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I need Help?

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Anacry

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I'm writing a tv pilot. And It's complete, at 39 pages. Except 39 is too short. So I need somebody willing to read it over, and give suggestions on how to bulk it up within a timely manner? I applied to a writing thing, and need an example of something original, which is part of why I'm writing this. But I need it done within the next few weeks.

It's fantasy/drama called "Guardian" and it's basically about Lilah, a rebellious teenager, who's mother has gone missing, and apparently connected to a string of supposed human sacrifices.
 
cornflake

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Anacry said:
I'm writing a tv pilot. And It's complete, at 39 pages. Except 39 is too short. So I need somebody willing to read it over, and give suggestions on how to bulk it up within a timely manner? I applied to a writing thing, and need an example of something original, which is part of why I'm writing this. But I need it done within the next few weeks.

It's fantasy/drama called "Guardian" and it's basically about Lilah, a rebellious teenager, who's mother has gone missing, and apparently connected to a string of supposed human sacrifices.
Click to expand...

Is this a drama?

That's not short for a sitcom, so I'm guessing you're looking at an hour-long drama. Add a subplot or a running deal. I
 

Anacry

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It's fantasy/drama, so yes, hour-long :) So it has to be closer to around 46 pages. And there is a lot going on, but I tend to write very fast-paced, and I got my husband to read it and he said that it just seemed like it got to the end really quickly. Which I'd like to attest to my amazing writing skills, but maybe it is a little too fast.
 
cornflake

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Anacry said:
It's fantasy/drama, so yes, hour-long :) So it has to be closer to around 46 pages. And there is a lot going on, but I tend to write very fast-paced, and I got my husband to read it and he said that it just seemed like it got to the end really quickly. Which I'd like to attest to my amazing writing skills, but maybe it is a little too fast.
Click to expand...

Do you have your beats and acts correct and in the correct places for breaks? Do you have arcs rising and falling and rising again before your conclusion? Do you have an A and a B or just an A?
 

Anacry

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cornflake said:
Do you have your beats and acts correct and in the correct places for breaks? Do you have arcs rising and falling and rising again before your conclusion? Do you have an A and a B or just an A?
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Beats and Act Breaks - yes - Four acts, plus teaser, each with a cliffhanger.
Rising and Falling - yes.

It's the pilot, so it's setting up a bunch of different plots.

There is the "human sacrifice" A-plot, which is the overarching main season plot - the main character (Lilah)'s mother has gone missing, her family dealing with her disappearance and she is found dead at the end.

There is a subplot of something weird happening to Lilah - She's being followed around by evil-type unearthly creatures. This plot ties eventually ties into her parentage, and where she's from and this odd sort of power she has.

And, since this is sort of a Vampire Diaries genre, there is another subplot of Lilah's boyfriend having an affair with her best friend.
 
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