Make up an outrageous lie about the previous poster, part II

Drachen Jager · Mar 11, 2013

A butcher opened in Saija's neighborhood a few months ago. She walked by there and got a laugh when she saw it's named "The Loin King".

Two can play at that game, thought Saija. So she got the financing together and a month ago opened her own butcher's shop. She stocked it with the finest cuts of venison, rabbit and wild game. Still, business is slow, and it looks like she's going to have to close shop. She doesn't understand where she went wrong, she even came up with the perfect Disney-themed name.

She called it, "Bambi and Friends".

Nymtoc · Mar 11, 2013

Drachen Jager has launched a line of designer pajamas, featuring cut-outs in places that normally would be covered. They are available online as "DJ's PJ's."

NathanBrazil · Mar 11, 2013

Nymtoc is wearing those pajamas and wait . . . his av just winked at me.

alleycat · Mar 11, 2013

Nathan is going to get lucky tonight.

Drachen Jager · Mar 11, 2013

Alleycat just cracked 50,000 posts, but 99.9% of them are simply him quoting another user and adding, "I agree." He does this at random several hundred times a day.

Makes the achievement a little less impressive if you ask me.

WriterWho · Mar 11, 2013

Drachen Jager tried to steal AC's party beer.

Drachen Jager · Mar 11, 2013

WriterWho peed in it before she gave it back.

WriterWho · Mar 11, 2013

Drachen Jager still drank one.

Drachen Jager · Mar 11, 2013

Only because WriterWho gets off on that sort of thing.

Saija · Mar 11, 2013

On Drachen Jager's stomach is small slit of a mouth, from which protrudes multiple tentacles. These tentacles work like a fisherman's lure. He excretes a sticky, mucus-like substance with which he coats his tentacles so that he is able to capture small fish and crustaceans from his environment. After this, he injects them with a neurotoxin, paralyzing his prey and drawing them into his strangely-shaped mouth. Within his mouth is a gastrovascular cavity that works as both an intake of nutrients and as a means for waste excretion.

Drachen hangs onto his environment with a small polyp that attaches to the surface of rocks and coral through use of an adhesive foot. He has a primitive nervous system that cannot sustain homeostasis. He has no skeleton and is able to move around slowly with his pedal disc. He can also propel himself forward using his tentacles or by flexing his body.

Defos · Mar 12, 2013

Saija rides on the back of her home grown ameoba, its cillia tickle the insides of her lumpy legs, long black nails cling to the the cell surface exiting the membrane just enough to make it secrete her pre-digested food.

flyingtart · Mar 12, 2013

Defos knows way too much about vasectomies.

Robbert · Mar 12, 2013

flyingtart once asked for a vasectomy.

Upon being told by the doctor that she was past her prime and thus sterilisation ...she left the clinic and filed a lawsuit for slander.

S. L. Saboviec · Mar 12, 2013

Robbert isn't offended if you tell him he's past his prime. "I'm goddamned eighty-four goddamned years old!" he shouts, especially when he's forgotten to put in his hearing aid. "Of course I'm goddamned past my goddamned prime! Now hand me my dentures!"

JoBird · Mar 12, 2013

Samantha Lane invented the booty call.

Saija · Mar 12, 2013

JoBird likes to dress in a tie and a bikini thong (or "banana hammock," as he calls it) and hang out with the similarly dressed WillSauger, Defos, Robbert, and Drachen Jager. I'm not sure what they talk about, but let's face it - they're not there for the intelligent conversation.

JoBird · Mar 12, 2013

Saija is desperately trying to find ways to make herself look older; she's even considered surgery. She feels like a cougar on the inside, but has the body of a barely legal on the outside.

Saija · Mar 12, 2013

JoBird tries to look younger so he can get picked up by cougars. The older, the better, as far as he's concerned. He's even considered the 84-year-old Robbert. Dentures are kinda his thing.

Drachen Jager · Mar 12, 2013

Saija said:
On Drachen Jager's stomach is small slit of a mouth, from which protrudes multiple tentacles. These tentacles work like a fisherman's lure. He excretes a sticky, mucus-like substance with which he coats his tentacles so that he is able to capture small fish and crustaceans from his environment. After this, he injects them with a neurotoxin, paralyzing his prey and drawing them into his strangely-shaped mouth. Within his mouth is a gastrovascular cavity that works as both an intake of nutrients and as a means for waste excretion.

Drachen hangs onto his environment with a small polyp that attaches to the surface of rocks and coral through use of an adhesive foot. He has a primitive nervous system that cannot sustain homeostasis. He has no skeleton and is able to move around slowly with his pedal disc. He can also propel himself forward using his tentacles or by flexing his body.

All of which makes it even more embarrassing for Saija when I write circles around her prose.

WriterWho · Mar 12, 2013

Drachen Jager turns in backward circles trying to see if he has the *ss of a pro athlete.

Drachen Jager · Mar 12, 2013

WriterWho has the ass of a pro athlete.

It's in the freezer. She's saving it for Christmas dinner.

WriterWho · Mar 12, 2013

Drachen Jager is the finest skinner in my hometown. I take him all of my prime specimens, and leave it up to him to give me the choice meats before he burns the leftovers. He often has Christmas dinner with me while I have Thanksgiving at his house. His frozen meat selection is even more 'exotic' than mine.

Drachen Jager · Mar 12, 2013

WriterWho let Jeffrey Dahmer take the fall for her crimes.

Nymtoc · Mar 12, 2013

Drachen Jager will be away for a few days. He is in Rome, campaigning to be Pope.

WriterWho · Mar 12, 2013

Nymtoc wishes to be a cockroach.

Make up an outrageous lie about the previous poster, part II

Professor of applied misanthropy

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riff-raff

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Your source of questionable advice

Warning: may contain humour.

Practical experience FTW

practical experience, FTW

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Your source of questionable advice

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Professor of applied misanthropy

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Professor of applied misanthropy

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