Make up an outrageous lie about the previous poster, part II

Robbert's favorite saying is, "Why pay for the cow when you can get the milk for free?" He does this sort of suggestive shimmy thing with his body after he says it. You have to see it to really appreciate it.

Personally, I don't judge. Whatever works for him. He says it's gotten him into more than one flashy sports car.

JoBird owns a dairy farm. The other day a man offered him some magic beans for free that would produce all the milk he could ever want.

JoBird just shook his head and said, "Dangit, I already bought the cows! Keep your stupid beans."

In a recent panel discussion someone in the audience asked: "Mr Jager, what makes unicorns the epitome of both awesomeness and worship?"

"To be honest, I don't think they are. It's the average bullshitter who makes them that way."

Robbert once climbed Mount Everest, as a younger man, using nothing but layered thrift store clothing, his sherpa guide, dried astronauts food and much perseverence. He lost seven toes in the successful attempt and, to this day, will not admit to the amazing feat.

Several years ago, Oreo dodged a 20-06 bullet an irate cow spat at him. The life-altering event would later be turned into an award winning full length novel by previously unknown author Benjamin Dover.
When inquired about the near-gruesome incident, Mr. Oreo was quoted as saying "We trust them, but the cows... they're not what they seem. I was investigating their connections with the owl cartel when it all happened and that's the most likely reason I can think of."
The cow was unavailable for comment.

Isbesetonallsides is fighting a battle he can't win.

Samantha Lane trolls these boards to meet gullible new writers . The subsequent meetings involve cellophane, hacksaws, cutting torches and a set of her favorite pliers. With these tools, she performs various bloodied and gristly acts to the showtune 'Mister Cellophane', which she plays on an original Walkman. She does this to improve her craft, written under a penned pseudonym. You've read her work. Most readers have.

Oreo1909 still has nightmares from that one My Little Pony movie he saw when he was four.

When Samantha Lane was much younger she made a bet that Betamax would ultimately win out against VHS in the format war. Since then, she's refused to pay up. "Time will tell," she keeps saying.

When JoBird turned three, his parents had the idea of giving him a lifelong present--a VHS player.

When JoBird's daughter turned three, he gave her a BlackBerry.

Robbert has never seen the attraction of Blackberries in the workplace. He's kept a bowl of them on his desk for months now and has yet to see an increase in his productivity.

LA thinks that Strawberries are much better that Blackberries in the workplace. She's kept a bowl of them on her desk for a year now and her productivity has increased 5% month over month. They're getting a bit rank now, but she's afraid to throw them out and get new ones, lest the magic disappear.

Have you heard 'bout Miss Sammy Lane?
Folks say she's not right in the brain,
See she makes up these lies,
All about girls and guys,
Though really they're incredibly inane.

LA*78 secretly posts as Nymtoc in the Limericks Live thread.

Have you heard the one 'bout Steve Coate?
The one involving a cow and a goat?
Onlookers were amused,
'Til a child quite confused,
Asked if that tickled his throat!


*I think Nymtoc has a small aneurysm every time I post in his beloved limerick thread

Is L. A. seventy-eight here?
Hide your whiskey, liquor, and beer.
She'll steal all your stuff,
And drink in the buff,
She goes crazy this time of year.

JoBird is not much of a host. I suggest if you plan to visit him you make sure to BYO liquid refreshments. For some reason all he keeps in stock is water. Rather disappointing really.

LA is going to be embarrassed when she learns that the reason JoBird doesn't keep alcohol in the house is because a drunken clown once killed his mother.

Samantha Lane
and I met on a plane.
If you think it'll get juicy,
sorry, I'm a bit fruity.
But so is she,
tee-hee.

Robbert's a poet. Shame no-one else knows it

LA doesn't have an "inside voice." Everything she says, she shouts. When she whispers, car alarms go off.

Samantha Lane loves the smell of toes

Mayusan won't stop inviting me to play Candy Crush Saga.

Oh, wait, no, that's every person I'm friends with on Facebook.

Seriously. I don't want to play Candy Crush Saga.

But Mayusan does.

Samantha Lane has no time for Candy Crush. Not when there are still baby pandas to be freed in Panda Jam! "It's all about priorities," she says.

LA*78 has time for neither Candy Crush nor freeing Pandas. She's too busy dealing with the dinner rush in Diner Dash.