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Thread: Hounding After Hours

  1. #6026
    Today is your last day. FOTSGreg's Avatar
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    Need a tiny bit of help with a phrasing. The current phrase goes as follows,

    His voice held a whisper of slithering scaliness.

    I know that can be phrased better. Any suggestions?

  2. #6027
    roasting cows night-flyer's Avatar
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    Good day hounds.

    Abby, good luck and much congrats on the new job tomorrow.

    Debbie, hope your connecting flight is there and waiting so you don't have a delay.

    Soapy, beat the snot out of that WIP and knock that outline into the dirt. Show it who's boss.

    Greg, maybe something with seething or hissing instead.

    And Haggis...Amen. I pray that she goes ever so lightly with the angels guiding her way and surrounded by family and loved ones.

    and I'll have one of those shots please.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synonym View Post
    Just when I think that this thread couldn't possibly get any stranger...it does.


  3. #6028
    Today is your last day. FOTSGreg's Avatar
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    I ended the previous sentence with "hissed". The current sentence reads as "His tone whispered of slithering scales."

  4. #6029
    New kid, be gentle! BriMaresh's Avatar
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    Abby, the Harry Potter world is in Universal Studios Orland Islands of Adventure. I've gone a few times and it's always like going HOME. I think I'm going in July, but I'm not sure yet - that's not set in stone.

    Greg - Everything I attempted sounded twice as awkward, but have you tried saying it all out loud and seeing what you correct yourself to? Maybe that's a me thing, but if I have a super awkward passage, I'll start reading a page or two before hand, out loud, and by the time I get there, I'm so in the flow of it that I simply correct it as I read out loud. The trick is, then, remembering the correction and making it. But it usually works well for me, anyway.

    All - Middle Grade or young young adult horror, is that a thing? What am I even doing with my life right now? The world does not need a new R.L. Stein, the original was so freaking awesome.
    WIPs:
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  5. #6030
    Today is your last day. FOTSGreg's Avatar
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    Actually, read out loud, "His tone whispered of slithering scales" sounds good to me.

  6. #6031
    roasting cows night-flyer's Avatar
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    I got nothing.

    But I haven't had my coffee, yet and I only got four hours of sleep last night.
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    twitter & fb (for a friend)

    WIP1- One of Us, SF/Horror
    WIP2- Flying with Broken Wings, Fantasy

    Quote Originally Posted by Synonym View Post
    Just when I think that this thread couldn't possibly get any stranger...it does.


  7. #6032
    New kid, be gentle! BriMaresh's Avatar
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    If it fits, go for it. I wasn't sure if you didn't still like it or not. It's a stylistic choice, and how it fits your piece is really all that matters.

    At C2E2 I went to some amazing panels with authors like Anne Rice and Charlaine Harris on them, and that was something I noticed - these authors all had a seriously noticable way of being themself. It was awesome. The way they spoke was just as distinct as they way they wrote. I mean, these are big time, long-enduring authors, who have had a lot of time to practice being themselves in panels, but still. It was neat.
    WIPs:
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  8. #6033
    Pasture-ized slcboston's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FOTSGreg View Post
    His voice held a whisper of slithering scaliness.
    Quote Originally Posted by FOTSGreg View Post
    "His tone whispered of slithering scales"
    FWIW, I'd combine the two. I like "His voice held a whisper of slithering scales."

    Just my two cents.

    There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead.

    Answer the Question of the Week.* New questions found on the last page of the thread.

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  9. #6034
    Today is your last day. FOTSGreg's Avatar
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    Maybe "His voice whispered of slithering scales." ?

  10. #6035
    Pasture-ized slcboston's Avatar
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    No, I like the "held a whisper" because when you phrase it the other way, it just makes me think that's what he's actually whispering, which is not what I think you're trying to convey.

    Again, just my two cents in how it sounds to my ears. Or, er, reads, because I'm not reading it out loud.

    There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead.

    Answer the Question of the Week.* New questions found on the last page of the thread.

    *May or may not actually be updated once a week.

    Fleas Twits

  11. #6036
    Today is your last day. FOTSGreg's Avatar
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    The conveyance is that the listener is hearing something at the back of the speaker's voice, something that may or may not be there.

    Damn, it's such a difficult turn of a phrase for something that ought to be relatively easy to convey - maybe I ought to just say "His voice held darkness"...

    On a lighter note, my friend Erika said she'd be willing to go out with me sometime. Her major worry is other patrons of hers finding out we're going out together and expecting the same thing.

    I understand her concerns from an employment POV. She needs those tips and she doesn't need to be hassled by other customers constantly asking her out.

  12. #6037
    Pasture-ized slcboston's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FOTSGreg View Post
    maybe I ought to just say "His voice held darkness"...
    EGAD! NO!



    Er, I mean, I don't think that works near as well, Greg.




