A Life of Crime and Chocolate

Sending hugs your way, liz.

Here's to Docs who actually listen!

Glad to hear you're feeling more settled, Liz.

So what's everyone up to at the moment?

I'm off to a three-day training session with work this week. It's a massive break and I'm very lucky to be able to go, but ack, having to be "on" with the most senior people in the company for three days straight - including mandatory evening events - is going to be a marathon. Fortunately I've made plans for the Friday night so I can escape and chill out...

How about you?

This morning contained PIE. So, you know, things are going fairly well.

hj, I think the kids would like to take up the art of the sword and practice at night in front of the curtained windows to ward of any idiot would-be thieves.

osg, may you have a very successful "on" time with the senior peoples at the training session, and an even more successful escape.

hey folks really need to get into the habit of posting here more haha

But anywho, I've started back at university and i've remembered just how hectic but this year? it feels like a good hectic and i actually feel as if i fit in. Last year, my first year, I never really felt like I did so this year feels a lot better in that regard and I don't feel as if i'm about to have a panic attack before every class - which is never a great feeling but, thankfully, i've not felt that this trimester.

It's weird that after such a horrible summer with 'friends' turning out to be anything but, that i'm feeling much more (dare i say it) confident these days which is VERY rare. I'm even surprising myself right now and may hopefully have secured my first (and fairly big too) interview for this music blog i've been slowly setting up. What's also weird is that I went out of my way to try to get this to happen - something that i would never have done, say, a year ago. Buy hey - I'm not complaining and I'm feeling a lot happier of late so that's good

Hope everyone is doing well too

heyjude said:

Someone tried (and failed, thanks to my 12-year-old daughter) to break into my house.

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Details, jude. At the moment, in my mind your daughter is Batman. ("flee, criminal scum!" )

IAMWRITER said:

I'm feeling a lot happier of late so that's good

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That IS good. Glad to hear from you, Iam!


Well, I survived, but I could have done with some of Namatu's pie. I was horrendously out of my depth at points, feeling pretty down about that, and at the end of the course they assembled the whole group and asked us all to turn to our neighbour and say what we'd learned and what we were going to do on Monday. And sitting down in the empty seat right next to me was the Chief Exec. I could have died.

Talking about it after with some friends it was suggested that in all likelihood a lot of the senior management would have felt similarly at sea, that everyone but a small minority also worry and panic about this stuff. I'm not sure that's all that comforting, since it would mean that everyone in that room is exceptionally good at lying. But then I lied my arse off to the Chief Exec - inasmuch that I understated how bad I thought it had gone; that is, I said it was "challenging"; and overstated how positive I felt about it; i.e. I said I had "a lot of thinking to do" rather than "I'm considering it a minor miracle that I'm not throwing up right now". So maybe I'm not that different.

ANYWAY. I went to a rather stonking gig with my wife on the weekend, which was exactly the relaxation I needed, and I'm reading a great book (), so things could be worse. Back into the daily grind now, and I'm pretty sure I would have heard down the line by now if I'd really screwed up with the CEO, so that's a good thing?!

heyjude said:

Well, she is pretty skilled at MMA, but no, she just happened to be up in the middle of the night in the bathroom and overheard two guys talking about how to get in. Smart girl, she came straight to me, turning lights on. They were gone by the time we went outside, and we may or may not have spread rumors around the neighborhood that we are "armed to the teeth."

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*chatting to friends*
*stranger walks past*
"-- OH YEAH, THE NEW FLAMETHROWERS HAVE BEEN WORKING GREAT. UP TO MY ELBOWS IN TOASTED RACCOONS --"

Nothing fixes things quite like a good book!

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Quoted for truth!

Hello, kind people. Just an update, because I'm madder than a wet hen right now.

I saw a GI guy this morning. Waited three weeks for this appointment. He spent about 2 minutes with me. The "exam" consisted of his pushing at my belly through my clothes while I was sitting cross-legged in a chair. He then told me "anxious people" often have a lower pain threshold and are bothered by things that most of us ignore.

You know what's most interesting about that? I hadn't mentioned anxiety at all. Kind of difficult not to conclude that he saw a 51-year-old woman with no family history, and decided I was some silly, hysterical old lady.

