What matters?

RichardGarfinkle · May 8, 2012

The challenge of common ground is one that exists at all times for all people. It's not just things like our perceptions of color that are unique to each person. It's pretty clear that no two people have exactly the same meanings for anything. This is, at least in part, because of the associative nature of human thought and memory. Every word, thought, idea, story, etc is made up of our own associations with that idea.

This is about to get idiosyncratic:
How then can we communicate at all? It seems to me that there are two different processes people use in tallking and listening which I've been personally calling Blurring and Sharing.

Blurring is the process of glossing over the differences between what one person means and what another person means. It's a kind of destructive interference that takes away the meanings of ideas and leaves things like empty slogans behind. The thing about blurring is that it makes it easy for a lot of people to think they are in agreement when in fact they have no common ground at all.

Sharing takes advantage of the differences in people's views. It accepts the idea that a concept may be more than one person understands. It allows for 'I never thought of that'. It's one of those simultaneously humbling and enlightening things.

I liken blurring and sharing to a different way of looking at the old story of the Blind Men and the Elephant. Each feels one part of the elephant and declares their personal view of what elephant is (tail : snake, leg : tree) etc. If they hold stubbornly to their views they get nowhere. If they share their understanding knowing their own limitations they might be able to, together understand the Elephant in the room.

This may sound abstract, but it's an everyday aspect of my life. I have an Analytical (by which I mean process oriented) non Visual mind. My wife, Alessandra has a brilliant visual mind. I can help her with the kinds of processes that are not possible to see, thus contributing a little to her work. And she helps me with the subtle visual aspects of my work thus filling in the vast gaps in mine. We go much further than either of us could if we walked alone or if we insisted that our perspectives were right in all aspects.

Nimram · May 8, 2012

Humanity matters. I mean the specie. That's on a "philosophical" level. The problem I have is translating that in a specific situation. When we see someone in need of help we don't stop to analyze what he means for the humanity and to think if he's worth the resources put into helping. But we should.
Change matters. Changes are good even when they are bad. Because we can change them.
Learning matters. Not making the same mistakes should help building upon what's there instead of starting over and over from ground level. Considering human nature, I have no idea if that's possible.
I think the only way of unifying different "what matters" is a common threat. Kind of hollywood apocalyptic scenario.

Alpha Echo · May 8, 2012

lorna_w said:
Nothing. Nothing truly matters. Except that it is human nature to make things matter to us, and I think that's potentially a good thing. There is no 'meaning to life' except those we invent. From my perspective, I sure hope your invented meaning is "stuff that doesn't hurt me."

Wow. I find this so incredibly sad.

Nimram said:
Humanity matters. I mean the specie. That's on a "philosophical" level. The problem I have is translating that in a specific situation. When we see someone in need of help we don't stop to analyze what he means for the humanity and to think if he's worth the resources put into helping. But we should.
Change matters. Changes are good even when they are bad. Because we can change them.
Learning matters. Not making the same mistakes should help building upon what's there instead of starting over and over from ground level. Considering human nature, I have no idea if that's possible.
I think the only way of unifying different "what matters" is a common threat. Kind of hollywood apocalyptic scenario.

Very good points. I never thought about change as something that matters...but it does, doesn't it? Change has always kind of scared me, but I like looking at in the way you mean.

Raventongue · May 9, 2012

Alpha Echo said:
Wow. I find this so incredibly sad.

I don't think I can see anything wrong with it, but I find your statement intriguing and would love to hear more. Are you willing to pinpoint what's sad about it?

There are folks who find this type of worldview not demotivating, but liberating. I have several friends who see it this way, and it seems to really help them with letting go and moving on. They appear to use it the same way other folks might use some Buddhist teachings without becoming full-on Buddhists; and the two really don't seem dissimilar.

Have you not encountered this viewpoint before? 20th-century existentialism? Camus? Hemingway?

Alpha Echo · May 9, 2012

Raventongue said:
I don't think I can see anything wrong with it, but I find your statement intriguing and would love to hear more. Are you willing to pinpoint what's sad about it?

There are folks who find this type of worldview not demotivating, but liberating. I have several friends who see it this way, and it seems to really help them with letting go and moving on. They appear to use it the same way other folks might use some Buddhist teachings without becoming full-on Buddhists; and the two really don't seem dissimilar.

Have you not encountered this viewpoint before? 20th-century existentialism? Camus? Hemingway?

Of course I have. But that doesn't prevent me from thinking it sad every time I hear it.

How can nothing matter?

I certainly can understand how someone or why someone may decide that material things don't matter. I don't have a problem with that, and in fact, I believe our material things shouldn't matter. At the point where they begin to matter, they become idols.

But what about love? What about your faith? Morals? Humanity? Goodness and kindness, generosity and selflessness? What about the memories of your childhood or the hope for the future?

What kind of life do you lead if none of that matters to you?

Why even get up in the morning? What's the point of living if nothing matters to you?

Raventongue · May 9, 2012

Ah but there's the thing. She didn't say nothing matters to her- she said nothing matters except to the person it matters to. Like nothing matters in the grand scheme of things, to the universet etc.

Teinz · May 10, 2012

Raventongue said:
Ah but there's the thing. She didn't say nothing matters to her- she said nothing matters except to the person it matters to. Like nothing matters in the grand scheme of things, to the universet etc.

Exactly! I agree with Lorna a hundred percent.

What matters for me?

What do I need to do?
Where do I belong?
How will people remember me?

Those three things are very important to me.

randi.lee · May 10, 2012

"Your freedom stops where my nose begins." -John Ashton.

I don't care what you believe or why you believe it so long as your beliefs do not cause harm to others.

What matters?

RichardGarfinkle

Nurture Phoenixes

Nimram

sometimes woefully inaccurate

Alpha Echo

I should be writing.

Raventongue

little orphan anarchist

Alpha Echo

I should be writing.

Raventongue

little orphan anarchist

Teinz

Back at it again.

randi.lee

Certified Non-Genius