    So... when are you asking her out, Greg?
    There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead.

    Answer the Question of the Week.* New questions found on the last page of the thread.

    *May or may not actually be updated once a week.

    Fleas Twits

  13. #6038
    Today is your last day. FOTSGreg's Avatar
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    Okay... Cutting that right out of the phrase alternatives...

    As to when I'll be asking Erika out - Next week. I'll have more money, less bills, and be better off financially, none of which matters to her. I gave her another hyacinth flower today 'cause I was kind've an ass in an email to her yesterday (she said I wasn't, but I was).

  14. #6039
    Pasture-ized slcboston's Avatar
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    Um, that's "next week" as in "the week that starts tomorrow," right?

    Because she's given you the green light here. Ergo, you need to ask.



    And yes, I will become an absolute pest on this issue if you keep putting it off.

    There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead.

    Answer the Question of the Week.* New questions found on the last page of the thread.

    *May or may not actually be updated once a week.

    Fleas Twits

  15. #6040
    writing soapdish's Avatar
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    Morning, Hounds. Today is the start to the week where I catch up on stuff.

    After coffee.
    And after herding children.

    And assuming the puppy sleeps some.
    Quote Originally Posted by ShaunHorton View Post
    "You should see the things I DON'T write down."

  16. #6041
    Pasture-ized slcboston's Avatar
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    So, in other words, it's not going to happen.




    I have the week in which things should be done, too. Only in my case there is no choice unless I want to hand out random grades.


    Wait. I have a dice. Six sides, five possible grades, how did I not see this before?

    There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead.

    Answer the Question of the Week.* New questions found on the last page of the thread.

    *May or may not actually be updated once a week.

    Fleas Twits

  17. #6042
    I sometimes hiccup fire parumpdragon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by soapdish View Post

    Morning, Hounds. Today is the start to the week where I catch up on stuff.

    After coffee.
    And after herding children.

    And assuming the puppy sleeps some.
    Morning guys - wow, I keep missing stuff. You guys are typing up a storm!

    And I am doing catch-up stuff also
    A cute little bug :

    Dear God, Thank you for keeping me together when I'm falling apart.


    Goodreads

    I'm a friend of Foo Bat - join the club!

  18. #6043
    writing soapdish's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by slcboston View Post
    So, in other words, it's not going to happen.

    Oh, it'll happen.

    No, seriously. It will.


    Why'd you have to put doubt in my mind like that?


    Wait. I have a dice. Six sides, five possible grades, how did I not see this before?




    PD
    Quote Originally Posted by ShaunHorton View Post
    "You should see the things I DON'T write down."

  19. #6044
    Pasture-ized slcboston's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by soapdish View Post
    Why'd you have to put doubt in my mind like that?
    I have a week off.


    How else am I supposed to amuse myself?

    There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead.

    Answer the Question of the Week.* New questions found on the last page of the thread.

    *May or may not actually be updated once a week.

    Fleas Twits

  20. #6045
    aka Skwirrel LaurieD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FOTSGreg View Post
    Need a tiny bit of help with a phrasing. The current phrase goes as follows,

    His voice held a whisper of slithering scaliness.

    I know that can be phrased better. Any suggestions?
    If it still matters, I like it as it is.


  21. #6046
    aka Skwirrel LaurieD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by soapdish View Post

    Morning, Hounds. Today is the start to the week where I catch up on stuff.

    After coffee.
    And after herding children.

    And assuming the puppy sleeps some.
    Ahhh! You got a puppy!!


  22. #6047
    aka Skwirrel LaurieD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haggis View Post
    Amen, brother. Wendy loves her some Hounds. And the Hounds love her.

    Here's to a peaceful transition, Wendy.
    Well said.

    What a sad surprise to me this morning.

  23. #6048
    writing soapdish's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LaurieD View Post
    Ahhh! You got a puppy!!

    I knew I'd get this reaction from you, Laurie.

    Yep. Got a puppy. One that now looks like he's wearing clown makeup from brushing up against my wet terracotta pots outside.
    Quote Originally Posted by ShaunHorton View Post
    "You should see the things I DON'T write down."

  24. #6049
    practical experience, FTW kd1984's Avatar
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    Greetings, hounds! I've been playing over at the Write 1 Sub 1 thread, but since I'm a horror writer , I figured I would pop my head over here and say hi. Soo...Hi!

    Feels lovely to be amongst good company. Those literary people don't know what they're missing.

  25. #6050
    Pasture-ized slcboston's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by soapdish View Post
    Yep. Got a puppy. One that now looks like he's wearing clown makeup from brushing up against my wet terracotta pots outside.
    Oh, goody.


    So now he's a *scary* whirling dervish of fuzzy destruction.

    There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead.

    Answer the Question of the Week.* New questions found on the last page of the thread.

    *May or may not actually be updated once a week.

    Fleas Twits

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