bannedbooks

Read a Banned Book

If this site is helpful to you,
Please consider a voluntary subscription to defray ongoing expenses.


 

Welcome to the AbsoluteWrite Water Cooler! Please read The Newbie Guide To Absolute Write

Page 681 of 682 FirstFirst ... 181431581606631656671675676677678679680681682 LastLast
Results 17,001 to 17,025 of 17038

Thread: Your wish is granted...

  1. #17001
    Do to recent budget cuts in our regional offices the best we can do is this custom Magic 8 Ball.
    Just think of the person you're trying to read and speak your question out loud.
    "Does she like me?"
    *shakey shakey*
    "Unclear. I would suggest a phone call."




    I wish I could create a digital person that would handle all of my shopping - freeing up my time for the more important things - like playing AW word games.
    "If it took lying on one's back and making sounds like a panther in the desert, then one did it . . . " Pretty Maggie Moneyeyes - H. Ellison

    Fallen
    . Ok, it's been a long while since I've written any poetry, so be gentle.

    That place where posts dream of electric sheep.

  2. #17002
    Sailing in a sea of mushroom... Nerdilydone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    ...
    Posts
    531
    You can, but only if you see someone's brain directly. It doesn't work if they're still alive. Or if the brain isn't fresh.

    I wish for candy.

  3. #17003
    Benefactor Member Nymtoc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Between the lines
    Posts
    37,500
    Granted. It is super-hard peanut brittle, and it tastes great. Too bad it breaks off two of your teeth.

    I wish I could meet rejection with a smile.


    "Ignorance is an evil weed, which dictators may cultivate among their dupes, but which no democracy can afford among its citizens." -- William Beveridge

  4. #17004
    practical experience, FTW JoB42's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    185
    Granted. All it takes is practice, practice, practice! I have arranged it so that you will have plenty of opportunities to perfect this ability for the rest of your life. You're welcome.

    I wish I had x-ray vision.

  5. #17005
    Benefactor Member Nymtoc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Between the lines
    Posts
    37,500
    Granted. But your X-ray vision works only in medical X-ray departments.There you can have lots of fun looking at femurs, clavicals, radiuses, ulnas, astragaluses, fractured craniums, etc.

    I wish my current, nagging problem would resolve itself soon.


    "Ignorance is an evil weed, which dictators may cultivate among their dupes, but which no democracy can afford among its citizens." -- William Beveridge

  6. #17006
    Go down road, go pub. Mary Mitchell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    1,685
    Granted. You no longer nag anyone. As a result, you rarely get what you want. (Except, of course, this time.)

    I wish I wasn't actually shy.
    It's a simple fact of life that not everyone will be your target audience.

  7. #17007
    Scribe of the girls in the basement Marissa D's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    New England but hankering for the old one
    Posts
    1,125
    Your wish is granted, and you are no longer actually shy--just virtually so, which unfortunately makes your on-line interactions highly awkward, difficult, and exhausting.

    I wish someone would develop a low-carb pina colada.

  8. #17008
    Professor of applied misanthropy Drachen Jager's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Vancouver
    Posts
    16,129
    Granted, the carburetor on your pina colada is now mounted on the base of your glass. Be sure to prime it with alcohol if the engine gets wet.

    I wish I had a million more wishes.


    It's true what they say about Unicorns, I have video proof!

  9. #17009
    Go down road, go pub. Mary Mitchell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    1,685
    Granted. But, surprisingly, you run out of things to wish for around the 3,678 mark. The wish Genie is angered by your wasting of wishes and revokes everything he/she had previously granted. Unfortunately, the whole, "You don't miss what you've never had," thing no longer applies to you, and everything you do have left gets sold to support your expensive need for antidepressants.

    I wish I owned a helicopter.
    It's a simple fact of life that not everyone will be your target audience.

  10. #17010
    Scribe of the girls in the basement Marissa D's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    New England but hankering for the old one
    Posts
    1,125
    Granted! You now own a helicopter. It's kept at a small airfield outside Kuala Lumpur.

    I wish someone else would do my Christmas shopping for me this year.

  11. #17011
    Benefactor Member Nymtoc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Between the lines
    Posts
    37,500
    Granted. The Genie will do your Christmas shopping for you this year. (Of course, there will be a small charge involved...)

    I wish I had the gift of prophecy.


    "Ignorance is an evil weed, which dictators may cultivate among their dupes, but which no democracy can afford among its citizens." -- William Beveridge

  12. #17012
    Go down road, go pub. Mary Mitchell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    1,685
    Granted. Unfortunately, what has been seen can never be unseen. You now wish you had never wished that.

    I wish you hadn't told me what you'd seen.
    It's a simple fact of life that not everyone will be your target audience.

  13. #17013
    Benefactor Member Nymtoc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Between the lines
    Posts
    37,500
    Granted. I told you I saw you stepping in front of a herd of stampeding elephants and told you about it, but okay...if you don't want to know...you're on your own...



    I wish the world's finest restaurants would deliver my dinner each night--free of charge.


