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Thread: Limericks Still Live!

  1. #1251
    Come here and say that flyingtart's Avatar
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    Aug 2008
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    6,796
    My car is a big heap of junk
    Please don't ask what I keep in the trunk
    Just one piston fires
    It needs four new tires
    And the camshaft and spark plugs are sunk


    The grease monkey towed it away

  2. #1252
    Socialist. Humanist. Solipsist. Meaney's Avatar
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    Sydney, Australia
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    617
    My car is a big heap of junk
    Please don't ask what I keep in the trunk
    Just one piston fires
    It needs four new tires
    and a driver not constantly drunk.

    There once was a hitch-hiking fatso
    "Many people would sooner die than think. In fact they do." —Bertrand Russell

  3. #1253
    Socialist. Humanist. Solipsist. Meaney's Avatar
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    617

    Exclamation

    A twofer up for grabs!

    Or else I can retract my submission, as I was a full five minutes tardy.
    "Many people would sooner die than think. In fact they do." —Bertrand Russell

  4. #1254
    Benefactor Member Nymtoc's Avatar
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    The grease monkey towed it away
    I knew I'd have plenty to pay



    There once was a hitch-hiking fatso
    Who hopped in and said, "Call me Ratso"


    "Ignorance is an evil weed, which dictators may cultivate among their dupes, but which no democracy can afford among its citizens." -- William Beveridge

  5. #1255
    The grease monkey towed it away
    Then he gave me a lovely bouquet

    There once was a hitch-hiking fatso
    Who wanted a ride to a cat show

    No retractions! This is my first two-fer. I may need to get out more.
    Laura

    My humor blog: Unlikely Explanations

  6. #1256
    Ummm... should I just take mine back? Or do we now have a four-fer?
    Laura

    My humor blog: Unlikely Explanations

  7. #1257
    Come here and say that flyingtart's Avatar
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    Great! I love a challenge.

    The grease monkey towed it away
    I knew I'd have plenty to pay
    He said with a grin


    There once was a hitch-hiking fatso
    Who hopped in and said, "Call me Ratso"
    Says I, not a chance


    The grease monkey towed it away
    Then he gave me a lovely bouquet
    But the big ugly brute

    There once was a hitch-hiking fatso
    Who wanted a ride to a cat show
    I told him, "hop in"

  8. #1258
    Princess Marina Princess Marina's Avatar
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    Mar 2013
    Location
    Isle of Man
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    289
    Well I've let myself in for more than I expected.

    The grease monkey towed it away
    I knew I'd have plenty to pay
    He said with a grin
    His smile laced with sin


    There once was a hitch-hiking fatso
    Who hopped in and said, "Call me Ratso"
    Says I, not a chance
    You don't enhance

    The grease monkey towed it away
    Then he gave me a lovely bouquet
    But the big ugly brute
    Was really a fruit

    There once was a hitch-hiking fatso
    Who wanted a ride to a cat show
    I told him, "hop in"
    And listen to Janis Joplin

    Sorry best I could do!

  9. #1259
    practical experience, FTW annetpfeffer's Avatar
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    Eeek! I come back after a couple of days and this is what I find?


    The grease monkey towed it away
    I knew I'd have plenty to pay
    He said with a grin
    His smile laced with sin
    "A discount, my dear, for a lay."



    There once was a hitch-hiking fatso
    Who hopped in and said, "Call me Ratso"
    Says I, not a chance
    You don't enhance
    She replied "You've the dick of a gnat - so."




    The grease monkey towed it away
    Then he gave me a lovely bouquet
    But the big ugly brute
    Was really a fruit
    Twas my brother he wanted, okay?

    There once was a hitch-hiking fatso
    Who wanted a ride to a cat show
    I told him, "hop in"
    To Janis Joplin, *
    we sang along, though we were flat -so.

    * meter adjustment
    Anne Pfeffer

    JUST PRU
    WINNER 2015 National Indie Excellence Awards
    for Chick Lit and Contemporary Fiction


    http://www.annepfeffer.com



  10. #1260
    I never know where to begin
    Laura

    My humor blog: Unlikely Explanations

  11. #1261
    Socialist. Humanist. Solipsist. Meaney's Avatar
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    617

    Bravo, everyone!

