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Thread: The Un-Valentine's Day Challenge

  1. #1
    'Twas but a dream of thee El Jefe MacAllister's Avatar
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    The Un-Valentine's Day Challenge

    YOUR mission, should you choose to accept it:

    Write a poem or short story (less than 5K words) and email it to submissions (AT) absolutewrite.com before midnight, the night before Valentine's Day.

    Your story should contain strong elements of humor, and should attempt to subvert, twist, parody, or otherwise mess with the regular romance/Valentine's Day tropes, motifs, and themes.
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  2. #2
    Esteemed thinker Calliopenjo's Avatar
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    Smile

    I choose to accept the mission.

    Wounded I sing, tormented I indite. — Victor Herbert (1859-1924)

  3. #3
    Now available (see sig for link)! Cliff Face's Avatar
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    I'm considering it. Need to look at some of the Valentine's tropes and see if any ideas are jogged free.

    But humour is much more up my alley than the Christmas horror from last time.

    So I'll probably put something together, if I can find the time, if I have any strong ideas.

    *gets excited*
    Buy my comedic urban fantasy novel on Kindle today!
    I now have a blog.
    (Updated 21 May 2015)
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  4. #4
    Benefactor Member Manuel Royal's Avatar
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    This calls for booze, and possibly some crying. That's where the funny comes from.
    Fiction blog as Manuel Royal: Donnetown Today or Recently (or a Long Time Ago)

    Fiction column under my real name: Welcome to Smyrnings ; continued as Spland of the Splost

    Six-minute YouTube video produced by SandJack from my short script (NSFW): Make The Baby

  5. #5
    practical experience, FTW TypoToffee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Manuel Royal View Post
    This calls for booze, and possibly some crying. That's where the funny comes from.
    Keep the tears, pass the whiskey...
    P J Perryman - Jill Jackson - Iris Woodbury -TypoToffee

    Writer of naughtiness and many things wicked

  6. #6
    knows a hawk from a handsaw Shakesbear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TypoToffee View Post
    Keep the tears, pass the whiskey...
    Too right! Salt water does not go with whiskey.

    I might have a go at this . . . sounds sort of intriguing . . .




    And my large kingdom for a little grave,
    A little little grave, an obscure grave . . .




  7. #7
    Now available (see sig for link)! Cliff Face's Avatar
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    An idea is forming in my head...

    Had only a vague idea last night, but as soon as I woke up this morning, I realised what direction I could take that vague idea in. So it's now less vague.
    Buy my comedic urban fantasy novel on Kindle today!
    I now have a blog.
    (Updated 21 May 2015)
    I also have a website where I can be hired as an editor! How exciting!

    Main WIPs

    The Black Book That Went 'Thud' (waiting to be edited)
    From De-cluttering To Minimalism: A Journey (is it finished yet?)
    The Little House of Flames (writing)

  8. #8
    Huh. kkbe's Avatar
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    Wracking my brain but it's not looking good. Unless. . .

    No, Cliff Face already thought of that idea.


  9. #9
    Now available (see sig for link)! Cliff Face's Avatar
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    Yes, my purple romance penguins are spoken for, thank you very much.

    Well, okay, that's not my actual idea. But wouldn't it open up a lot of comedic avenues?
    Buy my comedic urban fantasy novel on Kindle today!
    I now have a blog.
    (Updated 21 May 2015)
    I also have a website where I can be hired as an editor! How exciting!

    Main WIPs

    The Black Book That Went 'Thud' (waiting to be edited)
    From De-cluttering To Minimalism: A Journey (is it finished yet?)
    The Little House of Flames (writing)

  10. #10
    i.e. Assaf Koss
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    I'm so glad you wrote
    poem or short story
    :=D

    My ode to love!
    Assaf Koss,
    Professional Author & Blogger.
    See my blog & books at http://assafkoss.blogspot.com/

  11. #11
    8-armed cyborg tree WendyN's Avatar
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    Ooooh, I actually have an idea for this that I might have to try
    MS1 - Time Travel Adventure
    MS2 - Creepy Island Fantasy
    MS3 - 1890s Historic Fantasy
    MS4 - Shiny Futuristic Space Adventure
    MS5 - Southern Gothic Fantasy (WIP)
    ... and short stories!

  12. #12
    practical experience, FTW Rockweaver's Avatar
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    all contest can be won if you know the judge and the kind of booze they need to feel better ..

    i may just give this a shot.

    Oh one question is there a limit on the number of submissions?

    thanks
    Last edited by Rockweaver; 01-15-2013 at 12:36 AM. Reason: i will think of something...
    NaNo 2014
    The Jewel of Andera
    EDIT... i hate this part.

    Happiness is like a bird. The damn thing keeps flying away. Next time I find it I will shoot it and have it stuffed.

  13. #13
    Esteemed thinker Calliopenjo's Avatar
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    Smile

    I know I said I was going to compete, but I'm going to have to bow out. To use an already overused line, I can't find my inspiration.

    I wish everybody luck on this one.

    Maybe the next time around though.

    Yes, I'll be waiting for them to be posted so I can read them all. I need to get my daily reading in after all.

    Wounded I sing, tormented I indite. — Victor Herbert (1859-1924)

  14. #14
    practical experience, FTW Rockweaver's Avatar
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    Calliopenjo i have a couple of spare ideas if you would like i can pm one to you

    s
    NaNo 2014
    The Jewel of Andera
    EDIT... i hate this part.

    Happiness is like a bird. The damn thing keeps flying away. Next time I find it I will shoot it and have it stuffed.

  15. #15
    Esteemed thinker Calliopenjo's Avatar
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    Smile

    I appreciate the idea Rockweaver, but I don't do well with writing humor.

    Thank you anyway
    .

