Check In- What Are You Doing?

And it's Friday, finally. At least I got some sleep last night. Still will be nice to sleep in tomorrow morning... I so need to find a job that's more in line with my inner clock. Or another job, period.

It's sunny out there, but there's still a touch of chill in the air from the night. Gonna be a warm day, though, with a hot weekend.

Gotta head out the door in about twenty minutes. And I need to shop my way home again. (Got the wrong things yesterday. "Those bars" didn't mean the one kind of bars, it meant the other kind of bars. Words, people - I need enough words to know what you're talking about!)

Off I drift.

ETA: Gah, gotta stop jinxing sleep-in time by mentioning it. It's been Decided that we're visiting a relative tomorrow, which will require me to be up early. Not work early, but earlier than I'd planned on getting up. Ergh... Saturday's my slack-off day, dang it!

Coffee time.

I am still so frustrated after yesterday. I wanted to ask him out, right? Well...never even got the chance. The problem is, as a dispatcher I really shouldn't be getting involved with a driver, so obviously I don't want to be open to my coworkers about this. There is actually precedent for it, as one of my predecessors was (and still is) actively dating one of the other drivers. However, it's unprofessional and I never expected to be one of "those" people, you know?

Anyway, Friday should be the perfect time because the two night NDS dispatchers who sit in rx dispatch with me aren't working and everyone who can manage to usually leaves early.

Everyone except the morning rx dispatcher, a loud, mostly toothless diabetic old man who sits at the desk behind me. He's supposed to work from 3:30 a.m. to 1:00 p.m.; his main job is to get the drivers loaded and off the dock in the morning and do all the morning reports. With the ops manager away for 2 weeks he's also been doing things related to that. But he's been racking up so much OT the DM literally kicked him out of the building for working too late the other day. I figured he'd be long gone by the time my crush came in around 4:00 p.m. Nope. This guy stayed an extra 4 hours past the end of his shift and talked at me the entire time while he worked on ops manager stuff.

It actually hurt when my crush walked through the door and I realized there was no way I could talk to him privately. I have never wanted to punch anyone in my life as much as I wanted to right then. I'm pretty sure my crush even picked up on it cause he gave me an extra little wave on his way out. He is so cute, he really is. He had one more delivery to make on his way home so he didn't stay long. Now that I know which stop that one is I can check for it when the afternoon runs drop in the system every day.

But yeah, total fail on that plan. Sigh. I have never been so disappointed about a weekend. Dispatch is usually way too busy for any privacy. Unless I want to wait another whole week for another potentially quiet moment, I need to catch him in the warehouse either on his way in or after he drops off his paperwork.

Even if he says no at least then I'd know; it's the not knowing that's killing me right now.

Avoiding a decision about my MS.

Waffling between projects. As usual.

DH - Bummer on the cruddy day and continuing crush conundrum. If nothing else, maybe you can get a flash piece or a story out of it - when in doubt, write it out.

Saturday morning, and I gotta get moving. We're visiting the aunt who had surgery a couple weeks ago for a "picnic" at her house (we're bringing all the stuff so she doesn't have to make anything.) So I need to get myself presentable and gather stuff to load in the car - though I think we're taking someone else's car, so there's only so much I can do without keys.

Got to sleep in a bit, but it wasn't the same... eh, well.

Away I meander.

Feeling kind of blah today - I'm blaming the week of babysitting. Right now I'm playing Sims 2 and just relaxing, because I need it and it's just a blah day. Might get some writing done, we'll see - I don't normally write on the weekends, but I haven't done much writing lately. So it would be nice to catch up some.

Yes, a "blah" day for me too. I've spent the day watching Harry Potter Movies and the last 3 episodes of the originals which I've missed since I had water aerobics class on those nights. I blame the work week which felt like 8 days long instead of just 5.

And home again, after a day that was too long and too hot and contained more family than the recommended dosage. Ergh... But we all survived, and I got out of dinner by calling nuke-your-own night (on account of us getting home so late.) The aunt's doing well, but she still tires easily. Otherwise, nothing worth mentioning.

Away to scrounge some food. Not hugely hungry, but I'll be starving in a few hours if I don't...

chasing a bunny out of my garden...

Sunday, and we're looking at "record" temperatures (possibly mid-90s); for some reason, our area is hotter than the rest of the region, too.

I declared Sunday to be my Saturday for the week, meaning I let myself have a nice, indulgent snooze-in, then did my weekly room tidying. Now I'm sitting here enjoying the fan. Need to get to work on Things That Need Doing.

