Title:
The woman frowned at the cake crumbs smashed against the plastic rims of the wooden table and said to the man sitting across from her, “You’re not easy to find, Hwang Hun Cheol.”
The man who accepted the human name Hwang Hun Cheol stared at her from behind the pitch-black lenses of his soul sifter glasses and conceded, “I’m not easy to find.”
Hun Cheol blinked, and the woman’s physical form fell away for a moment while he counted the brightest alpha entities making up her personality.
The first sentence feels bogged down with prepositional phrases...
at the cake crumbs,
against the plastic rims,
of the wooden table. I want the dialogue sooner.
With the second sentence, I feel like it would be stronger without the
pitch-black lenses. I mean, soul-sifter glasses are such a startling and cool thing, they don't need extra description, at least not at that moment.
In the third sentence, I have two issues. First, I don't think the
for a moment adds anything. Secondly, the
while implies that the woman's physical form fell away
at the same time he counted the entities, rather than after her form fell away.
Even though I'm not a SF reader, you've gotten my attention, so I'd read on.