Your wish is granted...

Nerdilydone

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Uh, okay, you do, but the space is really small. Also, how much time do you spend outside of the house? People don't really pay that much for that small of a space and you don't see enough people for it to matter. Your friends are so annoyed by your advertising that they always avert their eyes when you come around.

I wish for enough money to spend all my days writing instead of having to work.
 

Drachen Jager

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Granted, here is $35.

That should last long enough. It was going to be $15, but you did specify days.


I wish I had a light saber like in Star Wars.
 

slcboston

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Granted.

You do almost the exact same thing Luke did with it when Obi-wan handed his lightsaber to him, with one crucial difference: you turn yours on. On the plus side, you've cleared up your sinuses (and everything behind them).


I wish I could get into vinyl. As in records.
 

NathanBrazil

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Granted.

I know what you mean, but at the Genie office downtown they speak some form of Coptic. Your wish is translated and re-translated and ... well you're now wearing an outfit made of vinyl records. Not comfortable and a little breezy, but Lady Gaga may be willing to pay for the rights to that design.




I wish that 2+2 = 5
 

slcboston

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Granted.

In the hands of the IRS (or your local equivalency, because let's face it, there's no escaping taxes), it always has. Expect a call about those back taxes.



I wish I could avoid going into work today.
 

Nymtoc

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Granted. The Genie has blocked your doors with an enormous tractor-trailer in front and a military tank in back, so you can't get out. (Your boss will believe this when you send photos, and you will believe it when you send the Genie $10,000 for his kindness.)
:banana:

I wish I had 24-hour Uber service for a year, free of charge.
 

slcboston

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Granted.

You now have a great passion for garlic, stilton cheese, and bad opera. You will discover that these exclude a lot of other possible love interests, but it will still be a great love.



I wish my computer wasn't out of date.
 

Drachen Jager

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Granted. Here is a computer from the year 2245. I hope you have plenty of de-ionized polyhueristic prune juice to power it.

Also, should you find an alternate power source, it is sentient and will probably do its best to kill you and/or all of humanity.


I wish I had a self-driving car I could send out on errands.
 

slcboston

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Granted.

You're being sent back to high school, with just enough self-awareness to fully grasp how awkward and horrible high school really is.



I wish the house wasn't so drafty.
 

NathanBrazil

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Granted. The overly zealous house elves, who gave your house a makeover, installing quad pane windows, HEPA filters and hermetically sealed doors, made one minor mistake. The doors are only large enough for a house elf. Don’t pay attention to the rumors that they are planning to relocate you. A 10 x 10 equipment shed has been provided for you while they are … correcting the problem.

I wish I could triple my current internet speed.
 

Drachen Jager

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Granted. Your computer is overwhelmed with its new power and promptly bursts into flames.
I hope you had backups of that 230,000 page magnum opus you were putting the finishing touches on.

I wish breakfast and coffee would make themselves so I can get a bit of extra sleep in the mornings.
 

slcboston

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Granted.

Ever seen The Sorcerer’s Apprentice? The one with a certain cartoon icon? Yeah, hot coffee’s much less easier to swim in.



I wish I had more cookies.
 

NathanBrazil

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More cookies? More? Tall order SLC. How could we possibly pervert that wish ... I mean accommodate you? Granted. Sort of. We didn't even need the genie. We - when I say we, I mean my wife - cooked a few 100 chocolate chip cookies. You know the kind - thin with more chocolate than dough and the chocolate is molten. It's so good you can't stop eating them, but after you won't be able to taste anything for a month. Anyway, we took half, cause that's just fair. And the rest ... well you weren't around, so I gave the rest to any posters that were still up at this hour. But I was able to collect a small bag of crumbs for ya SLC.

I wish for more milk to go with the more cookies.
 
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slcboston

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Granted.

A herd of cows is on your doorstep. I also provided a pail and stool. Beyond that, you're on your own.



I wish it was next Saturday.
 

Nymtoc

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Granted. It is next Saturday. Unfortunately, next Wednesday (which you missed) was the day you would have won $96,000,000 on the lottery. Funny how these things happen. :ROFL:

I wish there was a supermarket within walking distance of where I live.
 

NathanBrazil

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Well, the Genie contractors have converged and decided there’s only one way to accomplish this. First we’ll have to trim a few rooms from you home. I think you may be able to keep the bedroom and half of the bathroom. This will allow them to place the supermarket around your house. Because they have to abide by the rigorous zoning rules in your area, your bedroom will need to double as either a camera shop or an ice cream parlor.

I wish that my office was closer, so that it wouldn’t be so difficult to reach … somebody when I need assistance.
 
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slcboston

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Granted.

Your office is now next door. You are also now on-call 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week. And lest you think you already are *now*, wait until your place of employment realize you no longer have any excuses for not coming in. ... It still won't improve your odds of getting help when you need it, though. This is not how work works. You don't need an evil genie to tell you that.



I wish I could replace the windows in the kitchen.
 

NathanBrazil

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Ok. First the bad news then the worse news. We took the windows from your neighbors and swapped. They didn’t quite fit and there are gaps, broken plaster and cracked glass. Some idiot etched *SLC was here* into one of your old windows (wadn’t me) – that were too small and fell through, right into your neighbor's sink.

I wish for stronger coffee, that can keep me up for more than just a few hours.
 

slcboston

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Granted.

You will never, ever sleep, and eventually will come the hallucinations and the psychoses, but it is a damn fine cup of coffee.


I wish I knew what was going on with my iPad.
 

ESGrace

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Granted. Genie has agreed to conduct a series of therapy sessions with your iPad to find out what's really going on. It's all your fault. Here's my bill...

I wish my cubicle at work had individual controls for heat/cold/brightness.
 

slcboston

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Granted.

You don't control them, however, your coworker does. You know, the one that's always complaining that it's too hot, or too cold, or too dark, or too bright ...

No, not you. The other one.




I wish I could convince my cat that my desk is not his nap zone.
 

NathanBrazil

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(I had a co-worker who was designing a keyboard that detected cat key presses.)

*Watches a few hours of ‘My Cat From Hell’* Since I was only virtually watching it, I actually retained nothing, but I did come up with a solution. It’s the latest fad – a desk-free ‘desk’. Basically mouse, keyboard, and monitor sit upon circular metallic platforms, that are supported by curved metal tension rods, which protrude from the wall. They are a just bit wobbly and very difficult to get used to.


I wish for waterless grass. No, I don’t mean AstroTurf. The grass needs to be alive, but never needs to be watered.
 

slcboston

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Granted.

It will grow tall, and lush, and look an awful lot like that scene from Jurassic Park II. There may or may not be velociraptors in it. Or possibly tigers.


I wish I could skip work today. Going in for a short shift between three days off is just WRONG.