Bat mitzvahs

geminirising · Apr 1, 2013

I hope this is the right forum!

I'm writing a short scene where my 10 y.o. MC is attending a bat mitzvah ceremony/party for his best friend's sister (MC is not Jewish, so this is new to him).

I've only attended one bat mitzvah in my life, and it was a VERY long time ago. Are there any good bat mitzvah scenes in contemporary books/movies that I might use as a reference point? This isn't a major plot point or anything, but I'd like to be informed and accurate.

(Oh, the scene takes place on a Friday night, and from what I can tell online, that seems OK for a bat mitzvah?)

Bing Z · Apr 1, 2013

Is the girl filthy rich? If so, read "Schooled" by Anisha Lakhani.

Rachel Udin · Apr 1, 2013

Budget? Hebrew lessons? What sect of Jew?

blacbird · Apr 1, 2013

Go to your local rabbi, tell him of your interest, and arrange to attend a typical Bat Mitzvah. Be generous with a few dollars to the honoree. I very much doubt you'll be turned away. It's called research.

I was raised a good Lutheran boy in American Scandinavia, and I've attended Orthodox Jewish weddings, and been graciously welcome.

caw

geminirising · Apr 2, 2013

Thanks, everyone. The girl's family would not on a budget—I'd say they're "small town wealthy." I'm pretty ignorant about all of this, so I do not know the sect of Judaism or anything about Hebrew lessons.

I'm going to check out "Schooled"!

benbenberi · Apr 2, 2013

I was at a gathering recently that included a 12-yr-old girl whose social life this year seems to revolve around bar/bat mitzvahs every weekend. After the synagogue service there's ALWAYS a party, and in her circle (well-off suburban, not rich) it is apparently a BIG party -- think wedding, scaled down for 12/13 year olds. The party always has a theme, with associated decoration, food, & swag for the guests. Live music or a DJ. Generally either Friday night or Saturday afternoon, occasionally Sunday if the weekend is a popular one. It's not unknown for 2 kids in the same set to have a joint service & share a party, but that's not the preferred style.

geminirising · Apr 2, 2013

Thanks, benbenberi, I can totally picture this!

hester · Apr 2, 2013

Blacbird has a very good suggestion--many synagogues would be fine with your attending the religious service.

I've attended several, both the services and the after-parties. If you want to get an idea of the service itself, rent "A Serious Man" (Joel and Ethan Coen directed, and it's a great film). For the party aspect, they range from incredibly ornate and expensive to small and modest. My son (who was bar mitzvahed, reform synagogue), also attended several, and one kid had a whole circus theme complete with audioanimatronic animals (sorry for the spelling

).

If you have any other questions, I'd be glad to answer them, and good luck!

geminirising · Apr 2, 2013

I will definitely check out "A Serious Man," thank you!

OK, I'm a little obsessed with the circus-themed one with audioanimatronic animals. That sounds both awesomely fun and somewhat frightening.

Again, thank you!

Evelyn · Apr 2, 2013

Hi,

It might also be worthwhile to find out how small-town communities celebrate b'nei mitzvahs. (That's the plural, boy or girl) The culture of the celebrations is quite different in different areas of the country. I live in Seattle, and our Reform Temple restricts the after-service party to cold food only for the buffet, and other restrictions as well. Many people then host parties (large and small) later in the day for the kid and their friends.

It is another thing altogether in other parts of the country. My nephew and niece, who live in a Chicago suburb, both had elaborate evening parties in a hotel banquet room. Their celebrations looked more like wedding receptions, with a DJ and dancing and a sit-down dinner.

Someone mentioned Hebrew school - this is a vital component. The guidelines may differ from Temple to Temple, but as a prelude to a Bar Mitzvah, our kids had to attend Hebrew school for five years, twice a week. It's a huge commitment, and expensive. The last year of Hebrew school, a kid will typically also have private lessons with a tutor to help him or her prepare. The kids play a huge part in the service, reading and chanting in a foreign language (Hebrew) and leading the worship. The kids at our Temple (and I believe this is universal?) also write a sermon and give it to the congregation. For many kids this is their first experience of public speaking.

