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A little deflated was he, like a discarded tire. Without a publication to his name, he rolled down the hill, not quite eclipsing anything important. Oh well. He looked forward to tomorrow and the uphill battle.

So, apparently doing Something was indistinguishable from doing Nothing. (Who knew?) People who say they want to do Something, then start dismantling the kitchen for cleaning, evidently didn't really want to do anything... Eh, well. Saves gas, I guess.

Sucks, 'cause the rain's due back this week.

I really should've made progress on things myself, but I haven't. Because I'm lazy and my stupid, restless brain won't settle on a task. Maybe after dinner... which I need to get started, assuming the kitchen is available.

Away I wander again.

I guess you're supposed to keep your head up so you don't get hit by a mack truck.

I know it's a little early, but I'm a little tired so getting ready for bed early tonight.

I didn't get as much done as I wanted to, but am pleased with what I did. Life continues to improve in small increments.

Hopefully I'll be able to start writing again soon, if things finally start to settle down more. I've been really feeling the itch, probably in no small part due to my hugely boosted confidence lately. I barely feel any of the negativity and self-doubt that's plagued me for so many years.

Still feel the annoyance of the alarm clock at an early hour though, so I'm going to try to get some extra rest to be fully charged for tomorrow with the expectation of another long week ahead.

Monday, and it's gray again. Figures... Also off to an iffy start already. And I can't find the Excedrin, so I'm hoping ibuprofen takes the edge off the sinuses. (Yes, again.)

Still not the worst b-day I've had.

Well...Mondays still suck.

Glad to be home at a reasonable hour though.

Coffee brewing, leftovers in the microwave.

Pretty sure I won't hear from Val tonight, he was tired when he got back this afternoon. Had a misrouted piece that sent him over an hour out of his way to fix. Too bad, I would be so down for a cuddle party tonight. But I meant what I told him, he sets the pace.

It's crazy how well we click, though. Not just the physical chemistry, which is frankly off the charts. I can't blame him for being cautious. It almost feels too good to be true, you know? And yet here we are. Just over a month into this non-relationship and happier than I've ever been.

DH - At least the week's nicely organized to get its Mondays out of the way quickly... And, hey, good luck on the non-relationship!

FB - Thanks! So far, I got a fuzzy blanket, a motion-sensor light (which I've been wanting for out by my workshed), and a little gold Asian dragon, plus a few books. Might get more later tonight; going out to dinner not far from a Half Price Books.

Well, it's been an okay day so far. Went out to a Half Price Books (not the same one I'll be near tonight), then had a Red Robin lunch (they're good about once or twice a year, I figure), a DQ dessert (only thing worth buying there - that new "molten lava cake a la mode" thing is rather nice), and hit the local B&N (which, unlike HPB, had absolutely nothing honoring or acknowledging this being Banned Books week) before grabbing a cake at a grocery store (also got more Excedrin, dang it.) Later, we're going out to see if the only Round Table Pizza in the area still exists, and maybe hit that other HPB. Used to be a B&N near there, too, but they went under. And no indies have popped up to pick up the slack.

And I just placed an order at Rifftrax.com - their MST3K downloads are 20% off today with an on-site coupon. (Also grabbed a couple shorts, 'cause they make nice, quick entertainment when you don't want to commit to a full movie.)

For the record, the book haul so far includes Ken Liu's The Grace of Kings, Jonathan Stroud's The Whispering Skull (second in his Lockwood & Co. series), and Edgar Cantero's Meddling Kids. Might end up indulging in an Amazon binge later tonight.

And tomorrow, at least two of us are going to the zoo; Mom might opt out. (Hasn't been keeping up on her exercises, so she's getting sore when she walks to much again.)

Pretty sure the getaway isn't going to happen, but I'll make up my mind later. I technically have until next Wednesday, when I go back to work, to go somewhere... could do it the weekend, or Sunday-Monday. Frankly, it largely depends on whether the headache turns into a full-blown crud or whether it goes away. May just do some day trips...

And the day's wrapping up with red velvet cake.

Round Table Pizza was still in existence, but with a nearly empty dining room and only a few pick-ups and delivery orders, I have my doubts as to how long they'll last. But at least we got pizza.

Added four more books to the haul: Stephen King's On Writing, Andrew Clements's Frindle, Roger Zelazny's Complete Amber Chronicles (haven't read any of them, but for the price it worked out cheaper to buy the compilation volume), and 2107 Curious Word Origins, Sayings and Expressions, all less than half price. And I'm still pondering an Amazon raid.

