Throwing in the towel after 9 years

heza · Jan 17, 2013

Just because your agent couldn't sell your book, that doesn't necessarily mean your book is completely dead. You can try querying other agents if there are still publishers they can shop to. You can sub to the smaller presses agents don't typically deal with. You can also self publish your book.

But I do agree with everyone who has suggested you maintain a distance from writing if it really messes up your life to the extent you described. Wait until you can live off your investments, and then retire and write. At least that way, you won't get evicted.

ishtar'sgate · Jan 17, 2013

If you're really as obsessive as you say you are then I'd give writing a rest and carve out some time to write when you're able - and want to - like instead of a holiday. Book yourself in to a cabin in the woods (or some equivalent isolation) and write day and night if you like. There's little point in trying to fight who you are. You may never truly want to write again or the desire to write may build until you can't stand it any more. If that happens just get away and do it.

Phaeal · Jan 17, 2013

Sounds to me like you're an all-or-nothing person. Hey, if you can make 500K a year for a few years and arrange for the proceeds to support you for another few years, why not make money now and write later?

Do moderate the booze, though. A blown liver and alcohol dementia are not good writing companions.

teeta6404 · Jan 17, 2013

I am pretty new to writing and actually submitting anything for publication, so I have no idea how I will feel after 9 years. Mostly I write to relax & because I truly enjoy it, hope you can find what makes you happy though.
I truly believe people need to do only what makes them happy. I think if writing for me caused so much stress I wouldn't want to continue either.

Shadow_Ferret · Jan 17, 2013

There is no shame in quitting writing. Hell, if I could make $500k a year at something else, I wouldn't bother with all the stress and difficulty involved in trying to get published. So you quit. Who's going to know? Well, except for the 20k+ people here you just told... But besides us?

kaitie · Jan 17, 2013

FOTSGreg said:
Um, your agent can't fire you. They WORK FOR you, not the other way. Oh, sure, they can QUIT or you can fire them, but they can't fire you.

The only one who can quit is you. It's your choice.

But your agent? They're an As$hat who's got a big head syndrome. They've forgotten what their job is, what they're supposed to be doing, and who they really work for. FRAK this one - with a giant telephone-pole-sized dildo. You CAN do better.

So long as it's not YOU who quits.

Honestly, for all you know this agent had a one-book contract, or a one-year contract, or something of that nature. Perhaps the agent felt that they just weren't working right together and decided to end the relationship.

I think making an assumption that the agent is an asshole for ending the relationship is a little on the extreme side. You don't know the details or what was said or what the contracts said. I can think of several instances in which a relationship could be ended in a perfectly professional, acceptable, and even cordial manner.

Not saying that doesn't suck for the writer, but to make this kind of statement seems uncalled for.

dkamin · Jan 17, 2013

Like people are saying, if you are miserable writing, then there is no shame in giving it up. Writing should be something you love (maybe even need to do because it is a passion you cannot live without). Should it control your life though? Of course not (unless you are making your full income from it, then go right ahead). Also, I do want to over step any bounds or offend you, but have you looked into some sort of therapy? There may be some other lingering issues that have manifested when you write. Just a suggestion, and like I said, no intention to offend.

u.v.ray · Jan 17, 2013

That is pretty much my own experience.

In order to write I have found there is a certain sacrifice to be made. I think it was Charles Bukowski who said it will cost you everything. And I have found that to be true.

The women I have been involved with have had difficulty understanding that they, and indeed everything else in life, comes secondary to my work.

You have to be tough to be a writer. Or stupid, one of the two. I dunno. It's no good saying we're retiring from writing because we can't do that. We can say it but a writer never will.

Putputt · Jan 18, 2013

u.v.ray said:
That is pretty much my own experience.

In order to write I have found there is a certain sacrifice to be made. I think it was Charles Bukowski who said it will cost you everything. And I have found that to be true.

The women I have been involved with have had difficulty understanding that they, and indeed everything else in life, comes secondary to my work.

You have to be tough to be a writer. Or stupid, one of the two. I dunno. It's no good saying we're retiring from writing because we can't do that. We can say it but a writer never will.

