Hardest Question to Answer

My answers:

What's your book about? Sex and monsters and how Jesus was actually married.

Where do you get your ideas? I get many ideas from NPR. Become a member NOW!

Why do you talk to yourself in the shower? I don't, silly. I sing show tunes.

Why haven't you sold a book yet? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

What's wrong with you? I'm too polite to walk away from your sprawled corpse, blowing the smoke from my Derringer. Working on that, though.

Do you think this is a useful way to spend your time? Nah. If I only had your gumption, I too would spend half my life watching Hillbilly Handfishing.

Do you think you're going to make boat loads of money? I was considering a couple of Nimitz-class aircraft carriers, you know, just for my spare change.

Why do you write? Because that's what I do best. And you? How's the breathing thing going?

Libbie said:

"Why haven't you sold a book yet?"

Next time somebody asks me that, I'm going to punch them in the fucking face.

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What she said.

seun said:

What she said.

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I tend to punch people in the face anyway. You know, pre-emptively.

scarletpeaches said:

I tend to punch people in the face anyway. You know, pre-emptively.

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This is why you are feared far and wide.

"Want to help me write my life story?" is my stumper. How do you let people down easily?

The "Where do you get your ideas?" is easy (Harlan Ellison sends me his leftover ideas, a fresh batch each week) and "Why do you write?" isn't too tough, either (Harlan Ellison tells me, if I don't use his leftover ideas promptly, I'm in big trouble).

But I've had three different people ask me to write their biography -- and we'd split the profits -- because they've lived such fascinating lives. If any of them was famous...or fascinating...it would be so much easier....

For years Harlan Ellison answered the "where do you get your ideas" question by telling people that there's an idea service in Schenectady, New York, and that once a month he sent them 25 bucks and got a fresh six-pack of ideas. He claimed that every time he said this at a lecture he'd have people come up afterwards and ask for the address.

"Why do you write?" is an easy one.

If you hear the voices of people who don't exist, you're assumed insane. If you transcribe those voices, you get to call yourself a writer.

Writing is cheaper than therapy.