Off I drift...

I had to spend 15 minutes of a class yelling at the students (well, speaking strongly...) for being tardy, unprepared, and adverse to doing anything in class. This made my day much more taxing than it normally is, so I'm heading home to get a small bottle of wine and plan to spend some time marketing/trying to set up reviewers rather than write. Sigh. But happy Monday, everyone - mine is thankfully almost over.

Finally gave up pretending to sleep. Might as well get the coffee flowing.

Didn't think I'd have any trouble--went out for dinner and drinks with a couple friends, and the alcohol usually makes me sleep pretty well.

I don't think it's nerves, exactly. I mean, it should be. I've never asked anyone out before, and I just can't wait until Friday for another potential chance. I'm going to ask him today if I have to pull him aside to do so. I can't tell if it's projecting or wishful thinking but I just keep getting the feeling he'll accept if I ask him. That's why I'm not really anxious about it.

If he doesn't, well, at least I'll know.

Girding my loins for more editing.

Monday got off to a lousy start with the neighbors doing noisy yard work before 7 AM... right by the property line.

After their dogs spent half the night barking.

Jerks...

It's clouded up, but the house is still way too warm, and there's too much junk (and pollen) outside to crack windows. Speaking of pollen, my eyes are telling me I may have missed my Allegra dose last night... but I'm not positive enough to take one now. (Was a miserable, too-hot evening, so I was more focused on misery than on medicine.) Will try to get by with eyedrops and maybe a hit of Flonase, which I know I didn't take yesterday.

Today's my father's birthday, but I haven't been told what we're doing or when we're doing it. So I can't make any concrete plans for today.

Away I drift...

Demolishing dinner in a frenzy of hunger and frustration while my coffee brews.

No, he didn't turn me down.

I didn't get a chance to ask him. Again.

Mondays are always a crapshoot for everyone in general. He was apparently running behind, which is unusual and likely due to a combination of general traffic shenanigans and heavier volume--Monday and Tuesday are the heaviest days due to the weekends. So he did something drivers can do but usually don't--he gave all his paperwork to the dock guy and left without coming into dispatch. -.- *headdesk*

So not only did I not ask him, I didn't even see him at all today.

God I hate Mondays.

DH - Well, that sucks. Fingers crossed the rest of the week picks up... and you get to ask that question sooner rather than later.

It's later the same day, and we ran out to the store to get various and sundry items with which to celebrate Dad's birthday. Got fried chicken and corn for dinner (he's a fried chicken fanatic), plus chocolate cake and chocolate ice cream (also a chocoholic), and a few other candies and such. There was talk of going out for a banana split after dinner, but I doubt it happens, what with cake and all. Maybe tomorrow evening...

The weather's been mostly cloudy and cooler, but it's still unpleasantly humid in the house. Sorta hope we get some sprinkles or something to clear the air, but the forecast is looking rather dry.

Off I go. Been watching various web design videos on Lynda, and it's time for a break. May have enough time for a rest before dinner, seeing as how I don't have to make anything.

Creeping back to working on writing. It's been pretty cruddy of late, I found I could not look at a book in a bookshop last week without panicking.

I know I can do it... I think.

Tuesday, and it's cooler than the weekend, but still humid in the house. Looks like a good day to mow a lawn, mower willing. (Got a new air filter to try. If it's not that, it's something wrong inside the thing, and I don't know enough about mowers to begin to find, let alone fix, it.)

Got most of my scheduled Things done yesterday, even a bit of writing, though I'm not really focusing like I should be. Should be done with this lame little short I'm trying to write by now, but I keep distracting myself and losing my thread. Can't keep letting myself get away with that.

Right now I'm kinda killing time. I may be required to drive someone to a doctor appointment, but not if someone else in the house does it... and I can't guarantee they're even awake yet. So I'm waiting on standby, Just In Case.

Away I drift.

Keithy said:

Creeping back to working on writing. It's been pretty cruddy of late, I found I could not look at a book in a bookshop last week without panicking.

I know I can do it... I think.

Click to expand...

You totally can! I know the feeling. I've been similarly out of sorts lately and am really hating all the pacing of the middle part of the manuscript. I'm so desperate to up the excitement again, but getting there seems never-ending. Good luck on getting back into it again!

Dinner and coffee, the usual.

Finally I got a chance to talk to my crush. I had to basically follow him into the warehouse to get away from the other dispatchers.

