Make up an outrageous lie about the previous poster, part II

Drachen Jager

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JoB42 had a cat... with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
 

Fruitbat

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^Followed Mary to school one day (before the restraining order).
 

Drachen Jager

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Fruitbat once lived in a nunnery for six months.

Not for religious reasons or anything, she just lost her housekeys.
 

Fruitbat

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^Has a prurient interest in nunneries.
 

Drachen Jager

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Only because Fruitbat dresses in a habit and frolics in the flowers in front of my house. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the frolicking, I just wish she wouldn't trample my begonias.
 

Nymtoc

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^ Finally returned from the unknown, saying that he had discovered a third polar region. Though he remains secretive about its exact location, it seems to lie somewhere between the North Pole and Atlantis, or maybe Hogwarts, or...hell, do you really believe anything he says?
 

Fruitbat

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^Has gotten to the bottom of the moon landing hoax at last.
 

Drachen Jager

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Turns out the "moon" was actually Fruitbat's attempt to show NASA what she thought of them.
 

Fruitbat

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^Surprised his pals in the woods when he misunderstood what they meant by "making moonshine."
 

Drachen Jager

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I had to draw Fruitbat a diagram to explain the eclipse to her. Every time I tried to explain it with words and I said, "moon" she bent over and dropped her drawers.

I suspect she's still under the influence of a hypnotist she saw ten years ago, either that or she just enjoys it so much she continues to pretend to this day.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind any of this, especially when she's frolicking among the begonias. "Moon! Moon! Moooooon!"
 

NathanBrazil

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^Back in Drachen's day, mooning had a much different meaning. All of the unusual, unwanted, darker emotions would be siphoned off into the appendix, forming a small ball. This ball would be lifted up and sent to the heavens giving birth to a new planet. But the darker stuff was much too heavy to lift skyward and was called a moon. Thus "mooning" was the sharing of your deepest, darkest self.
 

Drachen Jager

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Nathan has only read legends about the old gods, he knows it will drive him insane if he learns too many of our secrets, so I tease him occasionally with tidbits of knowledge and he begs for more, "Oh please, great and mighty Drachen, please can I just go a little bit insane?"

The dark stuff IS the moon, Nathan, how else could it blot out the sun during an eclipse!
 

Lavern08

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DJ wouldn't know a begonia if one walked up and bit him on the butt - He thinks his so-called knowledge of flowers that start with the letter 'B' impresses all the ladies.

Tsk, tsk.
 

Drachen Jager

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Lavern thinks begonias bite her on the butt, so she whacks them with a stick, and she waters the brown snakes in the front yard every day.
 

Drachen Jager

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M.S. Wiggins biked to the liquor store yesterday to buy a bottle of vodka, but when she'd bought it, she realized she had no way to get it home except in the basket on the front of her bike. S;he worried if she fell it would break, so she came up with the clever idea of drinking the whole bottle before riding back.

Good thing too, she fell seven times on the way home!
 

Fruitbat

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DJ is a smart feller, give or take a couple of first letter swaps.
 

Drachen Jager

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Fruitbat keeps buying my fmarts. I have no idea why, but at $120 a bottle who's going to say no?
 

Pony.

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^Tried to start a bar fight by pinching the bartender's butt.(He didn't mind, but his wife just put Mary at number one on her shitlist).
 

Nymtoc

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^ Voluneered to referee the showdown between Mary and the bartender's wife.