The utterly squalid, wretchedly deprived, bravely-trying-to-maintain-appearances tea salon

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CassandraW

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Of course! I shudder to think of those less fortunate dears that grew up without proper instructions on conversing and withholding mentions of our...nether regions. I happen to know a few ladies who might part with their china, I can be quite persuasive.


oh, I can see you will fit in nicely here at the utterly squalid, wretchedly deprived, bravely-trying-to-maintain-appearances tea salon.

do what you must to obtain the china. but you must, of course, never speak of it.
 

hutton1323

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oh, I can see you will fit in nicely here at the utterly squalid, wretchedly deprived, bravely-trying-to-maintain-appearances tea salon.

do what you must to obtain the china. but you must, of course, never speak of it.


Why thank you Dear Cassandra
 

Kylabelle

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Don't give her too much of that, she'll get insufferable.

And by the way, I think I have a few old sippy cups hanging around in the back of the cupboard here. I could donate them if you like. I think they're mostly clean, well, except the one we used that time to dose the dog. If I can remember which one that is. I think it was the bl... no it was the red one I'm sure. Unless it was this yellow one. Oh well. You'll be able to tell soon enough.
 

hutton1323

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Don't give her too much of that, she'll get insufferable.

And by the way, I think I have a few old sippy cups hanging around in the back of the cupboard here. I could donate them if you like. I think they're mostly clean, well, except the one we used that time to dose the dog. If I can remember which one that is. I think it was the bl... no it was the red one I'm sure. Unless it was this yellow one. Oh well. You'll be able to tell soon enough.


Hmm well I'm sure we can do the sippy cup test on Appy
 

GailD

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Kylabelle, thank you so much for your kind offer of sippy cups. Doubtless we shall find them most useful. Are they the kind that don't fall over because they are weighted in the bottom? I had a friend like that once.

I should mention that I won't be able to join you delightful people for tea tomorrow as I shall have to arise at an unholy hour (I fear those numbers should not even be on a bedside time-piece) and board a so-called flying machine that will take me Cape Town. This does not bother me. What is causing me grave concern is that once I am there I am to be shrunk to a miniature and placed in box with a glass window and then obliged to answer all sorts of questions about my book. What's worse, and I could faint from the distress, is that thousands of people will be watching me in this box. I cannot fathom how or why they would desire to do this.

I am a modern woman and I do possess a long-distance speaking device. I offered the producer of this box-spectacle the opportunity to conduct a discourse with me via the device but no, they want to put me in the box. I have no idea why. Especially since I have a perfect face for the long-distance speaking device - talking box, not so much.

However, my kind friends, although the flying machine has been touted as 'low-cost' and while I think it most unlikely that I shall be served tea in anything vaguely resembling fine china, I shall endeavor to slip whatever possible into my purse. We do so need to improve our stock of crockery and cutlery, do we not?

I do look forward to seeing you all on Thursday. :)
 

CassandraW

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My very dear Miss Dee, I do feel for you most sincerely. Imagine, displaying a lady of your refined sensibilities to the public in such a manner! A glass box indeed.

Such trials are sent to test us. Soldier onward, dear lady, with corsets tightly laced and back unbowed, and be sure at no time to reveal your ankles unless you can thereby (and in no other manner) procure a fresh supply of unchipped china.

Be assured we shall speak of it only in whispers, and behind your back.
 

GailD

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Hello ladies. I am back. And I do thank you all for your very kind words of encouragement. I think I did conduct myself with decorum and did not make a complete twit of myself or bring this fair establishment into disrepute.

The 'low-cost' flying machines are, however, a bunch of scrooges. On the way back I ordered a cheese platter. Imagine my shock when a small cardboard box arrived. It contained six tiny biscuits no bigger than the palm of your hand and two tubs of cheese about the size of your thumbnail. Along with that was a ridiculous plastic knife. The tea was served in a polystyrene cup!!! (All of this, I should add came to the princely sum of *does currency exchange calculation* just over US$5!!) My dears, no matter how much we've been forced to suffer through the difficult times upon which this establishment has fallen, never let it be said that we would ever stoop so low as to use plastic knives and polystyrene cups.

I did, however, keep my pinkie finger raised while I drank my tea. :)
 

tiddlywinks

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A short note flutters into the salon:

Dear fellow pinkie-raised steepers of mystery and decorum,

Forgive my continued absence. I have been waylaid by a rather dreary case of illness, of what nature I know not. I only know that my corset is killing me every time I cough, um, not exactly delicately, into my handkerchief. Thankfully, I have managed to abstain from cursing the heavens thus far for these unfortunate circumstances, though I may have shook my fist a time or two. In between genteel coughing fits.

Thought of decorous discourse, proper adherence to feminine etiquette, and tea and scones of course sustain me. Along with the vehement denials of my wanton hussiness with Miss Dee. (Just, er, don't ask how I ended up with this current illness. But rest assured it was for a good cause, as I am now in proper petticoats and a corset that is shiny, properly laced. And tight. And itchy. But I digress.)

Until my return, may your scones be scrumptious and your tea not tepid,

Winks
 

T Robinson

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Huh, so this place is still here. Well, I suppose that is good. Why is there a moving truck at the back door, out of sight?
 

