I know that if I really apply myself, I can be a prolific writer. At the moment I work in fits and starts, and whenever I try to make myself go above and beyond I find myself pulling back. I've thought about it a bit and I'm now 100% sure that it's because of this unpleasant feeling of anticipation I have... like if I get serious, I'll lose something. Time. Opportunities to enjoy myself in other ways. Something like that.
I want to be up to date with current gen console games. I want to watch lots of awesome TV series through to their finales. I want to to sit through all sorts of cool and/or hilarious videos on youtube, and I want to have fun getting to endgame with newly made friends on MMOs. I want to just be around my friends and enjoy it, even if we're not doing anything productive. To make memories.
As time passes, these opportunities go away... or get staler. Games become old, friends change, new trends appear. I want to enjoy them all before they vanish or lose their glamour. It's true that there will always be more stuff in the future, but... it'll be different. And if I'm enjoying things as they come, I can have the old and the new. Then I can remember the old as fond memories. If I'm writing, these things go by, and when I go back to try to watch/play/do things I skipped in the past the experience is sullied (like NES games or movies from the early 2000s -- they're nowhere near as awesome as they would have been!!!).
I missed the Harry Potter period, too. I read the books after it was all over and I never got swept up in the whole phenomenon like everyone else did. The magic of waiting alongside the rest of the world was gone, trying to figure it out alongside everyone else... it was over. They were just books. I hate that feeling.
At the same time, I know I won't achieve anything worthwhile if I carry on as I am. I don't want to be unremarkable. I can be like the people I admire.
So how do I stop feeling like every day I spend at the keyboard is such a big loss? Like life -- and the constant stream of timely memories -- is passing me and my computer screen (lol) by, and when I finally take a break I'll just be looking at other people's pictures or watching entertainment that isn't as great as it would have been at the time?
Errr, and just to lighten up the post... this is how I feel whenever I finish a novel: