Your wish is granted...

Granted. Of course, being elite, they refuse to do anything for you except their beloved ninja stuff, and all the silent roof hopping and the throwing stars stuck in the siding are creeping out the neighbors.

I wish the city would repair the potholes.

Granted....under a new ordinance approved by Mayor PoBot.....an elite crew of Road Ninjas have been contracted to fix the potholes which have been deemed an "elite" problem to the public contentment.

I wish my lawn was "self-mowing"

Granted. Now your lawn is as barren as the Death Valley in California. Now it kills off all plant life that might grow in it, so it mows itself to a nice 0 inches.

I wish I had perfect good luck.

Granted. You have the good luck to be fired from a job that wasn't maximizing your potential, but you can't afford food. You have the good luck to receive anonymous food baskets full of healthy food, but you hate kale and miss chocolate. You have the good luck to be married to a perfect woman, and married men live longer, but your wife attracts all sorts of men and you spend your days in a miasma of jealously...

I wish my desk had endless space, all of it within reach.

Granted. You have long rubbery, stretchy arms to reach as far as you might need, but we had to rob Peter to pay Paul. You've lost pretty much everything else, including legs, nose and mouth, etc. You're just a tiny circular blob with a single tiny eye (and really long arms) sitting upon your endless desk.

I wish 4/20 was a national holiday.

Granted, 4/20 is officially the official holiday of Employment Cheer. You are now a plumber stuck in the New York sewer and Employment Cheer day is the holiday we show our appreciation to our employer by working a 24-hour shift. Unforchanantly, employers don't have to pay for the labor performed on Employment Cheer Day.

I wish my mortgage was paid off.

Denied. You don't deserve it for inventing Employment Cheer Day.

I wish the Galapagos Islands weren't so hard to get to.

Granted. I've opened a portal inside of your fridge. Trips there are free, but the trip back will be 200$ deposited into my PayPal account. I'll PM you the info.

I wish I had a brain exercise machine that would allow me to zone out, watching endless hours of 70s sitcoms, but not turn my mind into mush.

Granted. Your brain is now addicted to exercise and won't leave the machine. Your body is wasting away from lack of food and exercise, and your once favorite chair has become unpleasantly stained.

I wish clouds rained money.

Granted, but you're forced to spend it only on sketchy diet pills and self help books.

I wish the whole world found me irresistibly sexy.

Granted! Not only people find you sexy, all the animals can't stay away from you too.

I wish my house cleaned itself.

Granted.....your house has taken on a personality of it's own; but it's more of a Tony Curtis OCD type and swats you out each time it cleans......on the hour.

I wish they wouldn't invent driverless cars. It's too Tom Swift for me.

Granted. Instead you are a carless driver. Hope you have good weather waiting for the bus.

I wish popsicles didn't drip.

Granted. Get yer granite hard strawberry flavored popsicles. Guaranteed to get rid of loose teeth.

I wish fer several rows of teeth like a shark's but much smaller and a pocket mouse that I can feed lint to and one of them Shetland ponies.

Granted! Except now...you have a mouthfull of little shark teeth... what were you thinking! Meanwhile your Shetland pony and pocket mouse don't get along, noisily, which gives you headaches.

I wish my parents loved me.

Granted....they love the fact that you moved out upon passing your exams and now live in priory in france where you perfect your monkish pole dancing skills. Strange, but meh....that's life.

I wish my feedback was more than just solicitors and back notices.

Granted. Your feedback now includes perpetual piercing shrieks from your guitar amp until it eventually blows your speakers (and your eardrums).

I wish over the rainbow was a real place.

Lassie.....Over the Rainbow is real.....ya jus have to get a flight to old Eire......there, the rainbow will take ye away to a magical place.....to Knocknasheega where Darby and King Brian will await ya.


How come camels are so nasty.

Nothing wished, nothing granted.

I wish people would come up to me on the street and ask for my autograph.

Banned for not reading the previous poster's mind. Wait ... That's another thread. Sorry - somebody gave me the wrong script. Can I please get page 5?!!!!!

Ahem ..

Granted, you find that a host of people follow you continuously - constantly harassing you for autographs - even following you into the bathroom. I'm sorry you'll have to burn another wish to get rid of the pests.

I wish original story ideas came in pill form.

Granted. Now there are creative idea pills, but to get one, you must become an indentured servant for five years to a jerk who wants you to do all the gross and difficult chores he doesn't want to do, like cleaning his plumbing, and pruning his collection of shaped hedges.

I wish I had a bank account with infinite money in it.

Granted. You have an infinite moneyed account, the federal government is still finding all of the ways you have cheated on your taxes. Federal warrants are being issued as we speak.

I wish that happiness washed over me each time life brought me down.

Granted. Happiness washes over you like honey. Unfortunately, dirt sticks to honey, as does pet hair, pine needles...and flies! Yes, you definitely attract flies. I hesitate to mention bears. Do you live where there are bears?

I wish my cat wouldn't keep poking the corners of my screens loose.

Granted. Ooops...i think my magical spell sent your cat into oblivion! Sorry about that!

I wish i was in Norway!

Granted. You are booked for the first flight to Norway on United Airlines. You guessed it. They over-booked and you chose the short straw. They decided to push you out of the plane, mid-flight with a parachute made from recycled newspaper. On the plus side, you're over the ocean, so you still have a fighting chance.

I wish emotional baggage was recyclable.