Comedy Cabaret--2012 Road Trip

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Haggis

Evil, undead Chihuahua
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See the thing about slamming Chihueys is that they shouldnt be slammed because its not like they go skimming across swimming pools like sometimes vans do or dont do depending on whether they are Fords or Chevys or sometimes even one of them foreign vans like Van Johnson or Van Morrison or Van Halen or Van Cliburn or even Vanessa Williams who you could call Van if you wanted to even though she might not respond to it although she should because if would be a good nickname and I still remember that picture they took of her a long time ago which was pretty hot and it hurt her in the short term but in the long term it didnt hurt her at all because
 

kenthepen

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and once I tried skipping Vanessa Williams across a pool but that wasn't much appreciated by her or anyone else at the party and there was yelling and generally ugly behavior and an attempt was make to skip me but I sink like a rock(Or rocca in espagnole) and didn't even drop my drink but it tasted kind of chloriney after that and I didn't finish it even though I hate to wast it I found a drink on the table and there was only a couple cigarette butts in it so I removed them(I think I did) and it didn't tasted too bad compared to the chloriney drink but back to the skipping there really wasn't any despite the numerous attempts but Vanessa was the only one could have been called Van except the brutes who attaced me were at the vanguard of the anti-skipping movement in general and my research in particular because
 

kenthepen

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Not really Port's fault as there's no arm-twisting or nothing or any weird channeling things going on I would say more inspired by kind of non-plagiarism-related kudos.




because
 

CassandraW

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You know I used to have a boyfriend with a van which my mother didn't like a bit even less than the boyfriend who had a motorcycle even though really that was potentially a lot more dangerous and sort of inconvenient when it was raining or snowing since it was his only form of transportation for a while though really I loved that damn thing even though my hair got all snarly after I rode on it but my mom hated the van more because she figured that we'd get into all sorts of nefarious and lewd activities there much as van williams apparently did when she was a young thing before the miss usa pageant that got her into so much trouble even though its a drop in the bucket compared to what kids are doing today what with their sexting and such like but that van was pretty harmless all said and done since pffft thats hardly the only place two crazy kids could get crazy and look at me now I'm the kind of person who comes home on a saturday night at 10:15 and starts typing all kinds of crazy crap because



Edited to add because:

but you know now that I come to think of it my boyfriend and me never did try to skip that van over a swimming pool and now I'm thinking I missed a passage of youth that i never shoulda missed especially since the boyfriend with the motorcycle and i never tried to skip it over a swimming pool either though we did ride it through a blizzard once for a short bit because we didn't have any other choice and it really sucked by the way and we once went skinny dipping in lake ontario in the dead of night even though i think you weren't technically supposed to swim there at all due to it being filled with toxic waste or some such disgusting stuff and you can see now that maybe my mom had a point about my boyfriends and it sure as hell is sounding like i had way too many of them though i think really i had a pretty average number but hell that swim in the lake was fun and never did us any harm though some day if i get some horrible wasting disease I'll probably look back and wonder if that was what did it because
 
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kenthepen

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I always sent my letters to the great Chihuey to "Chihuey slammer, Southern Canuckistan" and no zip because they don't zip up there(just ask Hag) every Chihuey Day momhelped me rite the letters til fifteen years old(her age) when I learned how to myself so I'd get bottles of syrup with no untapping cause momsaid that's how she got me and I didn't want another me because then I wouldn't be sure which one I was and I had the syrup on my pancakes but momdrank hers I tried it once it burned a lot so I stuck to my own syrup(hahaget it?) on my pancakes but never grits because mom said she'd rip out my eyes(in a nice way) if I ever brought grits into the house so never did and onetime some friends said try some and I did I think that's called pier pressure but grits was just about the nastiest think I ever put in my mouth except for that one time but I don't tell that story no more because
 

GailD

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I'm guessing by cray's lack of participation today,

that the little batteries have succeeded in duct taping Dad to the bark-o-lounger...

*not that I sent them instructions - well, not that you can prove it was me*



home_alone.jpg



Well, if you will give kids enough rope....
 

