How to deal...

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MaryLennox

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Not sure if I'm posting this in the right category but...Just wondering if others have experienced the same things. How do you deal with these two issues, after having your first book published:

#1: Friends and family who said they'd love to buy a copy...just don't. I wasn't expecting huge sales or anything, the book was published by a small eBook publisher, but I can see my sales and I know who bought copies - and pretty much no one has bought a copy. There's lots of congratulations and what-not from friends, family and co-workers, but no one is actually willing to fork over $5 to actually support me? My own siblings haven't even bought a copy. Geesh. I don't know if they're all just expecting to be given free copies...???

And #2: When it does come up in conversation that I have a book published, people automatically assume it's self-published. Does this happen to any other first time authors? And...do you find it annoying?

I don't think I'm really looking for advice, just venting with other newbie published authors? haha
 

Calla Lily

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I don't try to find out who bought my books. It keeps me from getting ulcers. Srsly. Sometimes people are being polite, and sometimes they don't have the money or don't read the kind of books I write. It happens.

Yes, people not in the biz often assume published only means SP. I explain to them in one short sentence and we move on.

:Hug2:
 

Maryn

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My husband hasn't bought a copy. Not that I expect him to read it, much less enjoy it, since he's nowhere near the target audience, but I'd expected that level of support. Neither have most of my other family members or friends, also not my readership except for my SIL.

Other than that, though, I have no idea who has bought it. That's not really my concern. My whole job is to write a book that complete strangers want to buy, not that my friends and family will buy because they love me.

So if you possibly can, just let that lack of support and sales go. Yeah, I know, easy for me to say, but really try.

On the other concern, that people presume you're self-published: While there's no shame in that, there's also no shame in saying your book was accepted at Publishername and once their editors and cover artists do their thing, it will be published on X date. That's the facts, not bragging. Say it loud and proud, you know?

Maryn, usually too meek for that sort of thing
 

LadyLex

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I had the same feelings you do when my first book was pubbed. My hubby didn't even buy a copy. I lost sleep over it, disheartened that my family couldn't fork over $2.99 to put the book on their smartphone/Kindle/Nook.

Once I realized that I wasn't writing for them, I started to feel a little better. Some of them came around when my publisher offered POD and they could actually hold the book in hand and have it signed by me. That was really the only way my family and most of my friends would buy the book.
 

MaryLennox

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Thanks for the help. Hearing similar stories makes me feel a little less alone and ignored. haha :) Best of luck to all of you with your books!
 

Parametric

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I think it's probably best to not expect anyone you know to buy your books, regardless of how expensive the books are, how close your relationship with that person is, how likely they are to enjoy it, etc. That way you don't get upset about it. I use a pen name that nobody knows about specifically to avoid this kind of awkward situation.
 

Phaeal

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Hell, people I've given copies haven't read it. People who ASKED me please please please give me copies haven't read it. People who've sworn they couldn't wait to buy copies haven't bought 'em.

Conclusion: People will say anything. What they'll do is another story. No use worrying about it. Probably they were just trying to be nice. Possibly they're reluctant to read the book, whether because they might not like it and don't want to hurt you (better reason) or because they're uninterested in the genre or reading itself (neutral reason) or because they're envious of your achievement (worse reason.) Whatever their cryptic motivations, the outcome's the same. Grace requires we take no public notice of the "slight." Inner grace (got some?) would allow us to actually take no notice. ;)

Oddly enough, it's likely that your soul readers are NOT your friends and relations. All you can do is try to find them through publication of whatever sort and marketing and serendipity.

On the plus side, some people I gave copies also bought copies. My heroes! :D
 

Lady Chipmunk

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I haven't had a book published yet, but I fully expect my husband not to buy it. Being one of my beta readers, he's already seen in in multiple drafts--and we won't need multiple copies in the house.

Try looking at the bright side. I know what I write isn't going to appeal to wide swaths of my family, and I'm okay with them not reading it because that would only lead to awkwardness.

Could be your friends are in a similar boat where they are not readers of your genre, readers in general, etc, and so are afraid to read it and not like it. Or they could just be lazy. Either way, the thing to focus on is you have a book, and people will read it, and that is all kinds of awesome.
 

Ringading

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I know, I am trying not to let it hurt my relationships, but sometimes I just want to backhand people and ask them if I really mean so little to them.
 

Lady Chipmunk

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It's entirely possible that they don't realize that they're being hurtful. One thing I have realized about being a writer is that non-writers tend not to truly understand the process involved. They are distanced from it in a way writers are not, and sometimes things that seem really obvious to those in the writing trenches don't occur to them at all.

And the creative arts are different than other jobs. You wouldn't necessarily, for example, buy a piece of software simply because a family member works at the company that produces it. The idea of supporting artists by buying their work seems pretty clear to artists, but it can be a concept people working in more traditional fields are blind to, and not because they don't care.

Is it thoughtless? Perhaps, but it may not be intentionally so. As they say "Never attribute to malice..."
 

Jamesaritchie

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Not every writer does this, but I give a copy of everything I sell to all my friends and all my family. I love them, so I give to them. It really is better to give than to receive.

On the selfish side, it also means I never have to worry about who does or doesn't buy a copy of one of my novels, or a magazine with one of my short stories in it.
 

MaryLennox

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Thanks for all the replies. On the plus side, my boyfriend is also a writer, and therefore understands. He bought two copies even though I told him I'd give him one for free and he's also my beta reader.
 

RaggedEdge

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I agree with Phael and LadyChipmunk. Excellent thoughts!

I've stopped going to my friends' home parties for this and that product (cooking ware, candles, scrapbooks, you name it). I no longer need any of that sh*t, frankly, and have too little time. I figure, if they're going to offer that stuff, it should be wanted by people, not just bought out of obligation. If it's worthwhile sh*t, other people will want it. In the same way, I don't care at all if they buy my book. Ok, so I haven't published one yet, but I expect to feel this way because I feel that way now about friends beta reading my work. If they do, fine. If they don't, fine. They're not my best beta readers, anyway - too close to me and not my target audience. Sometimes friends say they will beta and then never do. I don't care. I love them and our friendship is based on other things. I like the separation from my work. ETA: I do love when they ask about it and are truly interested, esp. in the process. If they ignored it altogether I might feel a little put out.

Family is a little different, but not much. One of my brothers read my book and gushed to me. The other didn't ask to read it except for the first pages when we saw each other at Christmas, and he offered me a little critique. :) Both were nice, both were more than I expected. I never even thought of my husband buying one of my books. I expect to have a few extra copies sitting on shelves as it is! :D He's a huge support already without that.

The upshot is, I hate buying things just to support my friends, and I'd never expect that from them either. *Especially* with something as personal as my writing. I wouldn't want that awkwardness between us. I'd only want them to read it/buy it if they truly wanted to. I'm excited about the people I'm writing for (young adults) and making them the focus of my professional life. :)

Congrats on your book being published!
 
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whiporee

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I'm still in submission hell, but I don't let people read drafts anymore because I kept getting my feelings hurt when they didn't actually read despite asking. So I just stopped offering.

If I do get published, I think I'll try James' tact -- not because I think giving is a good thing (it is, I know) but so I don't have to wonder if they bought it.

One of the things I've tried to always tell myself is not to assume anyone will do anything for altruistic reasons. That said, I've read every word a friend has ever given me, have bought books I didn't want, read articles and commented on blog posts I didn't care about because figure any friend who's willing to put words out there deserves at least a little kind of a boost.
 
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