Here is my first version and title I wrote some years ago and sent to my "needs work" folder.
Above Beats The Wind
wind
moaning wind
over the roof roams
lonely
sounds
you may not know
till
you are old
listening through many years
to creaking walls
the singing of wind
is lost memories -
rattle of cans in the yard
whistles in an empty bottle
Here is version two I took out a few months ago, rewrote, and gave a new title.
It's Here In The Wind
wind
cattle-straw wind
roams
over
the roof
sound of bells -
lonely
it rattles cans
in the yard
whistles
through empty bottles
moans
at the corners
of an old house
as you grow older
a pensive voice
seems to say -
it's here in the wind
I'm forever doing this with my poems. "Never finished, just abandoned".
I fiddle incessantly with articles (should it be a or the or none?). I wonder if I can find a better image, metaphor, or do without? Can I find a near rhyme to fit better than an end rhyme?
Have I progressed to another level and can I write the poem better now? There is something to be said for leaving them alone, but I think that's only for those skilled enough and confident enough to do it. For those who are fiddlers at heart, there's always the "needs work" folder.
Above Beats The Wind
wind
moaning wind
over the roof roams
lonely
sounds
you may not know
till
you are old
listening through many years
to creaking walls
the singing of wind
is lost memories -
rattle of cans in the yard
whistles in an empty bottle
Here is version two I took out a few months ago, rewrote, and gave a new title.
It's Here In The Wind
wind
cattle-straw wind
roams
over
the roof
sound of bells -
lonely
it rattles cans
in the yard
whistles
through empty bottles
moans
at the corners
of an old house
as you grow older
a pensive voice
seems to say -
it's here in the wind
I'm forever doing this with my poems. "Never finished, just abandoned".
I fiddle incessantly with articles (should it be a or the or none?). I wonder if I can find a better image, metaphor, or do without? Can I find a near rhyme to fit better than an end rhyme?
Have I progressed to another level and can I write the poem better now? There is something to be said for leaving them alone, but I think that's only for those skilled enough and confident enough to do it. For those who are fiddlers at heart, there's always the "needs work" folder.
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