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Thread: Alpha Nails: nail polish for REAL men

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    You can't sit with us! missesdash's Avatar
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    Jul 2011
    Paris, France

    Alpha Nails: nail polish for REAL men

    I was positive this site was some sort of joke, but apparently it's real. I should start by saying I don't have a problem with men in nail polish. I actually think it's hot with certain looks.

    But the idea that someone would make "nail polish for men" as if, ya know, regular ail polish is "too girly" is super laughable. And then to throw out this marketing campaign with pictures of boxers, sports fans and dudes with guns (war pain on your nails), christ.

    Actually reminds me of this quote:

    What would happen, for instance, if suddenly, magically, men could menstruate and women could not? The answer is clear - menstruation would become an enviable, boast-worthy, masculine event:

    Men would brag about how long and how much.

    Boys would mark the onset of menses, that longed-for proof of manhood, with religious ritual and stag parties.

    The US Congress would fund a National Institute of Dysmenorrhea to help stamp out monthly discomforts.

    Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free. (Of course, some men would still pay for the prestige of commercial brands such as John Wayne Tampons, Muhammed Ali's Rope-a-dope Pads, Joe Namath Jock Shields - "For Those Light Bachelor Days," and Robert "Baretta" Blake Maxi-Pads.)

    Military men, right-wing politicians, and religious fundamentalists would cite menstruation ("MENstruation") as proof that only men could serve in the army ("You have to give blood to take blood"), occupy political office ("Can women be aggresive without that steadfast cycle governed by the planet Mars?"), be priests and ministers ("how could a woman give her blood for our sins"), or rabbis ("Without the monthly loss of impurities, women remain unclean").

    Male radicals, left-wing politicians, and mystics, however, would insist that women are equal, just different; and that any woman could enter their ranks if only she were willing to self-inflict a major wound every month ("You must give blood for the revolution"), recognize the preeminence of menstrual issues, or subordinate her selfness to all men in their Cycle of Enlightenment.

    Street guys would brag ("I'm a three-pad man") or answer praise from a buddy (" Man, you are lookin' good") by giving fives and saying, "Yeah, man, I'm on the rag!"

    What would happen if men painted their nails? From the site:

    Designed specifically for men, Alpha Nail is technologically and biologically superior to anything on the market. Formulated with both Citral and Ginseng to strengthen and invigorate the nails down to the beds, our formula keeps nails harder and healthier. Ask Roger Huerta. He has put AlphaNail to the test for hundreds of battles in the toughest weeks of training camp.

    For those of you with a flair for style, our colors are so sick Dr. House can’t fix them. The revolutionary matte collection provides an uber-masculine and fashion forward satin finish, and our metallics shine like candy paint in the summer time. What’s more, our unique click pen applicator does away with those dainty little brushes and girly nail polish containers. Just click, paint, put the cap on, and its ready to go for another round.

    Finally our clean slate remover wipes eliminate the need to ever buy a fluffy sack of cotton balls. One wipe will take care of an entire hand, and when you are done, just toss it.

    And of course a link:

    I'm still on the fence about mantyhose.
    Last edited by missesdash; 01-18-2013 at 05:14 AM.

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