Hrmm. I'm not a fan of this mindset that in order to be a writer, you have to give up everything. I have a friend who said she loves reading so much that she stopped reading years ago because once she picks up a book, she doesn't stop reading until she's done. So the only way out of that is an absolute either/or? I call bull.

There's a happy medium to be found here. The OP can choose to seek counselling, which I think would be best. I've written from the lowest of lows, shunning everyone and everything so I could write. Conversely, I've written while happy, healthy, and surrounded by supporting friends and family. I thought my happiness would water down my writing, but my stories are as dark as ever. The characters are less whiny too, although they're still twisted.

You don't have to give up everything to be a writer. Plenty of successful writers maintain healthy relationships. Unless what you want is to be a tragic author, you don't have to be one.

bearilou · Jan 18, 2013

u.v.ray said:
That is pretty much my own experience.

In order to write I have found there is a certain sacrifice to be made. I think it was Charles Bukowski who said it will cost you everything. And I have found that to be true.

That may work for you but I haven't found that it works for everyone. I know of a few successful writers who have very fulfilling personal lives that haven't fallen into a shambles because their 'writing came first and everything (and everyone) came second including family'. Many of whom are on this board.

There can be a balance if you look for it. Not to be confused with easy to do.

u.v.ray said:
You have to be tough to be a writer. Or stupid, one of the two. I dunno. It's no good saying we're retiring from writing because we can't do that. We can say it but a writer never will.

No argument on this. You do have to be tough. You do have to be able to say to loved ones and friends 'not right now, I'm working' because writers are self-employed and they do work from home. But that would hold true for any self-employed, home-based job.

I can't comment on a retired writer but I can say I've only heard of one writer who's come out and said "I'm retiring from writing" (which remains to be seen). The rest have died, writing.

Putputt said:
Unless what you want is to be a tragic author, you don't have to be one.

Hippo Wisdom[SUP](tm)[/SUP]

frankiebrown · Jan 18, 2013

Putputt said:
Hrmm. I'm not a fan of this mindset that in order to be a writer, you have to give up everything. I have a friend who said she loves reading so much that she stopped reading years ago because once she picks up a book, she doesn't stop reading until she's done. So the only way out of that is an absolute either/or? I call bull.

There's a happy medium to be found here. The OP can choose to seek counselling, which I think would be best. I've written from the lowest of lows, shunning everyone and everything so I could write. Conversely, I've written while happy, healthy, and surrounded by supporting friends and family. I thought my happiness would water down my writing, but my stories are as dark as ever. The characters are less whiny too, although they're still twisted.

You don't have to give up everything to be a writer. Plenty of successful writers maintain healthy relationships. Unless what you want is to be a tragic author, you don't have to be one.

Agree with puttputt.

In Stephen King's On Writing, he talks about how when he placed his writing in the center of his life, it made him alienate his family and become an alcoholic druggy (the metaphor he uses for this is that he "put his writing desk in the center of his office". or maybe it wasn't a metaphor. Who knows).

When his wife held an intervention (by dumping a trashcan filled with beer cans and bloody tissues on his desk), he got the reality check he needed. He pushed his desk into a corner of his office, cleaned up, and is still writing bestsellers.

angeliz2k · Jan 18, 2013

You do have to give up something in order to write (time, brain space, etc), but you don't have to give up everything. Even if you quit writing cold turkey because you find yourself becoming obsessive, you might find that something else takes its place. Obviously, I don't know you, but if you have an obsessive personality you may need to get help if you can't control it yourself.

I know my own social life suffers because of my writing. I spend a lot of time with old friends and family, but don't have any friends in my new hometown after a year and a half. I'm unattached (always have been--what do I need a guy for?). I know if I gave up writing, I'd fill my time with more social stuff, but . . . I'm content for now with the balance I've reached. I don't tend to be obsessive. I tend to be what my mom would call "wifty", which is Jersey for "not all there".

u.v.ray · Jan 18, 2013

I don't hold it as an absolute truth, or applicable to everyone.
But it was necessary for my own work.

