1. The self publishing guru's handbook was indeed a metaphor. It comes from a lot of experience here and in other places, where self published authors show up on a site, extol the virtues of self publishing, and put down anything at all to do with trade publishing. They promote lies, they quote individuals who have a vested interest in the self publishing model as if they know some universal truth, they link to sites devoted to self publishing. They also call self publishing "indie" so as to make it seem more legit.
Are there self published authors who are reasonable? Absolutely. I know many of them. Many of them come to this site. Many of them are my friends in real life as well (I mean, off the internet). But I have been on this board for years. Yes, years. And I have seen, time and time again, a self published author come along and try to convince someone unsure of what they are doing that there is no point in going the trade route.
Clearly considering your response, I was wrong to assume such of you. But I am not the only one who makes sweeping assumptions. You made a sweeping one about conferences, saying basically the only reason agents do it is they need the money because their business is failing. This is an untruth. Some might, but I don't know any personally (and I know a fair few agents). I thought that misinformation was not helpful, and considering the OPs response after you posted, I thought the OP needed to hear the other side of the story. Considering the other evidence (your linking to an "indie" site, your seeming cynical attitude towards agents) I thought you were one of those authors I mentioned above. I was wrong. I'm sorry.
2. I know ebooks get picked up by the trades. I like ebooks. I'm publishing an ebook (with an ebook publisher, not self published, but still - I am very supportive of self publishing, I even designed a cover for a friend). My issue was two fold. One the choice of the word "troll". To me it is a negative sounding word. Like publishers are so desperate now that they need to wade into the mire. Two. The fact also remains that while self published ebooks are getting picked up by the trades, they are still not being done so in large numbers. Especially compared with how many self published books there are out there right now. Why is it that every time a self published book gets picked up it's news? If it happened with boring regularity no one would write about it. The lion's share of books being acquired through trades is still happening through the old route.
I am not denying a sea of change. I'm simply not sure what any of this has to do with the OP needing advice for attending a pitch session, and why it was necessary to make the OP second guess going to the conference in the first place when you have no idea which conference it is yet. Yes publishing is in flux, it doesn't mean that conferences don't still exist to help authors with agents/editors attending because they really do want to help.
I apologize for misreading your intentions. If you hang around here for a while, I think you will start to understand where I am coming from. Especially about the self published authors who come along to bash trade publishing. It happens a lot here. And maybe it's made me a little more sensitive and wary. I was wrong. And I'm sorry.