Not rejected, but definitely dejected...

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Witch_turtle

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4/6 of my beta readers could not get through my manuscript :(

This has never happened before. I've had people loving my work, I've had people hating it, but I can't recall ever inspiring so much indifference. Not to mention vague and contradictory feedback. What the comments seem to be boiling down to is "Your writing is gorgeous, lyrical, and engaging...but for some reason we still don't want to read it."

I'm absolutely certain the story itself has merit. My QL got a positive response in Hell, based on writing and premise. My prose is good. And yet it seems to be the prose that's bogging people down, or alienating them, or something. Nobody can seem to put their finger on why.

One person said she got about 62 pages in, and gave up because she still didn't care about the MC or her quest.

I have actually never been discouraged by feedback before. I've always had a thick skin, and I've gone unfazed by far more cutting responses than this. But for some reason I feel completely humiliated right now for even putting this manuscript out there. Worse, I don't know how to fix it because I don't even understand what's wrong with it.

Dejected, indeed...
 

RaggedEdge

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I'm sure that would throw anyone off. :Hug2:

Are these beta readers a new batch or have they liked your previous work? Could it just be a matter of their taste not matching up with your style? I hope you get better feedback soon.
 

Fuchsia Groan

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Oh, this is the worst. I've had similar problems. No issues with the writing, just "didn't do it for me."

What did the two who did finish the book say? And did those who didn't finish give any substantive reasons why they didn't care about the MC?

You need to drill down to the substantive criticism. For instance, I've realized, through the helpful comments of readers, that I have real problems making my MC's motivations clear. I assume feelings and motivations are obvious, when they're not. I've learned that I need to tell as well as show, or the reader just won't get why the MC is doing things.

It's certainly possible that your readers don't care about the MC's quest for reasons of their own. Every popular book has detractors who just couldn't get into it. It's also possible that your excellent prose is so dense it's making it hard for readers to become involved in the story. I read literary fiction, I have great tolerance for "difficult" prose, and I still sometimes get so frustrated by it that I give up on a book. It's all about balance; you want to be lyrical without being self-indulgent.

I know nothing about your book, so I don't know if any of these criticisms apply. But you need to find a reader who is both articulate and willing to be brutally honest about why the book didn't work for him or her.

I've put a lot of books down half read. Hell, it took me two years to read Moby Dick because I could only take a little at a time. It's still an amazing book. I got tired of House of Leaves and haven't dipped into it for months, but I know I'll return to it. Other books I tear through in a few days, but I know they're crap. Still others I put down because I'm never going to enjoy them. So, what I'm saying is, people put books down for all kinds of reasons. You need to know why.
 

GeekTells

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Can I read it? Please? Can I? Huh? Can I? Can I?

Seriously. Would love to have a crack at it and help you figure out what's what. The nature of your betas' feedback is intriguing.

Wait, what's the genre? Feel free to PM me.

And one way or another, GL!
 

katci13

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It seems it might be falling short in getting people to care about your MC enough to keep reading. If they cared, they would finish. I know this doesn't help too much, but it gives you a place to start brainstorming for what's going on.

Is your MC likeable? Are they too perfect? Are they likeable, but devastatingly average? Are they interesting?

I hated the premise of Hunger Games. I only kept reading because I wanted to know how it was going to play out. I found the plot interesting enough to keep reading. I didn't even like Katniss. So plot is another thing to look at. And really look at it with a critical eye. Is it engaging? Is it interesting? Are the stakes high enough? Do people even know what the stakes are?

Ask yourself what would make you stop reading a book and see if you did any of those things. I put down Wicked because I stopped caring about the characters. I think that guy took too long to get to the point. It didn't help that I knew what happens in the book before I read it. It made it worse. Many people would disagree with me about the pacing, but it's another thing to think about.

Do you know what chapter/scene specifically it is where they stopped reading? Do they have anything in common?

I gotta say, I understand why you feel thrown, but it's really okay. You'll figure this out.
 

cornflake

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It seems it might be falling short in getting people to care about your MC enough to keep reading. If they cared, they would finish. I know this doesn't help too much, but it gives you a place to start brainstorming for what's going on.

Is your MC likeable? Are they too perfect? Are they likeable, but devastatingly average? Are they interesting?

I hated the premise of Hunger Games. I only kept reading because I wanted to know how it was going to play out. I found the plot interesting enough to keep reading. I didn't even like Katniss. So plot is another thing to look at. And really look at it with a critical eye. Is it engaging? Is it interesting? Are the stakes high enough? Do people even know what the stakes are?

Ask yourself what would make you stop reading a book and see if you did any of those things. I put down Wicked because I stopped caring about the characters. I think that guy took too long to get to the point. It didn't help that I knew what happens in the book before I read it. It made it worse. Many people would disagree with me about the pacing, but it's another thing to think about.

Do you know what chapter/scene specifically it is where they stopped reading? Do they have anything in common?

I gotta say, I understand why you feel thrown, but it's really okay. You'll figure this out.

Very much this. I think Katci makes some excellent points here - namely about the interest level and pacing.