That is why I said: my own experience.

lefty23 · Jan 18, 2013

u.v.ray said:
That is pretty much my own experience.
The women I have been involved with have had difficulty understanding that they, and indeed everything else in life, comes secondary to my work.
You have to be tough to be a writer. Or stupid, one of the two. I dunno. It's no good saying we're retiring from writing because we can't do that. We can say it but a writer never will.

I get where you are coming from, but i think that will vary from person to person. As much as i love writing, my family will always come first and I don't think that putting them first makes me any less of an effective writer, just makes it a bit more difficult to accomplish some of my goals.

benluby · Jan 18, 2013

frankiebrown said:
Agree with puttputt.

In Stephen King's On Writing, he talks about how when he placed his writing in the center of his life, it made him alienate his family and become an alcoholic druggy (the metaphor he uses for this is that he "put his writing desk in the center of his office". or maybe it wasn't a metaphor. Who knows).

When his wife held an intervention (by dumping a trashcan filled with beer cans and bloody tissues on his desk), he got the reality check he needed. He pushed his desk into a corner of his office, cleaned up, and is still writing bestsellers.

Actually, he'd been an alcoholic long before that, but that was when he finally, after significant years as a booze hound, he was forced to admit it himself.
He never blamed his becoming an addict on his writing. He did have the desk in the middle of the room, when he sold his first mega deal.
He also moved it to a small corner after that because, and I think he said it nearly perfectly, he writes for a living, he doesn't live to write, and it's not his focus.

Bufty · Jan 18, 2013

Whether to keep writing or to give up are personal choices - and the latter decision carries no stigma - and should be based on individual aspirations and circumstances, but there may come a time when one maybe should consider that readers and the literary world will survive even though one's own stuff isn't part of it.

buz · Jan 18, 2013

Putputt said:
I have a friend who said she loves reading so much that she stopped reading years ago because once she picks up a book, she doesn't stop reading until she's done. So the only way out of that is an absolute either/or? I call bull.

Tangential but: if I know I'm about to read a damn good book, I wait until the night before my day off work. Because a damn good book will absolutely destroy me.

Or I do it in airports. Airports are great for reading because I'm usually all fucked up anyway from being on an airplane and busting through time zones and it's totally fine that I'm half-delirious and I want to slam the book against my face and go "NOOO PEEETA AARGHLRHAHARGH."

...or whatever.

Putputt · Jan 18, 2013

buzhidao said:
Tangential but: if I know I'm about to read a damn good book, I wait until the night before my day off work. Because a damn good book will absolutely destroy me.

Or I do it in airports. Airports are great for reading because I'm usually all fucked up anyway from being on an airplane and busting through time zones and it's totally fine that I'm half-delirious and I want to slam the book against my face and go "NOOO PEEETA AARGHLRHAHARGH."

...or whatever.

Airports?! You are missing out, lady. Airports are meant for you to swan through, drinking all the sample alcohol you can get your paws on before getting on the plane.

kaitie · Jan 18, 2013

There has to be some sort of balance, and honestly if I couldn't find it, I'd probably stop writing altogether. No job is worth losing friends or family or missing out on the other experiences in life that make it valuable. If I had the choice between going on an epic road trip and writing for a weekend, I know which I'd choose.

I'm not saying a person has to always put writing as a low priority, but it certainly shouldn't be the first priority, at least not unless it's a temporary thing because of a deadline or something of that nature.

It's a lot easier to find time later to write than it is to try to repair a broken relationship, and if it means I write fewer books, so be it.

KTC · Jan 18, 2013

He is gone for now. He will come back this way in the next year or two or three. When he starts to smell bad and chat our hairy little ears off, he will be writing beautiful things again. When he is alone in a corner with himself, embarking into a land of was-not-was...he will be back. He will regale us with stories of how his used-to-be life is gone...but how he seems to have writing back. Then he will finish a draft and we will say, SEND IT SEND IT! and he will. And we will quietly move further away from him, because he will get more and more stinky as he writes his beautiful prose. He will miss his girlfriend, who will be gone...but he will tell us of his agent. They will have coffee together on a cold November day and his agent will say, I HAVE AN OFFER FOR YOU. And he will say, LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL. And he will stop writing long enough to celebrate this new life with his agent and his empty apartment.