    "Ignorance is an evil weed, which dictators may cultivate among their dupes, but which no democracy can afford among its citizens." -- William Beveridge

  14. #17014
    Go down road, go pub. Mary Mitchell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    1,685
    Granted. Many of these restaurants are French, and famous for their very high calorie sauces and desserts. Soon you have grown so large you can no longer make your way to the door to answer it when dinner is delivered. The delivery person shrugs and leaves. The restaurants stop delivering. Ironically, you starve to death from malnutrition (your lack of potassium combined with excessive weight lead to a fatal heart attack) before the lack of calories leads to enough weight loss to enable you to correct the situation.

    I wish I could get that "hug from the universe/Buddhism in a bottle" feeling that oxy provides from something innocuous, like milk.
    It's a simple fact of life that not everyone will be your target audience.

  15. #17015
    Professor of applied misanthropy Drachen Jager's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Vancouver
    Posts
    16,129
    Granted, the genie has stocked your refrigerator full of oxycontin laced milk.

    I wish I had a home office with a door.


    It's true what they say about Unicorns, I have video proof!

  16. #17016
    Unfortunately, your wish was picked up by one of our noobs - and they are grossly underfed underpaid - so they have difficulty concentrating on the task at hand. He decided to take a very liberal interpretation of 'home'. Your new 'home' is inside the belly of a creature that slinks along the bottom of the ocean. The belly is indeed home to a scaly creature with many rows of teeth and they have shared many a meal. You're in luck because he's bloated from his last kill and won't be hungry for a few days. You should be able to get quite a bit of work in. Oh and almost forgot. Here's your door.




    I wish I had someone on the sidelines that could give me a swift kick in the ass, whenever posting something that could only be explained by a pique of insanity.
    Last edited by NathanBrazil; 09-11-2017 at 11:05 PM.
    "If it took lying on one's back and making sounds like a panther in the desert, then one did it . . . " Pretty Maggie Moneyeyes - H. Ellison

    Fallen
    . Ok, it's been a long while since I've written any poetry, so be gentle.

    That place where posts dream of electric sheep.

  17. #17017
    Professor of applied misanthropy Drachen Jager's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Vancouver
    Posts
    16,129
    Umm granted.

    There's no 'evil genie' at play here, but given your propensity for posting the inane and insane you will be very sore.


    I wish I could meditate myself into a zen state of absolute peace with the Universe.


    It's true what they say about Unicorns, I have video proof!

  18. #17018
    Go down road, go pub. Mary Mitchell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    1,685
    Granted. Apparently all you have to do is raid my fridge.

    I wish I had a tiny house with infinite closet space.
    It's a simple fact of life that not everyone will be your target audience.

  19. #17019
    Benefactor Member Nymtoc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Between the lines
    Posts
    37,500
    Granted. But your tiny house is a doll's house, so naturally the Genie confuses you with Nora Helmer, and once you walk out that door there's no telling where you'll end up.

    I wish I had a coach-and-four.


    "Ignorance is an evil weed, which dictators may cultivate among their dupes, but which no democracy can afford among its citizens." -- William Beveridge

  20. #17020
    Scribe of the girls in the basement Marissa D's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    New England but hankering for the old one
    Posts
    1,125
    Granted! But the Genie is a big fan of Disney films, and your coach-and-four consists of a pumpkin and four rats. Pity you didn't wish for the Fairy Godmother as well...

    I wish I had the Unabridged Oxford English Dictionary installed in my brain.

  21. #17021
    Granted. We've installed the Dictionary to the back of your head (blame the contractors - they never get anything right), with a coin slot that allows the user one word for a quarter. True - this day and age - who needs a device like that. All but that poor sap, with a busted cell and a roll of quarters chasing you.
    "Just one more word. Please stop!"


    I wish for a device that could take those troublesome thoughts and generate a new form of money that can be traded to the street corner poets.
    "If it took lying on one's back and making sounds like a panther in the desert, then one did it . . . " Pretty Maggie Moneyeyes - H. Ellison

    Fallen
    . Ok, it's been a long while since I've written any poetry, so be gentle.

    That place where posts dream of electric sheep.

  22. #17022
    Sailing in a sea of mushroom... Nerdilydone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    ...
    Posts
    531
    Your wish has already been granted. They're called books.

    I wish for a book of cryptogram puzzles.

  23. #17023
    Professor of applied misanthropy Drachen Jager's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Vancouver
    Posts
    16,129
    Granted.

    Genie sometimes mixes vowels up. You were planning to use the book on the toilet anyhow, right?
    Just... you know, make sure to wash up after.

    I wish I had the wit of Samuel Clemens (when he was alive and writing).


    It's true what they say about Unicorns, I have video proof!

  24. #17024
    Sailing in a sea of mushroom... Nerdilydone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    ...
    Posts
    531
    Um, okay...but you know, his wit came from his life. And he suffered a lot of hardship, including the death of a child.

    In other words, have some hardship.

    I wish people wouldn't be so perverted.

  25. #17025
    Professor of applied misanthropy Drachen Jager's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Vancouver
    Posts
    16,129
    Granted. Perversion is all about perspective, and since it's easier to change one person than seven billion, you are now the most perverted person on the planet, rendering everyone else not very perverted in your view. You'll probably spend the rest of your life in jail if you give in to those urges though.

    I wish Nerdilydone would stop staring at me like that.


    It's true what they say about Unicorns, I have video proof!

Page 681 of 682 FirstFirst ... 181431581606631656671675676677678679680681682 LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Custom Search