We also got stuff to make lunches to take to the zoo tomorrow; the food there's not that great, and the food court's only open for a brief time, making for a mad rush. So we figure we're better off taking our own (which is allowed.) Charging camera batteries as I type, and I'll take a quick shower as soon as I'm done with my cake, so I can sleep in a little longer tomorrow. Mom's on the fence about going, still - if she doesn't decide by 9 AM, the Taurus Express leaves without her. (We have cell phones, so it's not like we can't split up if she wants to sit down.)

Away I drift. Cake to finish, and all that.

Fruitbat said:

I really miss pizza parlors! All the ones around here are takeout or delivery only.

Click to expand...

Yeah, it seems to be polarizing around here, too; Domino's and Little Caesar's and other cheap take-out at one end, expensive fancy sit-down "pizzeria" restaurants at the other, and nothing in the middle where Round Table and Godfather's and others used to be. (Sometimes on TV I see ads for that Cici's buffet-like pizza place on TV. It's not often I can "taste" food from an ad, but boy do I "taste" greasy cardboard when I see those "pizzas"...)

I don't think it is one way; he's trying to convince himself it's just a casual thing. If there's one thing I am good at it's recognizing pain, and he is deeply hurting. It's a pattern I've already picked up on--every time he lets his guard down even a little, he'll immediately back off for a few days. I don't force it when that happens. He's just not ready. Maybe he never will be. I don't regret the choices I've made so far, and if he needs me I'll be there. In the meantime I'm just enjoying the fun. Whatever happens, happens. Or it doesn't. I just go with the flow.

He also may not be a 'coworker' for much longer either. He was shorted on his pay last week by a significant amount. If his next statement does not have the missing money, he told me he's done. Drivers will put up with a lot, but don't ever mess with their pay.

Anyway, it's another early-ish morning here. Got my coffee and my breakfast, doing the morning 'net rounds.

DH - Sounds like you have things figured out - or as figured out as anything can be in this danged, pantsed-not-plotted world...

FB - Ouch - leg cramps are the worst. (My aunt called my mother a few days ago complaining of leg cramps. The next morning, Mom, woke with one. We figure my aunt gave them to her via phone.) I'd probably take the wasp over the cramp, TBH...

Well, we're getting ready to head out, and already I'm remembering why we don't do this more often. (One word: family.) Mom's going to try going; there's plenty of places to sit, if nothing else. And the sibling's doing a last-minute charge on a battery... may have to pick one up on the way out of town, in addition to gassing up the car.

This will still be a fun day (I say through clenched teeth - or type through clenched fingers, I suppose.)

Believe it or not I'm a lot more pragmatic than I sound. I think he's adorable and we just kinda 'fit' together, but if he broke it off tonight I wouldn't be heartbroken or anything. I'm not thinking we're like, soulmates or whatever nonsense. I really enjoy being with him, but realistically I know a real relationship between us wouldn't work. We're from different cultures, and the age gap is too big. But he's very sweet and he makes me happy, and frankly I'm enjoying the attention.

I'm also pretty much undateable and I know my chances of ever actually finding a partner are basically zero, so I kinda take what I can get. Forgive me for wanting to forget the aching loneliness for awhile.

Surprisingly low key day today, even snuck out a little early. Had dinner, have my coffee. Will probably go to Val's in a little awhile, because I make poor life decisions.

Back home at last, and letting my feet rest for a while whilst uploading pictures from my camera (800+ - I adhere to the "throw enough stuff at the wall and something's gonna stick" photography philosophy) and deciding whether trail mix is a sufficient dinner (probably not, but making something else would require standing up and moving.) Later this evening I have to vacuum out the car (don't have time or energy to wash it) and take it down to the shop for its morning appointment. Vaguely considering whether I could use that as an excuse to buy dinner somewhere, though there aren't many great choices in town.

Anyway, aside from some moments of friction it was a decent zoo outing. One very obnoxious group of kids charging through, quite old enough to know better than to shout through the quiet exhibits or run headlong down paths or pull foliage off the plants or harass the animals while their "chaperones" sat back and yapped to each other. (I'd call fourth, fifth grade.) Otherwise, not bad, and far less crowded than during the height of summer or on weekends. Got to see the young giraffe and the snow leopard cub (don't think I got any pics of the latter) and the maned wolf (which was hiding rather unphotogenically), and many of the birds were out in the aviaries. Also tried a few pics for that AW challenge - will see if those came out at all. And we had some great caramel brownies to go with lunch.

Looks like the pics uploaded. Let's see if anything came out at all... expect most of it's at least a hair too much out of focus.

