That feeling of inadequacy

If you read something you wrote a few weeks later, and it is dumb to you, then it is probably dumb to others. I like my writing because I took the advice of Toni Morrison (paraphrasing) Write a book that you want to read.. Think of a book you want to read, and then write it well, and if you enjoy it, others will too. I sincerely believe that.

I wrote one book last year, and it was about what I like, and what I wanted to read that was lacking in others books of the genre (in my opinion) and put those things in my book, and I love it. I have sold decently, and have had nice reviews. I just don't think you can write what you think others will like. Write what you yearn for in a book, and there are bound to be others who yearn for it too.

The feeling of inadequacy is something I felt quite a lot recently. When I was in a writing competition, I was constantly comparing myself to others and ended up dropping out because of it. I'm not proud that I did but it just happened that way.

Eventually, it does change.

William Gibson is my writing hero, but I'm brash enough to think that I can eventually get on his level. I'm that loser that carries a musty copy of Neuromancer around with me, all tattered and marked up with red underlines, notes in the margins. I study him in the way that Professor Keating from the the Dead Poet's Society (RIP and respects) would have HATED--like a statistical algorithm I've got charts on his word usage. Obsessed? Duh!

In the end I don't think it made me any better of a writer, but I'm one hell of a note-taker now (lol).

I would sooooo feel good if I could get my writing to rise to the level of inadequacy. I'd post in the Goals & Accomplishments forum if I could achieve that.

caw

I remember an interview in which James Patterson said how, as a young man, he read Joyce's Ulysses and told himself 'I can never ever be that good', and instead simply became James Patterson.

I think that's a good lesson that sometimes giving up on reaching an idealized level of writing is liberating and allows you to actually become yourself and simply be the best you can be within the context of your personal talent and natural inclinations.

On the other hand there are people like Jack Higgins and Dean Koontz, who start at a pretty third rate level, and grimly force themselves to develop inch by inch, book by book, decade by decade, until finally transcending their limitations and flowering into unexpected awesomeness.

Higgins's journey of third-class-to-first-class took about forty books from the late 1950's to the mid-1970's, and for Koontz--about fifty books from the late 1960's to the mid-1980's. It could be argued that John D Macdonald also needed the same decade and a half and forty 'not-bad' pulps before hitting his stride and flowering into 'superb' in the mid-1960's.

I can see the merit in both the 'Patterson approach' of finding your personal level and staying there, and the 'Koontz approach' of relentless, grinding, slow-motion self-improvement in spite of everything.

Of course, for some of us, the relentless struggle is to reach the starting point of the likes of Macdonald, Higgins, and Koontz, and this would count as the glorious victory the struggle led to, but with today's market, there are passengers for every train, as long as some degree of functional competence has been attained.

Most nights, the Mem and I will cook a meal together. She's very much the head chef, the one who knows what she's doing. I am sous chef and washer-upper. The food isn't the best food that has ever been cooked. We are not cordon-bleu chefs. Michelin are not about to award us our first star.

But it's cooked with love, we have fun doing it, it fills us up and we haven't had food poisoning (yet). We like to think that we are improving our skills as we go along.

After supper I'll try to find some time to write. I have no illusions. I'm not Shakespeare, JK Rowling, Iain Banks or Stephen King and almost certainly never will be. But just like the evening meal, that doesn't stop me. I keep on plinking away at the keyboard, one word at a time, one mistake at a time. And whenever someone tells me that they read one of my books and liked it, that's a little zing of pleasure.

I like to think that it's written with love, I have fun doing it, it satisfies at least some readers and no-one has asked for a refund yet (although there was one 2 star review...). Oh, and I hope I'm learning as I go.

Sometimes I think that excellence is over-rated. Sure, it's good to eat in a Michelin starred restaurant once in a while, but I wouldn't want to do it every day.

But here's a funny thing. If you keep on making small incremental improvements every day you might find that excellence creeps up on you while you aren't looking.

One newbie writer notices the gap between their writing and that of one of their writing heroes. This gap scares them. They stop writing.

Another newbie writer notices the exact same gap. This gap inspires them. They keep on writing, trying to narrow that gap.

If it was easy it wouldn't be worth doing.

I've seen Ray Bradbury mentioned, so I'll add this little pep talk.
I teach 9th grade English, and we read Bradbury's "A Sound of Thunder" (hitting it next week, actually). The literature text asks students to focus on his rich style, his use of figurative language and imagery, which they do. I ask them to focus on the theme, the cause-and-effect of the series of events in the plot, and we relate it to real world issues. And, of course, we all enjoy a really cool story about a dude going on a time traveling safari to shoot a T-Rex.
After the story, the textbook includes a short excerpt from Michael Crichton's Jurassic Park. It's the part where the cars have stopped and the T-Rex is attacking them. There is absolutely NO DOUBT when reading those two pieces back-to-back who the superior writer is. Crichton doesn't even come close to Bradbury. But, ask 99% of the population and they'll instantly recognize the title Jurassic Park, but may not know "A Sound of Thunder" at all.

As we know, some of the most successful current authors are not particularly gifted writers. A lot of the wildly popular fiction - Twilight and Fifty Shades popping to mind the most - are not examples of great writing or even great story-telling. But those authors wrote stories they themselves wanted to write in their own style, and they are insanely successful as a result.