Also, in my experience, the Bar Mitzvah services are on Saturday mornings. It could be different elsewhere?

lbender · Apr 2, 2013

The suggestion about attending one is good. There haven't been any movies that I'm aware of about Bat Mitzvahs. However, there have been a few about Bar Mitzvahs. Change the gender of the protagonist and they're similar.

Here's a link to an article in the JUF News about Bar Mitzvah movies - http://www.juf.org/news/local.aspx?id=74780.

The first movie they mention is Keeping Up with the Steins.

Good luck.

Shakesbear · Apr 2, 2013

Some Synagogues/Temples differentiate between Bat and Bar Mitzvah. Some do not let girls read from the Torah. The girls has to prepare a sermon on the Sedra (portion of the Torah allocated to a particular time of the year) of the day, and sometimes include the Haftorah (the Nevi'im and Ketuvim - prophets and writings) as well. Boys are allowed to read from the Torah. I agree with Evelyn about the commitment and expense. Some Synagogues/Temples will expect the Bat/Bar Mitzvah to not only read the Sedra but translate it as well. Torah scrolls do not have any punctuation and Hebrew has no capital letters, only some 'final' ones. Reading from a scroll is very difficult.

Siri Kirpal · Apr 2, 2013

Sat Nam! (literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

A strict Orthodox shul (they don't use the word "Temple") would not allow a girl to read from the Torah, though some of them do Bat Mitzvah's anyway.

Shul = Orthodox
Synagogue = Conservative (or generic)
Temple = Reform or Reconstructistic

Hope that helps.

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal

Siri Kirpal · Apr 2, 2013

Sat Nam! (literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

Oops! My spelling got a bit wonky; it's Reconstructivist.

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal

Mrs. de Winter · Apr 2, 2013

I was also going to suggest you watch A Serious Man. And have you tried looking for Bar/Bat Mitzvah videos on YouTube?

storygirl99 · Apr 2, 2013

Evelyn said:
Hi,

It might also be worthwhile to find out how small-town communities celebrate b'nei mitzvahs. (That's the plural, boy or girl) The culture of the celebrations is quite different in different areas of the country. I live in Seattle, and our Reform Temple restricts the after-service party to cold food only for the buffet, and other restrictions as well. Many people then host parties (large and small) later in the day for the kid and their friends.

It is another thing altogether in other parts of the country. My nephew and niece, who live in a Chicago suburb, both had elaborate evening parties in a hotel banquet room. Their celebrations looked more like wedding receptions, with a DJ and dancing and a sit-down dinner.

Someone mentioned Hebrew school - this is a vital component. The guidelines may differ from Temple to Temple, but as a prelude to a Bar Mitzvah, our kids had to attend Hebrew school for five years, twice a week. It's a huge commitment, and expensive. The last year of Hebrew school, a kid will typically also have private lessons with a tutor to help him or her prepare. The kids play a huge part in the service, reading and chanting in a foreign language (Hebrew) and leading the worship. The kids at our Temple (and I believe this is universal?) also write a sermon and give it to the congregation. For many kids this is their first experience of public speaking.

Also, in my experience, the Bar Mitzvah services are on Saturday mornings. It could be different elsewhere?

This has been my experience of bat mitzvahs!

Always, always on Saturday morning, with a party following in the afternoon or evening.

Bat mitzvahs

geminirising

Bing Z

illiterate primate

Rachel Udin

blacbird

geminirising

benbenberi

practical experience, FTW

geminirising

hester

New year, new avatar.

geminirising

Evelyn

I'm writing!

lbender

Shakesbear

knows a hawk from a handsaw

Siri Kirpal

Swan in Process

Siri Kirpal

Swan in Process

Mrs. de Winter

Eating cookies

storygirl99