I hope your pictures end up pretty great. 800+s a lot to go through. I'm sure there's a lot of good stuff in there.

I'm only just kind of hanging in there myself. Long week at work, depressive episodes, down in the dumps. All that good stuff.

FB - It's just something that seems to happen to me a lot. Something happens and I finally feel happy, and then I just get completely torn down about it. It's not just the "pretend relationship" that's making me happy--it's a level of confidence and contentment I've never felt before.

The TL;DR is that I'm finally settling into my job. I earned the drivers' trust a long time ago, but it seems I'm also earning no small measure of respect, not just from drivers but also the CSRs at our client companies. With E's workload increasing as we approach peak aka the busiest time of the year for us, I'm also starting to handle driver issues more directly. I'm somewhat obviously (and unofficially) the lead dispatcher for pharmacy these days and thinking more and more about that still vacant Project Manager position. I know I shouldn't take it and I still don't know that I could handle it, but I feel like that position really needs someone who knows the drivers, not an outsider.

But yes, Val is still part of it too. I actually feel attractive and wanted, which just doesn't ever really happen for me. My first relationship caused some body image issues and was very one-sided emotionally on his part. My second 'relationship' was a FWB deal with my best friend, who had been crushing on me for years at that point. It ended up being impossible to live up to his idealized version of what being with me would be like. In a way, being no strings attached with Val is actually a huge improvement for me. We don't stifle each other and he accepts me as I am, and being with him has required me to push my own boundaries in a good way. He's basically inspired some significant personal growth on my part, just by being there. If I seem overly attached it's because he's been so good for me, and not just for the sex.

And yes he has been very careful to reiterate that he doesn't want serious, and he doesn't want to take advantage of any emotional attachments I might have. I gave it a lot of thought and after how exhausting my first two relationships were, I'm really appreciating how easy we really have it. We get together, have fun for a few hours, maybe I stay the night, and then we go on about our lives with no obligations. I know if I was in a really tough spot and I needed something he would be there, and vice versa, but I'm hardly pining for him when he's not around. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Anyway, I didn't end up seeing Val last night. He was just too tired after a heavy day at work. The new customer's totes are much heavier than anyone else's, and he's admitted sometimes it's too much for him. All of the drivers complain about those totes and after handling them myself, I concur. They are unnecessarily heavy and come in too many sizes which makes stacking them difficult.

I had my first coffee already and spent way too much time on this post. I feel like going for a run this morning, been spending way too much time on my butt lately. Gonna do that, then it's time for second coffee and breakfast and probably by then I'll be getting ready for work.

FB - Lighting a writing candle... planning to wax poetic, are you?

DH - Hey, life has enough crud times that you fully deserve to enjoy the good stuff as it happens. Nice that things are looking decent.

Wednesday morning, first day of my official "vacation" (as in, days I should be at work but am not), and it's looking like a nice day so far. The car's ready to be picked up, so I'll probably head out to do that soonish, now that rush hour's died down. Will likely end up shopping, too. After that, no real plans for the day - need to get back to site work, and I gotta get out to the workshed. Probably about time to nail down what I'm doing for holiday ornaments this year...

Now, if my sinuses would stop annoying me, that would be really awesome...

I have no idea what happened today but everyone was in a good mood. Val had the entire office in stitches, he can be such a troll when he feels like it lol. And New Girl is proving extremely helpful, I was able to leave on time for the second day in a row. Shocking.

Had dinner already, now have coffee. Cake in a little while for my stepfather's birthday.

Not sure if there will be any Val time tonight. Maybe not until Friday.

DH - Hooray for nice days and future cake!

Stupid sinuses are sinusing still, and my throat's scrungy. Dang it, I'm sick of whatever this is. It keeps coming back. Nothing bad enough to bother going in for - all they do is throw you a few antibiotics (if that) anyway - but enough to make me feel scuzzy. I want it to go away and stay gone. Eh, well... maybe if I win myself a Powerball jackpot I can get my sinuses removed; still convinced that's where this all comes from, those evil little cavities of mucus and misery.

Got the car back, and got myself lunch at the Safeway deli. Turkey breast is in the oven for dinner, so I shouldn't have to fool with it for a little while. Should've gotten some site work done today, or some writing, but there's the scunge sitting in my head and chest, and I just can't seem to get into gear. I want to go somewhere tomorrow before the weather turns on Friday, but we'll see how things go. Just as well I didn't make plans to go out of town, I suppose.

Kind of a lousy vacation, all things considered.