Here's the summary:
The facts of romance begins in the drama classroom of Mr. John McIntyre. there we meet William Potter, his brother Charles, and friend Sydney Freedman, all freshmen hoping to survive high school- or at least Freshman year. Then, after meeting Mr. McIntyre, three girls come in late. They are Margaret Blake, Degrassi Nelson, and Spike Ryan, all seniors, and all of whom catch the eyes of the three teen male characters. William then asks out Margaret. William tells his parents, Henry, a former west-end and Broadway actor, and Lorraine that he has to go to the library to study- which is certainly not the case! From there, we meet her parents, Sherman, a former navy SEAL and current postal worker, and his wife Lorraine. They express surprise to Margaret's date, especially Sherman. William comes to Margaret's house, and gets a firm monologue from Sherman about what he expects. They then go to the Super fancy, super expensive restaurant, which is not super fancy, and only super expensive. The waiter asks them what they want to drink, and Margaret asks for strong alcohol, which William says is illegal. He opts for A&W root beer instead. Eventually, they both end up drunk, and finding that it is past their curfew, ask for two separate rooms in the budget motel that happens to operate in the restaurant's building as well. The waiter lies and tells them that the only two non-suite rooms have no heat, and so they take a suite. Then, we then see the classroom. Mr. McIntyre returned from jury duty in the 3 months between the date scene and that scene. Margaret tells William that she's pregnant. They then go off and tell their parents. William's parents are enraged, but not as much as Sherman and Mildred. They scream, and shout, and then invite the Potter's over to scream some more. They do. Then Charles and the other kids come and tell a story of the love between Margaret and William. Then William proposes. The wedding is held in the school's gym, officiated by the Reverend Dr. Lucille Johnson, a friend of Mr. McIntyre from the war. They get married, and Henry tells Sherman that he found pregnancy strips in the rooms of the friends (who happen to be Henry's kids), and Sherman says he found a text on Charles' phone to that same effect. The play closes with the two asking for a shot-gun and affirming each other that they're going straight to hell.