And he will buy us ALL lattes to celebrate. And he will think again about writing and girlfriends.

ishtar'sgate · Jan 18, 2013

u.v.ray said:
The women I have been involved with have had difficulty understanding that they, and indeed everything else in life, comes secondary to my work.

Yeah, that's the tough balancing part. When I'm deep into a story my family realizes I'll jump up from the dinner table to write down something that just came to mind, I'll space out at parties and lose track of the conversation because I'm off in my own little world, I'll forget to make supper, do laundry etc. etc. They just roll their eyes and give me my space.

Bufty · Jan 19, 2013

KTC said:
He is gone for now. He will come back this way in the next year or two or three. When he starts to smell bad and chat our hairy little ears off, he will be writing beautiful things again. When he is alone in a corner with himself, embarking into a land of was-not-was...he will be back. He will regale us with stories of how his used-to-be life is gone...but how he seems to have writing back. Then he will finish a draft and we will say, SEND IT SEND IT! and he will. And we will quietly move further away from him, because he will get more and more stinky as he writes his beautiful prose. He will miss his girlfriend, who will be gone...but he will tell us of his agent. They will have coffee together on a cold November day and his agent will say, I HAVE AN OFFER FOR YOU. And he will say, LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL. And he will stop writing long enough to celebrate this new life with his agent and his empty apartment.

And he will buy us ALL lattes to celebrate. And he will think again about writing and girlfriends.

BethS · Jan 19, 2013

u.v.ray said:
The women I have been involved with have had difficulty understanding that they, and indeed everything else in life, comes secondary to my work.

As long as you understand that one day you'll be a lonely old man who doesn't rate being anything to anyone.

I don't say that to be snarky. But life is a juggling routine. There's very little art or satisfaction in juggling just one ball. One's audience will eventually wander away, bored. One will be left alone and oh-so-dedicated to keeping that single ball in the air, but bereft of anything that actually matters.

ETA:

I was way out of line for saying that. My sincere apologies.

fadeaccompli · Jan 19, 2013

BethS said:
As long as you understand that one day you'll be a lonely old man who doesn't rate being anything to anyone.

I don't say that to be snarky. But life is a juggling routine. There's very little art or satisfaction in juggling just one ball. One's audience will eventually wander away, bored. One will be left alone and oh-so-dedicated to keeping that single ball in the air, but bereft of anything that actually matters.

Hey, there's nothing wrong with being single. Some people are honestly happier that way, and more power to them. I would like to fight back against the meme that people not in romantic relationships are Lonely and Pining, because a lot of people in that situation aren't.

That said? Not everyone is happy being single. It's best to figure out if one is before prioritizing other things strongly over relationships. As with all things in life--living environment, social circles, career--there's a balancing act involved, and we draw the line in different places. I would not be able to write as much or as well as I do without the support of my spouse, and a much more experienced writer than I am put "Maintain your relationship with your significant other" on the top of the list of steps for writers to make sure they can keep on writing long-term.

Terie · Jan 19, 2013

So let's see. What do we have here? Someone who got an agent and whose first book didn't sell. This is actually pretty common.

But in this case, the writer stopped writing.

So WTF was the agent supposed to do? Book 1 didn't sell and there's no book 2. Naturally the agent parted ways. What other choice did he have? Was he supposed to represent and try to sell a non-existent book?

Agents represent careers, not books. When a writer stops writing, there's nothing for an agent to represent if the books already written haven't sold.

As to why the OP quit writing, well, that happens. Sounds like the best decision for him for now, and he might change his mind later, which is cool, too.

But I still can't blame the agent for parting ways.

Throwing in the towel after 9 years

living in the past

Whatever I did, I didn't do it.

Court Jester

With great power comes

greatest writer of his generation

permanently suctioned to Buz's leg

DenturePunk writer

Simplify.

never mind the shorty

greatest writer of his generation

practical experience, FTW

Where have the last ten years gone?

edits all posts at least four times

permanently suctioned to Buz's leg

With great power comes

Stand in the Place Where You Live

living in the past

Where have the last ten years gone?

here and there again

Writer is as Writer does