Your wish is granted...

Nerdilydone

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It does, because it's broken. So it also tunes out when you're talking to it.

I wish that the person posting next would receive something nice. :D
 

Mary Mitchell

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We'll pretend Nathan Brazil posted next, because he deserves something nice for having his spot usurped when we both posted simultaneously. The something nice will be the granting of his wish. He can now get life sustaining nutrients via ethernet. Of course, for that to work he needs to be transformed into an android, and if he ever moves far enough to become accidentally unplugged he'll immediately die.

I wish Greek wan't Greek to me.
 

shakeysix

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you no longer have an allergic reaction to mosquito bites. like everyone else, your bites just itch like hell. you are now allergic to all known mosquito repellants.

I wish I did not have to get up at 5 a.m. tomorrow to work the flora culture display at the county fair.
 
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Nymtoc

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Pseudo-granted. See, the Genie would have gladly granted your wish, but it's a day later now, and you either did or did not get up at 5 am yesterday, so it's too late to grant you a full wish, which would have been preferable, but things don't always work out the way you want, do they? :banana:

I wish I didn't have to master a new technology by tomorrow. :e2hammer:
 

Mary Mitchell

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Granted. You get off the hook by dying in your sleep tonight. At least it won't hurt.

I wish I had a self driving car.
 

Nymtoc

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Granted. But they stay in bloom all summer only because they have cross-bred with Venus fly traps, and they now devour everything that comes within their range. At first, of course, they are able to devour only small insects, but as they continue to develop...do you have a cat?

I wish I could Google anything just by thinking about it.
 
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Mary Mitchell

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Granted. The search results are displayed on your eyeballs. Everyone can see your eyeballs. Disciplined thinking, Sir.

I wish I could wish my laundry done. (And folded.) (And put away.)
 

NathanBrazil

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You wish you could wish? That's too easy. Well, I'll just pervert the spirit of the wish. We've invented tiny insects that can change color and look and feel very convincingly like clothes and bed sheets, etc. And they do indeed clean and fold themselves. They also, every so often, burrow under your skin and work their way to your nervous system - causing odd twitching and nervous leaps. People might think you're one of those uncontrollable dance freaks that is forever busking for change.

I wish I could prevent my internet from going down by transferring my internet woes on to some other poor sap.
 
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Marissa D

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Your ethically dubious wish is granted, and your internet woes have now been transferred to someone else--namely, your irascible grandfather, who calls you at all hours of the day and night to come over and fix his goddamn computer already so he can keep watching old episodes of Gunsmoke on YouTube.

I wish decaf coffee tasted better.
 

Mary Mitchell

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Granted. It's way better than caffeinated. But you can't afford any right now. You lost your job for repeatedly falling asleep at your desk.

I wish June bugs would go extinct.
 

NathanBrazil

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Holy cow. They almost did go extinct in our neck of the woods. I think I maybe found one. The end of the world is nigh!

And of course if the June bugs go extinct we must find a suitable replacement. Something with 4 million eyes and 5 rows of teeth. Ooh and likes to slither on its belly. Yeah. We'll call it the Judas bug. Not only have the June bugs have gone extinct but also grasshoppers and spiders and dogs and cats. I wonder who'll be next on their dance card.

Ok I wish I could have 3.5 million dollars - actually no - let's make that 3.5 million English pounds (you better not mess that up - cuz I'm talkin' about the cash not a tea drinkin' heavy). And I want have a whole herd of flying cows. And also can I have a new car that goes under the ground. Yeah I don't care about screwing up the streets or causing your house to fall into a huge pothole.

Thanks Santa er Genie.
 

Nymtoc

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Granted. You will have 3.5 million English pounds, a herd of flying cows, and a new car that goes under the ground. You will be able to enjoy all these things in your new home, a beautiful cell in the State Hospital for the Incurably Insane. You will be able to look out your window (the bars are titanium and won't impede the view too much) and see rolling hills and rippling brooks. Your flying cows will flap past your window and go "moooooo, Nathan!" once or twice an hour. Your 3.5 million pounds will be perfectly secure in the hospital's safe. Your underground car will be zooming around...um...underground, and you will hear its engine roar and its tailpipe belch exhaust all the time. You will be very happy.

I wish I had more interesting breakfasts.

 

Marissa D

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Granted--you now have very interesting breakfasts. Well-informed, too--they're very fond of discussing current events and have requested that you subscribe to multiple morning papers so that they can always find new topics of conversation and debate to present you as you stumble into the kitchen each day, yawning and scratching. They start to complain when you refuse to hold up your side of the conversation, unfortunately, and leave in search of more stimulating company...so, no breakfast at all for you.

I wish that every time I find a new product I like, it wouldn't be discontinued in a matter of months.
 

Nymtoc

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Granted. It will be discontinued in a matter of days.

I wish there were an "honesty detector" (similar to a metal-detector wand used by law enforcement to quickly move around someone's body without inconveniencing them), so we wouldn't have to waste our time trying to figure out if...oh, for example...some government official...can't imagine who...is a dangerous liar.
 

Nerdilydone

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Granted, but the lie detector only detects the presence of any lie within a 40 mile radius, meaning you can't imagine who the liar is.

I wish for world peace.
 

Mary Mitchell

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Granted. The world we have named Kepler 452-b is to our knowledge (which is admittedly limited) at peace.

I wish stars were different colors, like Christmas lights in the sky.
 

Nymtoc

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Granted. Stars are different colors, but you have been stricken with a strange eye disease and can see only shades of gray (don't ask how many).

I wish I had a Caesar salad--right now.
 

Mary Mitchell

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Granted. You've crashed. Stress over.

I wish my cat could talk so he could tell me which keys on my computer he pressed that made Windows unable to start and I had to restore to an earlier time when Windows was working (yes, folks, I have a damn theme going tonight).
 

NathanBrazil

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Your use of the word "Damn" has some of the wish makers over excited and they've decided to add a little extra flavor to the wish. Not only has your cat been given the gift of gab but he(she) has been slotted into a recently vacant upper management position in hell. You have been denigrated to one of its evil minions, where you spend your days weighing and rating sins.

I wish my brain could popup holographic signs with what I actually meant, when my tongue is busily tripping over itself.
 

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Granted, but it seems to have lost you your job, your friends, and your significant other since they found out what you really thought of them.

I wish someone else would pick produce from my garden for me.
 

CDSinex

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Granted: In the middle of the night someone sneaks into your garden, picks it clean, and sets up a table at the local farmer's market.

I wish bacon grew on trees.
 

M.S. Wiggins

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Denied. The swine constituents I consulted with are not on board with this wish and the trees weren’t all that happy with your wishful legislation either. I recommend you cross the partisan aisle and seek alternative-food-choice agendas.

I wish politics would go back to being boring.