Comedy Cabaret--2012 Road Trip

Silent Rob said:

Hey, Nina!

Nina?

Give my regards to good ole uncle Vito, ok?

And ask him if'n he needs any help wrangling his beeves.

*spits*

Click to expand...

I think the only thing Uncle V wrangles



are the ponies at Monmouth Park.

That jus' ain't true.

I done saw how he wrangled qw's ass the other day.

Poor fella darn near cried. Dat ass is all he got, you hear!?

But Uncle Vito jus' said that no man rides an ass in his town.

Well, well, well. Lookie here. Them Caberet characters done wandered inta' town. Whahahaha!!!

FOTSGreg said:

Well, well, well. Lookie here. Them Caberet characters done wandered inta' town. Whahahaha!!!

Click to expand...

Smile when you say that, pardner.

<starts linin' up rifles, checking angles, an' loadin' ammunition>

Like ducks in a row...

*spit, hock, ptui*

Nope. The duck ain't been back fer some time. 'Sides, he ain't no duck anyhow. He's a seagull.

Mean critter, too.

Angie said:

Mean critter, too.

Click to expand...

Gawdawful mean.

Weren't no seagull neither. Was a budgerigar. To which I say...


Wait for it...



Wait for it...



Budgies? We don't need no stinkin' Budgies!

Meerkat said:

Weren't no seagull neither. Was a budgerigar. To which I say...


Wait for it...



Wait for it...



Budgies? We don't need no stinkin' Budgies!

Click to expand...

*suffocates meerkitty*

Gah!

Haggis!

You played into his trap, by tarnation!

He normally has to pay for that kind of treatment.

*spits*

*lifts skirts, adjusts suspenders*

*tugs at corset, adjusts puppies*

Ahem. Now that I've got your attention.

Y'all know that Ol' Haggis's got himself some shares in that there railroad. Occasionally he fancies a bit of steam travel when he's stocking up on supplies. On the last trip he bought a whole heap of stuff, includin' an ironing board. (He left the bathtub 'cos bathing for sissies.)

The train was pretty full, so Haggis had to share a compartment with five other people. Fortunately, one of 'em was a fine, pretty lady - or she would have been if it weren't for the yellow crochet thing on her head - but Haggis ain't one to get hooked up on the details.

He chatted her up for a couple of hours before it got dark and everyone got into their bunks for the night. The pretty lady had the top bunk on one side and Haggis had the top bunk on the other. He tucked the ironing boad along one side of the bunk. Him an' the pretty lady kept up their banter until Haggis had an idea.

Haggis: Whyn't you git your pretty li'l britches over here?

KLM: Tee hee. How'm I gonna do that?

Haggis: Well, I've got something here. It's long an' it's hard an' you can climb across it.

KLM: Tee hee.

From the darkness below, a slightly acidic voice rang out. "Oh yeah? Then how's the li'l lady gonna be gettin' back after?"


*spits*

*faints*

That haggis! He ain't no gennleman!

This is a surprise to you?

Now Miss Gail, I know yer wond'rin how come Rob has chin whiskers these days. Wellsirma'am, It's on accounta what happened to ole Haggis. Ya see ole Haggis went to get hisself a shave an' bein' a dog o' some years he's got more'n his share o' wrinkles. Well that ole barber give him a wooden ball to hold in his mouth 'tween his cheek an' gums to stretch his skin out like tannin' a hyde so's he could shave him up all smooth and properlike.

Well, that barber he done a fine job and when it come time to settle up Haggis says to him, he says "You done me right good, barber, but what if I'd a had swallowed that there ball? What then?"
That barber, he just looks back at ole Haggis and says "Wellsir, then you just bring it back in after a couple days like ever'one else."

*spits*

*imperceptible titter*












*spit*

imperceptible titters need lurve, too

*tips hat*

*blush*
why thank ye, madam.

sure thing, Hoss

*stares at imperceptible rack*

Git a room.

I'm just here for the billiards

*tips hat*

*blush*
why thank ye, madam.

*bats lashes*

*lashes bats*

*bashes lats*
Dude, I'm like, totally shredded!

*flexes lats*
RAWR!!