    I never know where to begin
    At the start, at the end, or within
    "Many people would sooner die than think. In fact they do." —Bertrand Russell

  12. #1262
    Benefactor Member Nymtoc's Avatar
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    I never know where to begin
    At the start, at the end, or within
    So I close my eyes


    "Ignorance is an evil weed, which dictators may cultivate among their dupes, but which no democracy can afford among its citizens." -- William Beveridge

  13. #1263
    Come here and say that flyingtart's Avatar
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    6,796
    I never know where to begin
    At the start, at the end, or within
    So I close my eyes
    Till I realise

  14. #1264
    I never know where to begin
    At the start, at the end, or within
    So I close my eyes
    Till I realise
    That getting it wrong is no sin.

    Perfection had once been my goal.
    Laura

    My humor blog: Unlikely Explanations

  15. #1265
    practical experience, FTW annetpfeffer's Avatar
    Join Date
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    Location
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    Posts
    1,630
    Perfection had once been my goal.
    Now I'm aiming to just come out whole.
    Anne Pfeffer

    JUST PRU
    WINNER 2015 National Indie Excellence Awards
    for Chick Lit and Contemporary Fiction


    http://www.annepfeffer.com



  16. #1266
    Socialist. Humanist. Solipsist. Meaney's Avatar
    Join Date
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    Location
    Sydney, Australia
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    617
    Perfection had once been my goal.
    Now I'm aiming to just come out whole.
    Complete without flaws.
    "Many people would sooner die than think. In fact they do." —Bertrand Russell

  17. #1267
    practical experience, FTW LA*78's Avatar
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    2,142
    Perfection had once been my goal.
    Now I'm aiming to just come out whole.
    Complete without flaws,
    My goal no more's
    Cheers,
    Linda

    One Weekend Away (Wattpad draft version; Contemp. Romance)
    Finding Home (Wattpad WIP; YA Coming of age)

  18. #1268
    Socialist. Humanist. Solipsist. Meaney's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
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    Sydney, Australia
    Posts
    617
    Perfection had once been my goal.
    Now I'm aiming to just come out whole.
    Complete without flaws,
    My goal no more's
    perfection but quality control.

    "Ye gods!" I cried. "I am omniscient!"
    "Many people would sooner die than think. In fact they do." —Bertrand Russell

  19. #1269
    Benefactor Member Nymtoc's Avatar
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    "Ye gods!" I cried. "I am omniscient!
    No wonder I'm super-proficient"


    "Ignorance is an evil weed, which dictators may cultivate among their dupes, but which no democracy can afford among its citizens." -- William Beveridge

  20. #1270
    Come here and say that flyingtart's Avatar
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    "Ye gods!" I cried. "I am omniscient!
    No wonder I'm super-proficient"
    My only known flaw

  21. #1271
    practical experience, FTW LA*78's Avatar
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    "Ye gods!" I cried. "I am omniscient!
    No wonder I'm super-proficient"
    My only known flaw
    Could be I'm a bore
    Cheers,
    Linda

    One Weekend Away (Wattpad draft version; Contemp. Romance)
    Finding Home (Wattpad WIP; YA Coming of age)

  22. #1272
    practical experience, FTW annetpfeffer's Avatar
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    "Ye gods!" I cried. "I am omniscient!
    No wonder I'm super-proficient"
    My only known flaw
    Could be I'm a bore
    Cuz I'm conversation-deficient.

    This R rhyming problem's a bitch
    Anne Pfeffer

    JUST PRU
    WINNER 2015 National Indie Excellence Awards
    for Chick Lit and Contemporary Fiction


    http://www.annepfeffer.com



  23. #1273
    This R rhyming problem's a bitch
    Just the thought makes my eyes start to twitch
    Laura

    My humor blog: Unlikely Explanations

  24. #1274
    practical experience, FTW Carla's Avatar
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    This R rhyming problem's a bitch
    Just the thought makes my eyes start to twitch
    But teachers agree

  25. #1275
    practical experience, FTW annetpfeffer's Avatar
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    1,630
    This R rhyming problem's a bitch
    Just the thought makes my eyes start to twitch
    But teachers agree
    that letters you see
    Anne Pfeffer

    JUST PRU
    WINNER 2015 National Indie Excellence Awards
    for Chick Lit and Contemporary Fiction


    http://www.annepfeffer.com



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