PorterStarrByrd

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Its nice to see the quality of righting on this thread and a couple of others improving so much lately since that is really the reason some of us who are not a chihuahua or a bettery or an asinyne rabbit or a mean cerial killer or a new girl or some other things come to this thread to learn things although the new girl does seem to be getting the hang of it except that though she was once beautiful maybe before she swam in Lake Ontario or Lake Erie or some other lakes her beauty has gone away from her so I am not as interested in her as I was for a short while and I have found other things like dragons that reely are beatiful no matter how they look in the face or the eyes like some of the visitors hear who scare the hell out of mean most days so it is really good that the writing has improved so much lately making me believe in fairies and stuff since they allways told me Id never make it as best selling righter and now I am beginning to think that maybe I can in this life because
 

Honeybug

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Mayhaps it's just his girlfriend. Absolutely Wonderful---must be a stage name!

:D

ETA: because
 

CassandraW

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home_alone.jpg



Well, if you will give kids enough rope....

I have to hand it to Cray's kids. I couldn't have done much better myself.

*mails cattle prod and buggy whip to crayolas for the next girls' weekend.*

Its nice to see the quality of righting on this thread and a couple of others improving so much lately since that is really the reason some of us who are not a chihuahua or a bettery or an asinyne rabbit or a mean cerial killer or a new girl or some other things come to this thread to learn things although the new girl does seem to be getting the hang of it except that though she was once beautiful maybe before she swam in Lake Ontario or Lake Erie or some other lakes her beauty has gone away from her so I am not as interested in her as I was for a short while and I have found other things like dragons that reely are beatiful no matter how they look in the face or the eyes like some of the visitors hear who scare the hell out of mean most days so it is really good that the writing has improved so much lately making me believe in fairies and stuff since they allways told me Id never make it as best selling righter and now I am beginning to think that maybe I can in this life because

ya know it took me much of the day to work through this one and figure out that i was being insulted because the insults are all buried behind that compliment of my getting the hang of it although come to think of it thats really an insult since i'm not a new girl and since i don't just have the hang of it i'm pretty much a master at it but then i read on and he says that i'm not beautiful any more which really hurts and apparently he's never taken a good look at my toes which more discerning types have admired tremendously because
 
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kenthepen

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*lifts lid off of large pot, sniffs*

I think it's time to toss the leftover hasenpfeffer.

Cass Cass Cass. You're too wrapped up in your 'logic' to understand what's going on here.

(And it might help if you combed your toes once in a while)
 

Honeybug

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Oh BOY !!

I have a girl friend now ...

how can I get in touch with her ... RIGHT AWAY?


You should try dancin!! SR is electric on the dance floor---try some of his moves. :banana:

May I also suggest a touch of make-up!

because

:D
 

CassandraW

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if i can venture to give little writing advice here to certain people on this thread not to mention any names like honeybug and kenthepen but if you didnt use all that punctuation and spacing and capitalization and such like your writing would flow a lot more evenly although i do appreciate honeybugs effort to throw in a because at the end which really shows shes paying attention and likes to give proper reasons for whatever nonsense she happens to be babbling about and also i do agree with her about the muppets dancing although personally i prefer it when he struts to 1970s porn music because
 

Honeybug

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i write this in shock that the muppet dances to porn music as i always thought him a special kinda muppeh who travels from thread to thread spreading joy and happiness until i discovered writing is just as fun as dancing but i have been writing improperly and understand that everyones writing abilities are like their dancing abilities and avi's are a more personal reflection of oneself showing one's toes because


:D

BECAUSE
 

PorterStarrByrd

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Some people never learn other people learn all the time when they pay attention to what is going on in the world right next to them and oh my what things they learn but dancing to 70s porn music should not be one of them because good porn does not need music to distract you from what is important and the brit is usually not important especially when you have found a good porn site and nobody is looking over you shoulder in the library where you can use the computer to learn all sorts of tricks which good pron is usually full of and the music bothers the other people on the other computers who have dialed up beastiality or kama sutra which have nothing to do with porn so the music is disturbing in that context where it is not needed unless you are multitasking and looking at porn and beastiality and the kama sutra all at once like in that site I found yesterday because.
 

CassandraW

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That's just gross!!

*goes to library to find Porter*

i believe the word you are groping for is disgusting which is the word we use here in the cabbie to describe pretty much everything including some stuff that is way past disgusting and some stuff that isn't all that disgusting like groping for example which doesn't have to be disgusting unless maybe quickWit is involved which all too often he is but i see i shouldnt bother you because youve caught on to that secret white writing thing and are on your way to find the disgusting because
 
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