I asked him out for coffee.

He said he was too busy with his afternoon route.

...

I'm pretty sure it whooshed over his head so hard they felt the breeze in Singapore.

He is adorable, but wow is this frustrating lol. I am willing to bet money he is in fact single. I don't actually know, which is why I have been approaching this whole situation with trepidation. But I did catch him completely off guard and I feel he would have automatically mentioned if he had a SO or just plain isn't interested.

So now I have a new conundrum. I don't want to be pushy, but I do feel like I need to clarify my interest. To that end I can:

a. Tell him what I actually meant when I see him tomorrow.

b. Wait for him to figure it out on his own.

c. Wait until the end of the week, ask him again, and also tell him specifically I'm inviting him on a date.

d. Let the whole matter drop and just be content with knowing I asked.

I am impatient and want to do a., but I think c. is more reasonable. I will do d. if he seems at all uncomfortable around me tomorrow.

DragonHeart:

Your entries are a short-story-in-the-making, and would maybe make for an interesting read.

I keep running into people who complain about things they SHOULD have done, and wish they'd had the courage (or wisdom) to have done it, when they had the chance to do so; and they bemoan their inaction. I believe the pop-culture term is "coulda-woulda-shoulda".

In one of the Narnia books, the characters come across a small bell with a little metal hammer sitting next to it. Beside it is a short poem, telling the reader that if they tap the bell with the hammer, something will happen. And if they DON'T tap the bell and leave, they will always wonder what MIGHT have happened...so much so, that it might even drive them crazy.

My advice to you, is to go ahead and tap the bell.

And if you miss this opportunity, you will always look back and wonder,"what if...?"

I know that it takes courage, but...will you have the courage to face NOT having done it?

RLGreenleaf said:

In one of the Narnia books, the characters come across a small bell with a little metal hammer sitting next to it. Beside it is a short poem, telling the reader that if they tap the bell with the hammer, something will happen. And if they DON'T tap the bell and leave, they will always wonder what MIGHT have happened...so much so, that it might even drive them crazy.

My advice to you, is to go ahead and tap the bell.

And if you miss this opportunity, you will always look back and wonder,"what if...?"

I know that it takes courage, but...will you have the courage to face NOT having done it?

Click to expand...

Given the consequences, I don't know if that's the best example...

I'll add my congrats on actually asking. At least now you've asked. As for the rest... I second the call to tread lightly with work relationships and not push it if there's no sign of reciprocity. Could be his radar's out of whack, or it could be he's not interested. Leave the next move on him... even if his next move is no move.

Traipsin' through as the day winds down. I got the lawn mowed after more fighting with the blasted mower, which once more took north of ten, maybe twenty or more pulls of the "insta-start" cord to convince it to start up. (New air filter did little to nothing to help it start, and it's still lurching terribly when it's running and the blade's not engaged - not shaking, just lurching... but once it's running it seems inclined to keep running. Could be something just needs cleaning, but once again I don't know much about mower workings.)

Otherwise, I've been poking at my review site and watching more web design stuff on Lynda. It's procrastination, and I know it.

Away I skedaddle.

Yes, I'm awake at 3 a.m. I haven't been able to sleep through the night in days.

I suppose I should mention the main reason I'm wondering if I shouldn't clarify a little more is because he's not a native English speaker; he's from Brazil, and may not have realized what my asking him meant from a social standpoint.

I also left out the first part of our conversation yesterday, which was business related. The thing to keep in mind is drivers are very busy people and generally do not like being asked to do things on their personal time. We're updating our route sheets, which means asking drivers to sit down and fill out paperwork. Considering we could barely get them to sit still long enough to renew their own contracts for continued employment with us a few weeks ago, you can imagine what a pain this is. We've just been going over the sheets with each driver and having them bring it home to get back to us by the end of the week, which is what most drivers are doing.

Except for my crush, that is. I went over it with him figuring he would take it on his way out, but he said he would do it for me (he did specify that part) and you better believe he sat down and filled it out right then and there, despite still having one delivery left to make before he could go home. Very atypical for any driver, no matter how friendly or professional, and he is both.

Maybe I'm just reading too much into it. I've only been in one previous relationship, so I'm not at all experienced with how things are 'supposed' to work. I do really believe that if he wasn't interested he would have told me, but I don't want to turn this into a thing either. Sigh. Now I wonder if I didn't 'waste' my chance somehow, if I ever had one. And I wonder why I can't sleep anymore.