- Joined
- Apr 11, 2005
- Messages
- 2,916
- Reaction score
- 403
It's always a good idea to judge whom to interact with by their posting behavior, which evidently is a lesson the OP has taken to heart. Good for her.
Gun shy after being burned by other writers...
- Thread starter Christyp
- Start date
- Status
I think it's very tempting, when you're part of X group of people (in this case, writers), to expect others in X group to be friendly and a good, supportive community. But when it comes down to it, you're dealing with people. Some are going to be great, but you're going to have some stinkers, too. Logically, it's common sense that a single characteristic or interest isn't going to make someone a pleasant person or a good ally, but I think we're often inclined to assume that's the case.
Another thing, it can difficult to find a compatible group, sometimes. You had a really bad experience, but sometimes even good groups just aren't a good fit. I've found I have the best luck with beta readers and large, informal critique forums like the SYW forums here, because success isn't so dependent on finding the right group dynamic with the right structure. Sometimes you can make an imperfect fit work, and you can get a lot of good critiques, but it can be disappointing if you go into it expecting to find a bunch of kindred spirits and you don't find that. This may not be an issue for you, since your concerns seem to be more about truly toxic groups and individuals. But still, you have to be realistic about the chances of finding a writing "soul mate." It can happen, but it may not happen immediately. That doesn't mean you can't get some good advice and critiques, though.
Good luck, and I think if you hang around here, you should have pretty good luck. I think this could be a good environment for regaining some confidence.
Another thing, it can difficult to find a compatible group, sometimes. You had a really bad experience, but sometimes even good groups just aren't a good fit. I've found I have the best luck with beta readers and large, informal critique forums like the SYW forums here, because success isn't so dependent on finding the right group dynamic with the right structure. Sometimes you can make an imperfect fit work, and you can get a lot of good critiques, but it can be disappointing if you go into it expecting to find a bunch of kindred spirits and you don't find that. This may not be an issue for you, since your concerns seem to be more about truly toxic groups and individuals. But still, you have to be realistic about the chances of finding a writing "soul mate." It can happen, but it may not happen immediately. That doesn't mean you can't get some good advice and critiques, though.
Good luck, and I think if you hang around here, you should have pretty good luck. I think this could be a good environment for regaining some confidence.
I took a look at a post the OP made in SYW in '10, and I saw plenty of room for improvement. I'm not so ready to jump on the jeloose band wagon just yet. I don't know what was said on the other forum, so can't comment. Maybe the critiquers lack a certain communication skill?
I didn't post a crit, as it was an old thread. But if the OP is interested I will.
It sounds like you had a truly grim experience, christyp, and I do recommend SYW here for building your confidence back.
The problem, and the reason you're not perhaps getting the reaction you'd anticipated, is that I can't be the only person who's seen your first post, practically word-for-word, written by someone whose critiquers had politely suggested she use spellcheck or paragraphs. Individuals draw their lines as to what's reasonable in very different places, and it wasn't apparent right away what had pushed you over yours.
IANAL, but as far as I know, they wouldn't have to use your full name for it to be defamation. It would just have to be obvious to other people that it was you they were talking about. If it really is that bad, is there Citizen's Advice or similar where you live?
How awful for us to have to be talking about getting legal advice based on friends critiquing one another's work
The problem, and the reason you're not perhaps getting the reaction you'd anticipated, is that I can't be the only person who's seen your first post, practically word-for-word, written by someone whose critiquers had politely suggested she use spellcheck or paragraphs. Individuals draw their lines as to what's reasonable in very different places, and it wasn't apparent right away what had pushed you over yours.
IANAL, but as far as I know, they wouldn't have to use your full name for it to be defamation. It would just have to be obvious to other people that it was you they were talking about. If it really is that bad, is there Citizen's Advice or similar where you live?
How awful for us to have to be talking about getting legal advice based on friends critiquing one another's work
This, exactly. I posted the comment I did based on the OP in this thread, as did a number of others. When you start a thread, you own what you post, and whatever clarification it needs should be there, not lurking in a six-month-old thread in another forum.
Complaining about being misunderstood here is like having to explain a bad joke. In fact, it just adds to the sense of extra-sensitivity that still lingers in the OP, explanation or no explanation.
And we have had other threads much like this, too.
caw
Last edited:
Thank you all so much for all your comments!
After reading through your comments (someone tried to teach me how to quote several in one...not quite technologically savvy), just wanted to say thanks to everyone who took time out of their days to comment. I know my late night post may have seemed a little disjointed, but most of you got the gist...lol
I've taken some of your advice, and tiptoed into the SYW board. I actually got some very useful crits from some very smart people.
Again, thank you so much!!!
After reading through your comments (someone tried to teach me how to quote several in one...not quite technologically savvy), just wanted to say thanks to everyone who took time out of their days to comment. I know my late night post may have seemed a little disjointed, but most of you got the gist...lol
I've taken some of your advice, and tiptoed into the SYW board. I actually got some very useful crits from some very smart people.
Again, thank you so much!!!
1. Develop a tougher hide. The publishing industry isn't for simps.
2. Some people are naturally blunt and incapable of speaking prettily about your work. I posted this before but there was a guy in my old crit group who was extremely blunt. He told the raw truth and in my opinion,these kind of people are the best. Problems seem to arise when the super sensitive meet the super blunt. That's why it's important to specify what kind of crit you prefer. But if you only want praise and not the truth,then you aren't going to get the help you need.
3.You have to separate your feelings from your work. I know that is hard. But it must be done so you can see where things need improvement.
When someone gives an honest and constructive critique,don't act they are the bully that slapped you when you were a child and go all HAM on them. My query letter was critiqued by a member here. She ripped it apart and told me what worked and what didn't. I took her advice and that new query has gotten me requests for partials. From what I've seen,people on AW aren't deliberately mean. But they aren't going to hold your hand,either.
Without the marvelous resource that is AW,I wouldn't know how to format properly,write a decent query,or basically know anything about the publishing process.
2. Some people are naturally blunt and incapable of speaking prettily about your work. I posted this before but there was a guy in my old crit group who was extremely blunt. He told the raw truth and in my opinion,these kind of people are the best. Problems seem to arise when the super sensitive meet the super blunt. That's why it's important to specify what kind of crit you prefer. But if you only want praise and not the truth,then you aren't going to get the help you need.
3.You have to separate your feelings from your work. I know that is hard. But it must be done so you can see where things need improvement.
When someone gives an honest and constructive critique,don't act they are the bully that slapped you when you were a child and go all HAM on them. My query letter was critiqued by a member here. She ripped it apart and told me what worked and what didn't. I took her advice and that new query has gotten me requests for partials. From what I've seen,people on AW aren't deliberately mean. But they aren't going to hold your hand,either.
Without the marvelous resource that is AW,I wouldn't know how to format properly,write a decent query,or basically know anything about the publishing process.
Last edited:
- Status