I didn't like Katniss at all - by the end of the thing I really hated her actually - but I still read to the end (even though those books declined rapidly in quality). Katniss is offputting, but interesting. The other characters are interesting. A character doesn't need to be likable to hold interest. Hannibal Lecter is interesting.

I read Divergent and could not even tell you the MC's name. I couldn't be arsed to read the second even right after I put down the first. I only finished the first because it was a quick read and there. Not interesting. Also, stuff doesn't happen.

Stuff has to happen. Scenes exist to drive the plot forward in some way. Without some combination of these factors, people can fall off.

I don't know what's going on with your book, obviously, or your readers, just wanted to say I agreed with Katci.
 

buz

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4/6 of my beta readers could not get through my manuscript :(

This has never happened before. I've had people loving my work, I've had people hating it, but I can't recall ever inspiring so much indifference. Not to mention vague and contradictory feedback. What the comments seem to be boiling down to is "Your writing is gorgeous, lyrical, and engaging...but for some reason we still don't want to read it."

I'm absolutely certain the story itself has merit. My QL got a positive response in Hell, based on writing and premise. My prose is good. And yet it seems to be the prose that's bogging people down, or alienating them, or something. Nobody can seem to put their finger on why.

One person said she got about 62 pages in, and gave up because she still didn't care about the MC or her quest.

I have actually never been discouraged by feedback before. I've always had a thick skin, and I've gone unfazed by far more cutting responses than this. But for some reason I feel completely humiliated right now for even putting this manuscript out there. Worse, I don't know how to fix it because I don't even understand what's wrong with it.

Dejected, indeed...

Oh noooo :( That does sound very discouraging.

I remember liking your QL in hell; if you feel like putting it through more betas in hopes of getting something constructive, I wouldn't mind taking a shot at it.
 

sohalt

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I also remember really liking your query. The whole premise does sound potentially cerebral, which is not anyone's cup of tea.

What I liked about it was its originality - I really don't think I've seen that story told before. If I scouted TV-tropes, I would probably find something, but I would have to think twice, which rarely happens. For me that's a big plus.

But a lack of popular tropes means a lack of familiarity and for many readers also a lack of relatability.

Judging from the query and the synopsis, this seems like a fairly intimate narrative - a very small cast, a very limited setting, a relatively short period of time. So you can't rely on the sweep of an epic - the world you want to escape to is a world you can get lost in - you have to sell this on the strength of dynamic characters and relationships.

The easy way to ramp up some relationship drama is romance, but you forgo that too, and kudos for that. Nothing worse than a tacked on romantic subplot in a story that is at its heart very much about something else. If you ask me, romance is way too ubiquitous anyway.

Still, relationships are key for this kind of narrative. In your case propbably the relationship between your heroine and the queen, because that's what at the heart of her quest, her basic motivation, and that's also what's at stake when she fails. Fleshing that out must be difficult since the Queen never appears "on-screen", if I understand your synopsis correctly. But it's absolutely vital for relating to your heroine. If you want us to care about her quest, you need to first make us care about her queen.

Ask your betas how they feel about the queen, and if they can't think of anything worth mentionning with regard to her, you will have your answer.
 
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Witch_turtle

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Wow, thanks for all the great responses and suggestions for things to consider!

Of the two who finished the book, one was my brother, who picked out a few typos and an awkward sentence here and there but otherwise liked it. I wasn't expecting or looking for an in-depth critique from him, though, because he's my brother. The other was an AW member who had beta read for me before and whose critiques were always very intelligent and very helpful. He's admitted to preferring a much sparser style than mine, but was fantastic about reading it all the way through and giving an objective opinion about what's working and what isn't. "What isn't" just isn't very clear...to either of us.

The others were non-writer people who haven't read my work before. It's possible I got a batch that just weren't the right kind of readers, but I still find it worrisome. Some of their comments (though I got very few) confirm that I do need to cut back a bit on description and work on the pacing of my prose. That's the concrete criticism I've drilled down to, and I do have an action plan in place for how I'm going to approach it. I guess I'm just worried there's something more fundamentally wrong with the manuscript that improving the prose won't fix.

GeekTells, buzhidao, thanks for the offers to read. I'm thinking I will take a stab at revising first. I'm still waiting on one more reader, actually--my creative writing prof/Canadian fantasy author extrodinaire. Fingers crossed that he will be able to shed some light on the issue.

Also, sohalt, I just want to say thanks, and I agree with your assessment. What you've described is just what I'm going for with this work, although I do think that Beryl's relationship with the queen is probably far from adequately fleshed out.

*Think positive, Self. Maybe addressing these things will get rid of that weird, lurking, nebulous problem*
 

Jamesaritchie

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If beta reader and critique forums had even one tenth of a clue, slush piles wouldn't be nearly as horrible as they are. Almost everything that comes in has been beta read and critiqued to death, and almost all of it stinks.

Trust your gut and stop worry about what anyone except agents and editors have to say. Judging by the slush, the number one talent of beta readers is turning a good book into same old, same old because they read this is how you're supposed to do it. The number two talent seems to be judging a book by whether or not they like it. Both talents suck dead bunnies.
 
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