GailD

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Huh, so this place is still here. Well, I suppose that is good. Why is there a moving truck at the back door, out of sight?

Did that large carriage you observed perhaps have the words 'Repossession Mann - the lord giveth and the creditors taketh away' emblazoned on the side? If so, it might explain why the last of our Queen Anne chairs and cherry wood tables are no longer here.

Either that, or we've been broken into by a bunch of scoundrels, I fear.

*weeps*

*brings in a few empty crates from the alleyway*

*covers largest crates with table cloths*

*places napkins over moth-eaten holes in fabric*

But I we do have some English Breakfast and English Afternoon tea. Anyone for elevensies?

:D
 

tiddlywinks

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*traipses in, pulling surreptitiously at petticoats*
*waves in paint and construction crew*

Hello, steepers of divine leaf mystery!

Don't mind them. They're just busy building an Escher-like maze into the back wall. For reasons. That do not involve Jim Henson or a former music icon. Much.

*sips tea with pinky extended*

Aren't they just delightful? I found them on my way home. Riding around on their Harleys with their leather jackets and all. They said they had some time on their hands, and I had this brilliant idea to cheer the place up while we await word of our dear, dear Captain.

Oh!

*rummages around in giant purse*

Look, I even brought scones. With clotted cream, no less.

~Winks, who is certainly not missing her corset and trying to hide said missing corset with sundry other items
 

ap123

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Ouch! What the heck did I just sit on?

Umm, Tiddly, I think I found your corset.

I'll take a scone, thank you, and a fresh hot cuppa. :D
 

CassandraW

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I fully approve of the new Bowie-inspired decor. I shall put his latest album upon the Victrola to set the proper mood.

Mercy, we appear to have quite the unexpected influx of gentlemen callers. Would they perhaps enjoy some cucumber sandwiches with their tea and scones? We're out of cucumber here, but I notice there seem to be quite a few floating about the cabaret. I could dash over and slice some up.

Er...Tiddlywinks, my dear. I do hate to be personal, but I must discreetly hint that your abdomen appears to be fluctuating in an unseemly manner, as though you are...breathing. Perhaps your corset needs a wee adjustment?
 

GailD

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I rather think it might be the wee adjustment that caused dear Tiddles the problem with the wretched thing in the first place.

*places a jar of strawberry jam on the table*

And thank you kindly for the scones. I managed to acquire some strawberry jam to accompany them. (Let's not question how.) And yes, it's jam. Not what you ladies are prone to call 'jelly.' Jelly is... well... why we need corsets in the first place, isn't it?

*wanders off to talk to construction help with fascinating engravings on his forearms*

Can I interest you in some tart?
 

tiddlywinks

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Ouch! What the heck did I just sit on?

Umm, Tiddly, I think I found your corset.

Damn!

*hears sudden rattle of teacups in saucers*

Uh...I mean, thanks so kindly for finding my corset, dear, DEAR ap! Forgive me. My coarse language just now was my inner excitement unleashing at the thought of binding myself appropriately once more in that doesn't-itch-like-the-dickens-can't-breathe-in-it vision of refinement and decorum.


We're out of cucumber here, but I notice there seem to be quite a few floating about the cabaret. I could dash over and slice some up.

Er...Tiddlywinks, my dear. I do hate to be personal, but I must discreetly hint that your abdomen appears to be fluctuating in an unseemly manner, as though you are...breathing. Perhaps your corset needs a wee adjustment?

*puts back cucumber sandwich*

Perhaps it's the excitement at finding my corset, but I suddenly seem to have lost my appetite.

*holds breath so Cass doesn't notice she might still be breathing*
*hides corset in sammich, offers it to Vowels*

:greenie

*escapes up the new labyrinth wall with a cup of tea to watch Gail ply the construction workers with 'tarts'*
 

ap123

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*picks up Tiddly's sandwich*
*dunks it in gin*

Gail, did you call me a tart?

Thank you. :evil And I completely agree about jelly. Makes me swoon just to think about it.

Or maybe that's just my corset.
 

tiddlywinks

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*tiptoes into tea parlor*
*leaves short missive for Cassandra*

Dearest Cass,

You drove me to this, birthday girl. I'm off to find solace with the Captain, wherever he may now be. Tis better than vile, conniving wretches who torture innocent ladies with West Side Story lyrics.

Sincerely,

Madame Tiddlywinks



*puts broadway recording of Cats performance on permanent repeat*
*eats all the scones*
*leaves defiantly, throwing her petticoats to the wind*
 

Haggis

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*tiptoes into tea parlor*
*leaves short missive for Cassandra*

Dearest Cass,

You drove me to this, birthday girl. I'm off to find solace with the Captain, wherever he may now be. Tis better than vile, conniving wretches who torture innocent ladies with West Side Story lyrics.

Sincerely,

Madame Tiddlywinks



*puts broadway recording of Cats performance on permanent repeat*
*eats all the scones*
*leaves defiantly, throwing her petticoats to the wind*

Wow. You didn't even do that in courier.
 

CassandraW

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Heavens, whatever is that infernal racket emanating from the Victrola? And what villain has absconded with the scones?

Oh, this is a dire, dire day indeed for the utterly squalid, wretchedly deprived, bravely-trying-to-maintain-appearances tea salon.
 
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