    Wounded I sing, tormented I indite. — Victor Herbert (1859-1924)

  16. #16
    practical experience, FTW Rockweaver's Avatar
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    posting from the net..
    www.wate.com/story/582444/the-legend-of-cupid

    this is for any who do not know the back story...
    Cupid is the most famous of Valentine symbols -- a mischievous, winged child armed with bow and arrows. Cupid aims his arrows at people, causing them to fall deeply in love.

    In Roman mythology, Cupid's mother Venus was jealous of the beauty of Psyche, and ordered Cupid to punish the mortal. Instead, Cupid fell deeply in love with her. He took her as his wife, but as a mortal she was forbidden to look at him.

    Psyche was happy until her sisters persuaded her to look at Cupid. As soon as Psyche looked at Cupid, Cupid punished her by leaving. Their lovely castle and gardens vanished too. Psyche found herself alone in an open field with no signs of other beings or Cupid.

    As she wandered trying to find her love, she came upon the temple of Venus. Wishing to destroy her, the goddess of love gave Psyche a series of tasks. Psyche was given a small box and told to take it to the underworld to capture some of the beauty of Proserpine, the wife of Pluto.
    During her trip she was given tips on avoiding the dangers of the realm of the dead and was warned not to open the box. But Temptation overcame Psyche and she opened the box. Instead of finding beauty, she found deadly slumber. Cupid found her lifeless on the ground. He gathered the deadly sleep from her body and put it back in the box. The gods, moved by Psyche's love for Cupid made her a goddess.

    Today, Cupid and his arrows have become the most popular of love signs, and love is frequently depicted by two hearts pierced by an arrow -- Cupid's arrow.
    NaNo 2014
    The Jewel of Andera
    EDIT... i hate this part.

    Happiness is like a bird. The damn thing keeps flying away. Next time I find it I will shoot it and have it stuffed.

  17. #17
    learning to appreciate the world dobiwon's Avatar
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    I haven't been doing much writing lately, so this prompt came at a good time for me. I want to get back to writing more humor.
    Last edited by dobiwon; 02-18-2013 at 06:02 AM.
    --Don
    ===================================

    Walk With Purpose- Poems (mostly) and essays by Don Magin

  18. #18
    Potterhead Gleek lisalulu09's Avatar
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    Questions:

    Midnight your time?

    Does it have to be a complete short story?
    Stupid Cupid - YA Paranormal Romance - On hold ()
    Untitled - MG Fantasy - Resting
    Untitled - MG Fantasy - Resting
    Sherlock Holmes' Apprentice - MG Historical Mystery - On hold
    Untitled - YA Paranormal Romance - Writing the first draft

    Reading:
    "Girlfriend in a Coma" - Douglas Coupland

    Twitter
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  19. #19
    Potterhead Gleek lisalulu09's Avatar
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    Also, PRIZE?
    Stupid Cupid - YA Paranormal Romance - On hold ()
    Untitled - MG Fantasy - Resting
    Untitled - MG Fantasy - Resting
    Sherlock Holmes' Apprentice - MG Historical Mystery - On hold
    Untitled - YA Paranormal Romance - Writing the first draft

    Reading:
    "Girlfriend in a Coma" - Douglas Coupland

    Twitter
    Tumblr

  20. #20
    Now available (see sig for link)! Cliff Face's Avatar
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    Well, I wrote the first draft of mine yesterday. Just needs to be polished.
    Buy my comedic urban fantasy novel on Kindle today!
    I now have a blog.
    (Updated 21 May 2015)
    I also have a website where I can be hired as an editor! How exciting!

    Main WIPs

    The Black Book That Went 'Thud' (waiting to be edited)
    From De-cluttering To Minimalism: A Journey (is it finished yet?)
    The Little House of Flames (writing)

  21. #21
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin
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    I'd try, but so far every time I try to think up something, it always ends up shamelessly ripping this off or ending up like it:

    http://www.theonion.com/video/annual...le-held,19117/

    Edit: NVM, I thought of something.
    Last edited by Mr. Aziz; 01-26-2013 at 09:37 PM.

  22. #22
    Benefactor Member Manuel Royal's Avatar
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    So of the The Onion's satire highlights a truth.

    Got an idea last night.
    Fiction blog as Manuel Royal: Donnetown Today or Recently (or a Long Time Ago)

    Fiction column under my real name: Welcome to Smyrnings ; continued as Spland of the Splost

    Six-minute YouTube video produced by SandJack from my short script (NSFW): Make The Baby

  23. #23
    Huh. kkbe's Avatar
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    I am seriously doubting if I can do this one. I tried, and ended up writing a short story about an abused woman who decides to blow her husband's brains out. Trying to put a humorous spin on that has proven somewhat . . . difficult.
    From CHERRY:
    He left the room and returned carrying a small Styrofoam cup. He tilted the thing so I could see inside.
    “Is that dirt?” I said.
    Mr. Alyward didn’t answer. Instead, he set the cup down on the table in front of me; carefully, as if it were something fragile.

    /my little blog/

    http://www.triadaus.com/

  24. #24
    Benefactor Member Manuel Royal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kkbe View Post
    I am seriously doubting if I can do this one. I tried, and ended up writing a short story about an abused woman who decides to blow her husband's brains out. Trying to put a humorous spin on that has proven somewhat . . . difficult.
    Think of it as a country-western song.
    Fiction blog as Manuel Royal: Donnetown Today or Recently (or a Long Time Ago)

    Fiction column under my real name: Welcome to Smyrnings ; continued as Spland of the Splost

    Six-minute YouTube video produced by SandJack from my short script (NSFW): Make The Baby

  25. #25
    In search of my marbles ElaineA's Avatar
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    Brain...spinning...

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