The thread in which Haggis now talks to himself

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Haggis

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It's awesome! You're gonna have dozens of drugged out college hotties all over you. And they'll ask me about you, 'cuz you're a dog and they don't know you can speak, and I'll be like, "Yeah, he's my buddy. Wanna hang out in our van?"
You don't suppose any of them college hotties are Pomeranians, do you?
Far be it from us to question your life choices, chihuey...
...says the new cat owner.
With those shoes, it's perfect.
Strange, ain't it? Almost as if a woman designed the outfit for me. :e2teeth:
 

regdog

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Strange, ain't it? Almost as if a woman designed the outfit for me. :e2teeth:

What's strange is I actually had nothing to do with your ensemble.
 

PorterStarrByrd

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I said I would be back with a vengeance but I was wrong since all of the vengeances had something else to do or something that cray probably might have sort of suggested that they do so I had to come alone which is really scarey since I am a poor old orphan now so the first thing I probably have to do is find some loving person or something that will take me in and protect me from the world and society and stuff but does not have grits or cilantro anywhere hidden in their house which will become our house as soon as they take me in and I might go to Mayne and become a maniac though I will drift in and out of that for a while since there are still things I have to do like sell Canada and stuff but it won’t be long until I worm my way back into amurica and spend almost all of my time there and do some more things like drive across the country and deliver furniture to my daughters or somebody if I can find where they moved to and forgot to tell me their new addresses and maybe even stop somewhere across the country and visit each house I stay at for a month to see if it might be a good place or not for an orphan and is somebody who is new at that but willing to learn and stuff as long as there is no grits or cilantro to learn about all over again like I have had to learn all over again some things like getting married and stuff then getting kicked out or something and having to find other circumstances for a while like I might do with my new metal detector maybe on civil war battle fields or somewhere until I get caught and kicked out of there too but at least I have had practice at getting that not like being a new orphan at my age or anybody elseseses age so I thoughtmaybe I should start coming back here again even if I cant find a willing vengeance who has some free time and stuff like I had once and used to read some books like Don Quickoats or somebody who bent his spear on a windmill and probably might have did some other things that did not turn out so well except to have somebody or someone write his story a long time ago and make him famous after he became a knight erring and then died of old age or something which I cant do the becoming a night part because sometimes I am afraid of the Knight when I have bad dreams and the voices upstairs give me instructions and stuff that I have to follow to the letter even if they never wrote me one and even if I dont sort of agree with the instructions or they will burn popcorn up there and make me smell it for a long time before the odor goes mostly away or somewhere and then things wont all so much smell like burned popcorn except the burned popcorn anymore and I can concentrate on other things that don’t smell as bad like my feet except between my toes while I get used to my new surroundings even if being surrounded can lead to bad things because
 

regdog

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Hey Porter, good to see you
 

regdog

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See Haggis, it's good you have your party hat on. Porter returned.
 

PorterStarrByrd

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My Dad died in his home, just short of reaching 92 years of age; the way he wanted to go. There was just me there, so I was unable to surround him. My only regret is that he went in such pain. If only they’d left a little more morphine, things might have gone better. As it was, after my share and Ted’s share, there just wasn’t much left.

By the way Ted, I was going to mail yours but there was a lot of hassle at the post office. In the end it all worked out well and they even came up with a guy from the Direct Express Auxiliary, or something, who said he’d take them right to your doorstep. (Those DEA jackets sure are nice looking) Now send me the damned pictures.
 

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Sorry for your loss, Porter.
 

Haggis

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I get really angry that too often dying folks don't get the pain medications that help make the transition easier. Sorry your dad had to go through that, Porter.
 

PorterStarrByrd

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Actually , up here in Canada they readily supply them without question. Dad went comfortably.

I suppose I should return the unused morphine ...
 

swachski

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We missed you, Porter old gal... :Hug2:

Rest in peace, father-of-Porter..
 

TedTheewen

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Porter, it is wonderful to see you back here. I have missed you dearly.

Morphine is good, and I'm sure you and I would have a great time in my van going around the country delivering furniture and having adventures.

Kelly, if I get there first, I will share with you.

Hang on, there's a knock at the door...brb.
 

BDavidHughes

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"And he was never heard from again. Some say, late at night, you can still hear the faint sounds of a distant "Wuh-huh"."

(I'd like to than Morgan Freeman for voicing that in my head as I wrote it.)
 

KellyAssauer

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*Looks like my plan is working perfectly*


*Thank goodness the van is an automatic...*



:evil
 

KellyAssauer

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Whew! Glad you're focused on that and not wondering why I was carrying two bungee cords and brick when I slipped away in the van...

:D
 

KellyAssauer

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*Creeps van into wall-o-world parking lot. (btw: best creeping van evah) Leaves motor running. Empties 5 gallon gas can into fuel tank. Gets rocket bike out of back. Open driver's door. Sets parking brake. Slips transmission into drive. Turns steering wheel and ties it off with bungee cords. Steps out of van. Drops brick on gas petal. Pops brake handle off. Slams door as it drives off. Escapes on motorcycle.*

:D
 
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KellyAssauer

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You're right.
I didn't escape on my motorcycle.
I just couldn't do it.
Was too much fun watching discount center shoppers run for their lives...


:evil
 
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