Teens Writing for Teens, the 5th

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Zoealea

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I have all of Maureen's books but I don't want to bring all of them (because she has 9 books). I can't decide which ones to bring.

I'm also debating wearing a skirt tonight. Because it's rainy so I can't wear shorts- and I don't feel like wearing jeans.

And yeah, it's incredibly stupid. And frustrating because the people who are posting stupid pictures are generally nice people (I used to be best friends with one of them in elementary school).
 

lisalulu09

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Guys, I want you to tell me if this part of the scene I was writing yesterday feels as awkward as I think it is -- I want the reader to feel that Carla is feeling awkward.

Carla didn't know what the hell she was supposed to do. She didn't want to be bitch slapped, but she didn't want to flirt with boys that she wasn't interested in either. She stood there for a moment, awkwardly looking around, trying not to make eye contact with anyone.

She failed. Five minutes later, a boy with blond hair and grass green eyes came over.

"Hello," he smiled. She had to admit she had a cute smile.

"Hello," she smiled back.

"I'm Jason."

"I'm Carla."

There was an awkward moment of silence between them. She stared at his clothes. The fact that he was dressed like a chav didn't appeal to her, even if he had a really cute smile.

The music changed to a slower R'n'B ballad type song.

"Do you want to do some bumping and grinding?" he asked.

"Erm..." She was tempted to say no, but then she spotted Sarah watching them and remembered what she had said. She really didn't want to be bitch slapped. "Yeah, okay."

"Great." He grinned and she grinned back, not knowing why.

They joined the crowd. She spotted Sarah and Victoria grinning at her and grinned back.

"This one is for all the couples out there!" the DJ yelled into the crowd.

The song changed to a really slow, disgustingly soppy urban love song. Carla closed her eyes as the DJ turned the volume up and Jason put his hands on her waist, pulling her closer to him. He bent his head so that his breath tickled her ear and neck. "Are you liking this?"

"Yes," she lied.

"Good." His voice had got husky. "We could make some sweet, sweet music, do you know that?" One of his hands moved to her bum and squeezed it. The music changed back to the upbeat music that had been playing before. "Come on, let's go outside and show the stars outside that we can shine just as much as they can."

Carla's heart started beating like crazy as he took her hand and lead her through the crowd, through the kitchen, and into the small, empty garden. Carla could still hear the music playing and wished she was inside, in a corner, drinking by herself.

"You're beautiful, do you know that?" Jason smiled, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

She blushed. "No one's ever called me beautiful before," she confessed.

"Really?" His arm wrapped around her shoulders.

"Really."

"Well, my only answer to that is that most guys are either really blind or really stupid." His eyes had softened. He bit his lip. He leant down. Stars seem to flash in his eyes. His lips nearly touched hers…

She buckled. Blood pounded through her system. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

Jason let go of her. “Why not?”

“I just can’t.”

And with that, she ran to the gate and out into the empty street, before making her way home.

It's a bit long, but... opinions, please. :)
 

Taylor_Writes

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I can't believe that people my age are getting drunk. At thirteen. And they say that at least they're living life.

My Facebook is currently very interesting. Full of drama. Better thanTV ;)
 

Zoealea

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*sigh* I found half of an outfit to wear that involves a skirt. But I can't find a shirt. I think I'll be stuck wearing pants.
I think I'm slowly morphing into one of those people who only wear skirts and dresses. Which is weird because I have hated wearing skirts and dresses since I was like 6.
 

nevermore-nightshade

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Jeans for the win. I couldn't agree more.
I could definitely feel the awkwardness in your excerpt. I liked how Carla kind of wanted to...but didn't...but did anyway...then didn't...etc. Made me cringe, in the best way possible.
 

lvae

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Lisa- the feeling is conveyed well, and your writing is good :) there could be a bit more showing here though. I can definitely sense awkwardness, but you could totally amp it up. Like when she grins back and doesn't know why, describe how she feels her lips stretch up instead.
Also, inject some humor in this? Some of what he says is really lame. It'd be fun to acknowledge it, even if she's nervous.

Grrr americanising auto-corrects! Let me have my ous and s instead of zs!
 

Kyla Laufreyson

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School day...be over now...I'm begging you. (I do not want to ever take classes this late again).
 

Kyla Laufreyson

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Holy crap, dead thread is dead.

My ballet collection of novels keeps getting more and more interesting to me. I love it.
 

Bookgirl2021

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Hello, thread, how are you? ... :e2poke: .... Dead? That's no good. When that happens, a Doctor must be called! :tongue

tumblr_lrdzb1IZgq1qlaudx.jpg
 

amlptj

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Oh that sucks, yeah that happens here all the freaking time with my colleges crappy internet
 

Bookgirl2021

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Sorry I'm not very talkative (especially after I poked). I just have homework that I really don't want to do. :( How's everybody else doing?
 

Zoealea

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I have loads of homework to do, and if I don't do some tonight I'll be stuck doing it all tomorrow. But for some reason I'm still procrastinating.
 

Kyla Laufreyson

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I'm doing okay. I came up with my fourth ballet novel, but...I'm mostly confused at the moment because I can't figure out if one of my friends was flirting with me earlier or not.
 

amlptj

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Hello, just came back from watching The Big Bang Theory for the first time in my life... WOW it was awesome!!!

The sad part about it, is how i probably understood like 95% of all the science talk and jargon they refer too.... wow i'm such a geek sometimes its unbelievable.
 

Bookgirl2021

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I'm so beyond ready to crash, but I have one more assignment I have to do for my class in eight hours. *sigh*

ETA And I'm a page short, and totally BSed it, but oh well. I'm dead tired and still have some stuff I have to do around the house before going to bed, and I'm sick of this class anyway. And with that, I bid you all adieu.
 
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Ivi942

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Lisa, about your scene - Oh god, I'd choose the bitch slap O_O This set off all of my warning bells... I can't deal with boys this forward, especially if they're unfamiliar xD
 

lisalulu09

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Thanks for the comments guys. :)

Tally -- what did you mean by endgame?
 
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