Make up an outrageous lie about the previous poster, part II

Drachen Jager

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JJohns is his own ex. He got married to himself because he found himself beautiful beyond measure, but alas, beauty alone wouldn't hold it together. Mostly because the sex was terrible, he described it as glassy and cold, and once he even cut himself when he broke the mirror by humping it a little too hard.
 

Cernex

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Stephanie Fox is actually a genuine fox with glasses.
 

Drachen Jager

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Cernex is actually a fake fox who has a fake smile, wears fake glasses and a codpiece.
 

NathanBrazil

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^Has converted his study into an Evil Lair - at least that's what the sticker on the door says. In his Lair he has fashioned pieces out of many AW avs and is conducting battles in a convoluted version of chess.
 

Nymtoc

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^ Longs to become the host of a TV game show, so he can walk onto the set with an announcer intoning, "And heeeeeere's NATHAN!!!!!!!!!" :TheWave:
 

Drachen Jager

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Nymtoc is the Harvey Weinstein of game shows. If Nathan wants his own show he knows exactly what he has to do.
 

JJohns

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^Is being most uncharitable about Drachen Jager, who did in fact graduate from grade school if, by "graduated", one means "escaped" and by "grade school", one means "Azkaban."
 

Drachen Jager

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JJohns's patronus is a blob fish.

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Drachen Jager

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Stephanie Fox is my coffee table.

Pass me my orange crush, table.

Mmmm that's some good diabetes-juice.
 

The Otter

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Drachen Jager breaks into the houses of random strangers at night to dance in their living rooms, wearing nothing but an owl mask and a skirt made of used popsicle sticks and broken glass. He leaves small, cryptic notes on their couches saying "the revolution is coming."
 

Drachen Jager

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For years The Otter has been waiting for someone to say, "When life gives you lemons...." so she can deliver her stunningly brilliant comeback, "Unless life also gives me some sugar and water that's going to be some pretty shitty lemonade!"

Sadly, she lives in a convent and all the nuns there have taken vows of silence.
 

Nymtoc

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^ Finally decided to go into politics, calling himself "the Canadian Trump."
 

NathanBrazil

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^Unicorn by day, DJ transforms into a man-bat at night. He hangs upside down and, using a specially designed net, catches all manner of birds and insects, which he feeds on into the wee hours of night.
 

Drachen Jager

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Nathan Brazil lies on his back and makes sounds like a panther in the desert.

Nobody knows why.
 

Drachen Jager

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Stephanie Fox is so uptight she thinks that's outrageous.

Shh, don't tell her I also had sex before I was married, she'd probably burst a blood vessel.
 

NathanBrazil

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^Locked the doors and ran off with the keys to the thread.
*Takes out lock pick set - finally manages to open the doors. Clears out cobwebs.*
 

M.S. Wiggins

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^ Knows when to check for lingering spiders. (Right?)