Teens Writing for Teens, the 5th

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Taylor_Writes

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Hey guys!

Managed to get myself a signed copy of The Fault in Our Stars today, and I didn't even preorder the book. :tongue

I had the choice of a green or pink signature, and I chose the green, seeing how his last name is Green and all :tongue
 

Elysium

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Rough as in how? Grammar wise?

Please elaborate, i really want to make this better. I suck at kissing scenes?

The sentences could be a little tighter. I'm also a visual person (so take my advice with a grain of salt) which means that I like really experience what the character is going through, every emotion, feeling etc. The scene is written well but I think it needs to happen a little slower. Haha...I just really love kissing scenes but honestly this is a good start. Just work with it a little. :)
 

amlptj

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Thank you very much for the advice!

ETA: Ironically i hit 400 pages on the dot as they jump off the cliff.
 

amlptj

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I'm so excited i can taste the ending practically!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH I'm so close to it!!!!
 

amlptj

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Looks like i killed the thread! OH NO!!!!

Anyone still on?
 

amlptj

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Sorry!

I know what its like. Been there before. Had one roommate that when her boyfriend came over i knew i should just go to my friends apartment!
 

KarlaErikaCal

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Aww that sucks, HR.

YAY ALLY for almost being done!

I was watching the Bulls game and we won! Not surprised, we're #1 in the League. I'm a die-hard Bulls fan. Basketball is my fave sport. Which is why I made my MC in my first ever book a basketball player. His name is Kyle Brewer. I reused his name for LS when I trunked that novel. In LS Kyle is a b-ball player too lol
 

amlptj

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Hey guys another personal opinion sort of thing. Does this tare at your heartstings or should i add in more horrible things he did to her.

So Evy just found out that Matty, the boy she fell in love with in Nesia, is actually Connor Tate the boy who ruined her life on a daily basis.

I needed to run. I couldn’t breath, I was gasping for air that wouldn’t enter my lungs. The whole world seemed to shake. I couldn’t hear what anyone was yelling at me, I just had to run. I pushed past my mom and Dad and ran out of the court room. I didn’t stop running. This wasn’t true, I couldn’t be true. The sound of Connor’s laughter as he stuck gum in my hair last year filled my ears. No! NO! It couldn’t be. I found and bathroom sign and ran in. Locking the stall door behind me I sat rocking back and forth. The flood gates opened, as I realized what I had done. I’d saved the kid who poured milk on my head from danger. I’d cut a Fairy Nat from the stomach of the boy who tripped me down the steps and broke my arm. I’d given CPR, to the boy who superglued my hair to the back of my seat once. I’d kissed the boy who told me once that I’d die alone in a house full of cats because I was a fugly prude.
 

KarlaErikaCal

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It definitely works as it is, Ally. I feel so bad for Evy :(
 

amlptj

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You should feel worst for Matty/Connor after what she does to him! Heheheheeh!
 

KarlaErikaCal

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I'm not sure I like rooting for Matty up until the end when you find out who he really is. Not unless he changes. It's too big of a disappointment for me, imo. Just my two cents.
 

amlptj

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He does change.

What happenes from this point on:
1) Connor has to tell the court what he and his friends did to Evy, in the events up until they crashed into her car.

2) Connor keeps trying to talk to Evy, but she keeps running away during school.

3) Third day of school Tory (Evy other bully and Connor's now x-girlfriend but Evy doesnt know that) and her lackies pins her in the locker room of her school, and harasses her as always. Evy doesn't even her her words instead once she comes close enough, she punches her in the face. Tory thrown back threathens to tell a teacher, when Evy reminds her what it will sound like to her she just got her ass handed to her by Evelyn Meyers the nerd of the school.

4) Connor finally corners Evy to talk to her. Evy has now come to believe the entire adventure had to have been a dream. That Matty was never real and her brain just kind of inserted Dream Matty with Connors face because he was the last person she saw before the crash.

So as Connor corners her he puts his hand in her locker. She sees an opportunity. She backs away and slams the locker shut on his hand with all her might. He's a baseball pitcher... and his hand just snaps. As he's crying in pain and gets his hand out of the locker he goes to grab her so she turns around with her heavy AP Bio text book and smacks him in the face with it like its a baseball bat. His nose breaks. The WHOLE SCHOOL sees! Well not the whole school but most.

Although as she walks away he says something "I thought it was you for me and me for you!" A saying that only one person knows Matty!

Now Evy doesnt know what to believe. It end with Connor leaving a note on her bedroom window. She looks out and he's paying the guitar outside of her house. Singing her favorite song. Then long winded speech about how much he's changed and how he'd lose everything for her. Then he finishes with "I only want to be your Matty again"

Kiss scene and the end.
 

amlptj

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Thanks! Now i just need to figure out what Seniors in highschool could do for a group project...
 

amlptj

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After thee and a half month... At 5:32am I Finished it!

The Amnesia Journey, YA Fantasy, clocking in at 134,623 words IS DONE!!!

The official 10th book I've finished now!!!

:hooray: :banana: :Guitar: :Trophy: :PartySmil :TheWave: :e2cloud9: :e2headban :fistpump :yessmiley :e2bear: :e2woo: :snoopy:
 
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