I frequently engage in these long, drawn out text conversations with friends where we try to make each other laugh. I thought I'd post up the one I'm having right now--for everyone's entertainment--since apparently I'm not going to get any work done today.
Girl Texting [Part 1]
[Here I am already begging/guilting her to see me for coffee as she has told me she doesn't have the free time to see a movie with me today. She has told me maybe about the coffee.]
Me: And I take your last message as your agreement that you will hang out with me later today. I'm already getting ready so any future refusal is both rude and cruel.
Girl: I meant later today. I'm not sure what time.
Me: I'm ready. I'm just sitting here starring at the clock. No saying no now.
Girl: Aren't you going to a movie?
[Secretly I intend to use coffee as an excuse to further plead my movie case.]
Me: I can plan it around coffee. It's not like they're expecting me at a certain time. Wait. Are they?
Girl: Well, the movie has start times. But of course you know that. Ass.
Me: Yeah, they kinda go all day though. Did ya think they clumped 'em all up during the lunch hour only? You did, huh?
Girl: Umm, no. I've been to the movies before.
[I'm back on steroids for a persistent stomach infection.]
Me: I am so cracked out on roids right now. Do you need me to lift anything? Or scream at anyone?
Me: I think I'm gonna go for a second run. My legs probably wouldn't like that. I could go to the park in the grass. Yes, I'm gonna do that. I'll take you with me. [I normally never take my phone on runs.] Less likely I'll need to kick any dogs up there. [I am teasing her here because I jog in farm country and when I'm nearly bitten by aggressive dogs, she pleads the case of how innocent and victimless those dogs are.]
Me: But I showered and rubbed my legs down in a hot Epsom salt bath already. Maybe I could just masturbate 4-5 times instead? Yeah, that's easier. Thank God for Internet porn. Don't worry, I'll take you with me for that too!
Girl: Hahaha, boys are gross.
Me: Wait, it's gross when we masturbate?
Me: It's fucking beautiful you insensative bitch. When I masturbate, cherubs flutter overhead playing tiny harps.
Me: Do not correct me! I am the man here! Ben Franklin was a bad speller too, and he invented electricity and took naked air baths!
Girl: Don't tell me you're the man like it means something. Men have very little purpose in the modern world.
Me: We control all of the sperm... Don't even ask for any now, because I won't let you have it.
Girl: Except the idea of free porn and fast cash draws men to sperm banks, where they relinquish control of it. LoL.
Me: That's not the good sperm. 99% of the good sperm comes from my testicles. I was afraid if you knew you would covet it.
Girl: Coffee time is in 30 mins. I checked.
[To be continued...]
So if ya got any funny text conversations, post 'em up!