How do you find stuff for GOOD, detailed descriptions of physical action?

Kindness · May 20, 2013

I can describe landscapes and people but when it comes to adding detail to smaller events I flail a bit.

I'm not sure why... It's easy for me to pick out the concrete and specific things that add up to make a cave creepy/a house seem ancient/a man look messy, but when I try to elaborate on how a person does an action I come up blank.

While I might say "he stormed into the room", someone else would say, "he stormed into the room, his [bla bla bla] and his [bla bla bla]." People don't just flinch back from him, they "flinched back, their [bla bla bla]".

I hope you see what I mean

I don't have any trouble with putting things to words, just coming up with these finer details (to elaborate on events) to begin with. I do take notes about people and I do use google to picture things (which is why I have no trouble with immediate visual details), but purposeful action is something else entirely for me. I'd absolutely love to know how to elaborate on/flesh out movement and physical action.

Could someone please give me a step-by-step process of how they (you) do it? Even if it's an almost instantaneous mental thing there's bound to be a way you come up with or branch out to mop up all those intricate details

eleutheria · May 20, 2013

For me, I imagine it visually and then pretend that I'm explaining it to someone who has never seen it before. What do they do with their hands (making a fist, reaching to out to you, holding up a hand to tell you to stop, flailing about like when excited), with their eyes (do they squint, open them wide?), their mouth (lips pressed, or slightly open like in surprise, trembling). Just approach the relevant body parts and start asking yourself questions about what that would look like to someone who has never seen anger, or love, or apology, or any of those kinds of emotions. Kind of like how you explain a movie to someone who hasn't seen it - what details would you need to help that person understand the plot? Or to describe someone the other person has never seen? For that matter - watch a movie with an actor/actress in the relevant emotional state, and watch what they do.

Hopefully that helps in some small way.

rwm4768 · May 20, 2013

I don't think you need to have such detailed descriptions of physical action. Used to excess, they can make a story excessively long. You don't have to describe everything. Sometimes, a person storming into a room is enough.

JulianneQJohnson · May 20, 2013

Mostly I see it in my head, and describe what I see. You can also stand up and do the action yourself. Think about specific body parts as well, for example, when ____ happens, what are their hands doing? What is their facial expression?

angeliz2k · May 21, 2013

Sometimes, all you need to say is that Bob rushed into the room.

Has someone specifically said that this is missing in your writing, or is this a feeling you yourself are getting when you go back over your own writing? If the latter, you might want to try it on a beta reader to see if you really need to beef up your descriptions. It's possible you're psyching yourself out.

Now, the way I see it, there are two ways in which the lack of description could be a problem. One, your characters jump from place to place, but your reader is left behind (eg, Bob rushed into the room, but then he's suddenly outside under a tree, leaving your reader to wonder how the hell he got there). Or two, your descriptions, taken altogether, just aren't painting a very vivid picture. Every phrase can't be as simple as "Bob walked into the room". Strong verbs above all will really help here. Maybe something along the lines of, "Bob crashed through the door into the living room." "Rushed" isn't too bad, either--it conveys haste and alarm.

muravyets · May 21, 2013

It depends on whether I'm describing something I know how to do or something I don't. For instance, if I'm describing starting a campfire in the rain, I've done that so I know the details. I visualize it from memory. However, if I'm describing a fistfight, that's something I've never done or witnessed first-hand, so I head on over to the internet and look for either reputable or unstaged videos, such as police training videos or news footage. I then combine description with imagining what it feels like, hopefully with supporting reports from people involved.

I get the scene I want written down from all these sources as completely and vividly as I can imagine so that it all feels like it's happening for me in real time.

Then I chop all that description out of the story.

What I want at the end is just a few selected words and images that will deliver the impact of the event with immediate visceral reality without telling the reader every little thing.

Chekurtab · May 21, 2013

rwm4768 said:
I don't think you need to have such detailed descriptions of physical action. Used to excess, they can make a story excessively long. You don't have to describe everything. Sometimes, a person storming into a room is enough.

I'll second that. The reader isn't dumb, as long as you write a clear narrative with strong verbs he/she will get the picture. One adjective here, another adverb there won't hurt you, but detailed wordy descriptions lumped together are unnecessary IMO.

jjdebenedictis · May 21, 2013

It's not wrong to keep these things short, but it can enrich your story a great deal to have a perfect, yet brief expansion on short descriptions.

One technique I heard that I find quite useful is to include something that most people wouldn't necessarily notice in the scene, at least not on first glance.

Or, another way to put that is, you should try to avoid describing the first, second, or third thing that you think to describe, because they're too obvious. Instead include something that's way down the list.

For example, "He stormed into the office. ~~His face was red and his hands were knotted into fists.~~ ~~The man's tie had been yanked askew.~~ ~~His eyes were bloodshot and glossy from either distress or alcohol.~~ Behind him, the door banged off the wall and swung slowly to a halt, shuddering visibly."

By including a detail that isn't obvious, you force the reader's mind to use some lateral thinking in order to understand what's happening in the scene. Their imagination is forced to picture it, which draws them deeper into your story.

Since you can trust their imagination to paint in the obvious stuff--i.e. most of the stuff I've crossed out in the above example--you don't necessarily have to include any of that explicitly.

Dave.C.Robinson · May 21, 2013

Also, if you're writing in a tight POV, reducing description during action scenes is actually a positive. If the character is caught up in the moment, they won't have time to notice all the details.

Kindness · May 24, 2013

Thanks everyone!! I'm glad I asked this

Nobody's ever told me to add more description, but sometimes I see the way other people break down events and I can't help but envy them! I'll try all of the things you mentioned. It's more of an experience-for-the-reader thing

Layla Nahar · May 24, 2013

I only provide a lot of detail about movement if it's an action scene. I act things out if I need to (incl. using props) and I've used little objects to represent players & setting in order to block things out correctly.

sitalakshmi · May 24, 2013

I have trouble with this too. What I usually do is close my eyes and imagine the scene taking place. That usually works. Like someone said before you don't need to do this in excess but sometimes its just absolutely essential.

How do you find stuff for GOOD, detailed descriptions of physical action?

Kindness

Back From My Self-Imposed Exile

eleutheria

rwm4768

practical experience, FTW

JulianneQJohnson

Ferret Herder

angeliz2k

never mind the shorty

muravyets

Old revolutionary

Chekurtab

Smart donkey. Please don't call me-

jjdebenedictis

is watching you via her avatar

Dave.C.Robinson

... with the High Command

Kindness

Back From My Self-Imposed Exile

Layla Nahar

Seashell Seller

sitalakshmi

a mystery fan