Heck, even a powerhouse like GRR Martin has (and deserves) his share of criticism, much of it from his fans. I've read the first three books of ASoIaF, and I love the show, but I cannot seem to force myself past the first few chapters of the fourth book. He's certainly a talented writer who has created an amazing series and found great success, but he's not everyone's cup o tea.

Moral of the post: I was told early on in my teaching career not to try to be like this teacher or that teacher but to be myself and embrace my own unique teaching style. I still learn from watching other teachers, but always with that golden early advice in the back of my mind.
The same holds true for writing.

Hell, I get that feeling over writing I read in the syw section here.

You just can't let it overcome your desire to create, really. That's what keeps me going.

I've found this thread really encouraging. I'm not sure if what I get is the feeling of inadequacy per se as the original post says, but it's certainly a feeling of, "Oh my goodness, can I ever reach that level?" It's part of the reason why, despite having several full drafts for different stories, I've never been able to get any of my drafts to a state where I'd even think about bringing a beta reader in.

But it's so freeing to think about it simply as writing what I want to read, and trying to be the best writer I can be. Which still requires the hard work I expect it to, but also comes with less pressure to be the next insert-name-here.

It's amazing how much you can let good writing intimidate you - I do all the time! Who doesn't? We wouldn't be human otherwise. The best thing, however, is when you can see the improvement in your own writing over time. I read the first few chapters of my WIP and almost cry at how bad they are compared to the last: I've grown as an artist over time. Hopefully one day I'll be able to produce something publishable. But I would still write anyway - it's my creative outlet and wow do I need it!

You will never avoid comparison because you need to read a lot if you want to write good. So, try this: compare yourself not only with the great works of authors you adore, but with your previous writings as well.
When doing so, I often think "Oh, was that me who wrote that nonsense?". But sometimes I wonder "Wow! And this one is pretty good". In this way you'll see that you're evolving.

If I didn't feel inadequate I wouldn't feel anything at all

I think it's human to feel inadequate. The only people who never doubt their own abilities or merit at all are egotistical poops, I suspect. Narcissists and/or sociopaths, who think their failures are always someone else's fault (when they admit to failure at all). Or maybe in a very rarefied strata of people who have achieved such a high level of success that they've essentially "won" at life.

But even so, I'd guess even the most amazingly accomplished writers have doubts.

Like: I've sold tons of books, but never won [big important award in own genre]

Or: I've won literary awards, but my readership would fit in a single medium sized room.

Or: I'm popular and acclaimed as a writer, but will my next book be as good as my previous ones?

And: The world of publishing (and the tastes of the public) are changing; can I adapt? What if my books stop selling as well as they have?

Or: Do people just buy my books because of my name? What if I write under a different name? Will the book sell?

Nice problems to have from the perspective of one who hasn't published anything yet. But I think it's human nature to flagellate ourselves when we fail at something and to celebrate for like 5 seconds when we do clear a hurdle or reach a goal, then start worrying about failing the next one.

I tend not to be put off by other writers, on the whole, because I know I don’t have the ambition or talent to be a great or even very good writer. So I can admire, while feeling only mildly jealous.

But what I do want to be is ‘good enough’ and be able to tell a story that people enjoy reading. Sadly, I’m rather afraid even that is beyond me.

I never really wrote much before, but always wondered if I could and thought I’d like to try. So I wrote a fanfiction story (sorry, probably a dirty word here), and yes, it was one I wanted to read myself and couldn’t find. It met with such complete indifference, even in the cesspit of grammatical horror that is fanfiction, that it has left me having to face the fact that I have no judgement when it comes to my own work, and the probability that I just don’t have what it takes to even tell a story good enough to please the average semi-literate thirteen year old.

It’s a pretty rotten feeling to be honest.

Sorry, just felt like having a bit of a whinge. Ignore me.

blacbird said:

Whatcha gotta do is write yer own story, and forget about what the great writers have produced. That's how they got to be great writers.

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Came here to empathize with the OP's feelings, and your response struck a cord. So often I get caught up with feelings of inadequacy compared to the greats, and your response sums up the action necessary... just got to write my own story.

Thanks blacbird (p.s. this isn't the first time I've appreciated your advice even when not given directly to me - thank you!)

sheac said:

Came here to empathize with the OP's feelings, and your response struck a cord. So often I get caught up with feelings of inadequacy compared to the greats, and your response sums up the action necessary... just got to write my own story.

Thanks blacbird (p.s. this isn't the first time I've appreciated your advice even when not given directly to me - thank you!)

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Here I will confess to not being very good at following my own advice. The work of really good writers intimidates and depresses me, even while I enjoy reading it.

caw

Great writers are cool. When you read them it is like going to school, for free. Seriously !

I do understand the feel of inadequacy, I have experienced myself while reading the 'greats' of sci fi or or even less known writers.
It can be just texts of simple sentences or very vivid descriptions of what is going on that make me think "Hey I could write like that as well".

But when the time comes that you can write it down it simply does not come, or it comes at the most inappropriate moments like when you are under the shower of busy getting groceries.
I have had some gems for conversations and texts that way but it all disappeared again afterwards (Why?)

Sometimes I also have somewhat the opposite, completely overdoing the writing while a shorter very direct and clear text might be far easier on a reader's eyes.
I just don't know when to stop then, sort of burying what I have in mind inside walls and walls of needless additional text.

Reading great authors might unleash the genius within you!