Look, I've been a hypochondriac most of my life. I know what being oversensitive to ordinary symptoms feels like, and this is not that. I may be reacting disproportionately, but I am not making this up. FFS.

Damn, but I am angry.

Bloody hell.

onesecondglance said:

Bloody hell.

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QFT.

I called my GP for a referral to a different place for the colonoscopy that I'm due for anyway. I will not go back to these people.

You know, I haven't minded the invisibility thing that happens as I get older. It's kind of nice not getting gawked at anymore. But being dismissed like this? I have been ill for four f*****g months and apparently it's not "real" unless it gets painful enough to drive me to the ER.

Maybe I'll just Eat All The Things for a few days, and see if I get sick enough for someone to listen.

I'm sorry you're going through this, liz. It's no fun being dismissed when you know something is wrong with you. Here's hoping you're referred to a doc who actually listens to you.

Thank you, muse.

I'm going to call my GP on Monday and see if I can have a chat with him before I get a referral. One big concern I have is that one of the conditions that fits my symptoms can make colonoscopy a more risky procedure, so I'd really like to talk to a GI doc who will listen to me before I go ahead and have the invasive test. If I find someone who listens and they tell me I shouldn't worry, I'll believe them. This guy today dismissed everything I had to say in favor of pushing the procedure.

Was thinking about it, and it actually reminds me of what happened before I got pregnant with our daughter. Because I was Officially Old (39), I was advised to have a pack of fertility tests before we even started trying. The tests all showed good things, but the doctor who went over the results with us brushed that off and spend half an hour discussing our financing options for IVF. Which we didn't know we'd need (and which we ultimately didn't). And when we tried to ask clarifying questions, he got very short with us about being "interrupted."

Yeah, I think I can do better than this doctor I saw today.

How awful, Liz -- I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this! It's bad enough to be sick without having a doctor treat you in such a disrespectful way. I'm hoping your GP can send you to some who's better in both departments, medical and personal.

Thanks, you guys. Hj, I'll let you know on the burying issue. The more I reflect, the more appalled I am at how I was treated, and the angrier I am with myself for not pushing back harder in the moment. When it became apparent he wasn't listenng, I went into "whatever I have to do to gtf out of here as fast as possible" mode. I should have raised hell.

Pretty much fighting despair today. Helps, strangely enough, to have The Kid for whom I put on a happy face. Otherwise I think I'd just curl up and be non-functional.

heyjude said:

Oh, Liz, that's maddening. If you need help hiding any bodies, well... Namatu and muse and I are theoretically very good at it.

Theoretically.

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Don't forget, Liz, that there are online doctor rating sites (this article lists a few) that you can use to share your experiences with others. Sometimes an honest review is the best way of getting back.

lizmonster said:

Thanks, you guys. Hj, I'll let you know on the burying issue.

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The goal is not to have much to bury. Do you know how much decomposing bodies fertilize the ground? We don't want any signs like that to even suggest something happened.

If you can get something to explode out of your insides, then you might find someone to listen. Because women are notorious for making a fuss over every little twinge. We just want some attention, you know? Someone to pat us on the head and tell us where we're thinking wrongly.

I'm sorry. I think my sarcasm up is overfull today.

Unfortunately, not many alligators to be found here in N. Ireland. *Puts on thinking hat*

As I understand it, if I want someone disappeared, the best thing to do is lure them to Australia. I believe you run into more deadly fauna on the walk from the luggage carousel to the taxi stand than you do in the deepest wildernesses in the US.

And yes, I FIRED THAT DOCTOR. Did not vent my spleen, about which I am mildly regretful; but still. No longer my problem.

You guys are the best. If I ever need to get rid of anyone, I know who to turn to.

lizmonster said:

As I understand it, if I want someone disappeared, the best thing to do is lure them to Australia. I believe you run into more deadly fauna on the walk from the luggage carousel to the taxi stand than you do in the deepest wildernesses in the US.

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Pretty sure this is true.

And yes, I FIRED THAT DOCTOR. Did not vent my spleen, about which I am mildly regretful; but still. No longer my problem.

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Yay! Good riddance!

Today I consumed chocolate before 10 am. And it was good.