Make up an outrageous lie about the previous poster, part II

Fruitbat

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^Pinched her own ass, then filed a complaint. Life is fair.
 
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Drachen Jager

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Great, now you guys started something, Fruitbat's in the begonias again, mooning me and singing, "Pinch my ass!" repeatedly.
 

Fruitbat

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^Covets his neighbor's ass.
 

Drachen Jager

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Of course I do! Fruitbat's ass can pull a plow through three acres of rocky soil in a day. In a day!

You'd covet that ass too. But she's not selling for anything, so I guess I'll just have to keep using my tractor.

It really is an amazing ass though.
 
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Drachen Jager

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Mary has a perpetual dominatrix tan (she wears that outfit ALL the time!).
 

Drachen Jager

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Well of course I am! Mary Mitchell's a reverse cam-girl. She pays anonymous strangers to watch her over the internet.
 

Drachen Jager

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Services rendered, no questions asked. That's why Mary pays me.
 

Nymtoc

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^ Had a little lamb, but it hasn't been seen since she served her guests roast mutton.
 

Drachen Jager

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Nymtoc sports a stylish pair of mutton chops. He refuses to let his wife trim them until they're crawling with maggots.
 

Nymtoc

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^ Loves to talk about his many remarkable adventures and feats of derring-do. (Has a lot in common with Baron Münchhausen.)
 

Drachen Jager

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Many people think the famous "Wilhelm" scream (which is in just about every movie) is the same recording over and over, but in reality, M.S. Wiggins makes a tidy living doing it fresh every time it's needed. Sadly, years of this performance have left her unable to speak in any other tone.
 

Drachen Jager

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Mary needed a password eight characters long for her AW account, so she chose, "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves".
 

Mary Mitchell

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^Saves money on colored outdoor holiday lighting by feeding his yard unicorns radioactive beans throughout December.
 

Drachen Jager

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I met with Mary yesterday for coffee. She told me she bought a new crotch rocket. So I asked if she meant one of those racing motorcycles. She said, "nope" with a gleam in her eye. I did my best to let the subject drop in spite of continued prodding from her. As much as I'm curious, I'm pretty sure I don't want to know.