to expand...

But people HAVE told you that. Here it is again: It IS possible to write well and know you are writing well. There are many, many ways you can tell if you're writing well. One of them is to have beta readers. My beta readers tell me when something works and when something doesn't. Another way is to read widely. Over time, you'll develop a sense of what works and what doesn't. And another way: critique as much as you can. You can critique queries in QLH or whole MSs or just chapters in SYW. Whatever it is you critique, it will definitely help with your own writing as you will hone your skills of picking out what works and what doesn't.

When you do build up these skills, you will learn to differentiate between good and bad writing, even when it comes to your own work. You will know when something genuinely needs work (and this is great because it's something you can fix) versus just your inner editor telling you it sucks.

The bad news is, posting about what a miserable hack you are over and over isn't going to get you anywhere. At some point, you'll actually have to stop convincing yourself that you suck and decide that yes, there are things you can do to improve your writing as well as sharpen your awareness of what good writing is, and you either do them or you don't.

lizo27 said:

That it's possible to write well and to know you're writing well? That I can get it right eventually and not perpetually feel like a miserable hack who's just incapable of doing something I really want to do?

Click to expand...

Well, based on my post upthread, I guess you would figure that I'll say something like "As long as one is using vague and highly interpretable criteria like 'doing it well' or 'good/bad' one is setting oneself up for failure. However, it is possible to come up with a set of concrete attributes common to the writing one values and wants to emulate, and to the extent that these attributes are concrete, it is very possible to know when one has achieved them."

"That's your Uncle talking"

(pleeeze tell me you do Star Wars...)

If your standard is to reach publishable levels--almost anyone can get there with enough work, focus, and discipline. If your standard is Scott Fitzgerald then no, no everyone can get there. But trying to get there really really hard may produce a cool individual style.

It would help if you can identify your goals: "I want to write sentences like X, develop characters like Y, maintain pacing like Z, and sucker punch readers with twists and double crosses like H". Then you can begin to analyze what is it that makes the sentences of X and characters of Y so cool, and begin trying to achieve similar effect with your own stuff.

Your own stuff will likely always feel inferior to that of X and Y, all the way to the point when you realize that no matter whose technique you adapt for your uses, your style is still your own, and the only comparison that matters is that to your style last year.

Also, once you've written 1-2-3 book-sized project from start to finish, let me repeat this, from start to finish, you start "seeing the Matrix" layer by layer. Stuff which was barely comprehensible whitchdoctor mumbo-jumbo suddenly comes into focus and makes sense. Dialogues, paragraphs, hooks, scenes--their mechanics become visible. Wordchoices become very real changes in rhythm and voice. Narrative loops to keep complicated scenes from collapse. Knowing when to zoom in and when to zoom out. When to speed up and when to slow down. It all makes sense now. Wow, look at my hand. Wow, look at the design of the carpet. I can hear the universe breathe.

lizo27 said:

I think the problem is that in the back of my mind I think there's something silly and pretentious about me believing I can write something anyone would ever want to read. I read the books I love and think I'm so stupid for pretending I can do anything like that.

Click to expand...

I feel like this all the time. But the truth is that you've got ideas of your own and a writing style of your own. Write what you want to read, and worry about everyone else later.

Hitting a point where you can't write anymore probably means you should change your story or that's something not write. You could backtrack through your manuscript and see what is bogging the story down. Or you could totally revamp it.

Remember to never give up!

I hope you haven't misinterpreted everyone's advice. Most of us probably feel like me: that if writing is this excruciating and soul-destroyingly painful right now, maybe you need to take a few weeks off. Marathon some series on Netflix. Read whatever books have caught your eye and if you must write, work on other projects. Because there's a moment where sometimes you're so mired in the problem that all you can see is the problem, with no escape in sight. In that case, a break is good. It gives your creative mind some time to rest a little and when you come back to it, you may be able to see a way out. Because while persistence is a good thing, sometimes bloodying your fists over and over as you pound against a wall that stubbornly refuses to come down, is a bad thing. The physical and psychological pain that results from that kind of persistence, can blind you to other easier options. So take a break, a few weeks off to lick your wounds and heal. Then come back to it.

Plus like I said, if during those few weeks, your story still nags at you, then you'll know it's one you're meant to write.

lizo27 said:

Well, I'm going to finish the draft.

Click to expand...

I can't even count the number of times I pushed on writing a draft without feeling the magic, and then my proof reader(s) loved the parts I hated. If you don't like what you're writing, sometimes it is worth getting a second opinion, just in case you're wrong.

lizo27 said:

I'm working on a draft of a story I abandoned a year ago and have restarted. I've hit a wall--pretty much at the same point where I gave up on it last time. I'm not sure what's going wrong, but it feels very flat and dead and I just can't muster much energy to keep going with it. At this point I feel I have 3 options: 1) just keep slogging through the draft and hope it starts coming together soon; 2) take a break to outline and see if I can work it out that way (and probably start over . . . again); or 3) abandon it completely and start working on a new idea (I don't have any). None of these options is terribly appealing.

Click to expand...

I am in a similar place. I never abandoned this story, I've just been working on it a long while. Now, so close to the end, I'm not happy with the last chapters. Not happy with the length of the book. Don't want to write the sequel. I'm sure you know what I mean, 'cause I sure understand what you are going through. Everything seems wrong, and I am at a loss.

lizo27 said:

I think the problem is that in the back of my mind I think there's something silly and pretentious about me believing I can write something anyone would ever want to read. I read the books I love and think I'm so stupid for pretending I can do anything like that.

Click to expand...

Yes, I get that too. But then I have moments when I think: This is pretty damn good, and anybody who likes this sort of thing would enjoy it. Do you ever have moments like that? But me, I am not aiming for fame and fortune. Well, fortune would be very nice, but fame is not something I want. I'd be happy for people, preferably a lot of people,to read my books and enjoy them, and add a few $ to my wallet. If you are reaching higher, maybe this isn't the book to take you there, but finishing is still important, and maybe the next one will bring you the accolades you crave.

lizo27 said:

Well, I'm going to finish the draft. The more I think about it, the more I think it is self-sabotage. It's my oldest defense mechanism rearing its ugly head--self-deprecation.

Click to expand...

Good for you. I'm going to try to finish mine, too. Maybe by the time I get it to the beta reading stage I'll come up with the perfect solution to my ending.