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Thread: Seeking humorous non-fiction about poop. Yes poop. [token advance, royalties]

  1. #1
    Author of Dark Speculative Fiction gcalcaterra's Avatar
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    Seeking humorous non-fiction about poop. Yes poop. [token advance, royalties]

    This Book is Sh*t!
    A Collection of Hilarious True-life Stories and Essays About Shit, Complete with Corn

    Edited by Garrett Calcaterra

    Seeking humorous essays, articles, and true-life stories having to do with shit. Shitting at work, pants shitting, shitting etiquette, philosophical musings on shit... if it's funny submit it. No coprophilia or sexual content please. Poop is funny, not sexy. Terms to be negotiated once we have a publisher lined up. Agents are currently reviewing the proposal. In all likelihood, contributors will receive a token advance, and royalties if/when the book sells well.

    e-mail submissions to gcalcaterra@gmail.com

    About the editor:

    Garrett Calcaterra is author of the horror novel Umbral Visions and co-author of the fantasy novel The Roads to Baldairn Motte. He has pubished dozens of short stories, and his short non-fiction has appeared in Writers' Journal, M&S Retailer, Impose Magazine, and Dirtcakes. As a freelance writer/editor he has edited and ghost written three books, including a successfully published memoir.
    Last edited by gcalcaterra; 05-08-2011 at 07:33 AM. Reason: forgot to include payrate
    -----------------------
    Garrett Calcaterra
    author of dark speculative fiction
    www.garrettcalcaterra.com

  2. #2
    Fantastic! zegota's Avatar
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    I don't want to be critical, but this is a really shitty lead.
    Matthew Borgard

    Check out my Website/blog for essays, reviews and original fiction! Also Twitter, Facebook and Google+.

    We Are Not The Favored Children - Dark Tales of Lost Civilizations, Dark Moon Books (Antho nominated for a 2012 Stoker!)

    The Boy and the Nymph - Timeless, Cool Well Press.

  3. #3
    figuring it all out Mr. House's Avatar
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    I'm honestly tempted to submit something to this as I have a couple of sad but humorous stories about poop.

    I have only one question: why do you want poop stories?

  4. #4
    Author of Dark Speculative Fiction gcalcaterra's Avatar
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    Because, like farts, poop is funny. It's one of those things that's intensely private during the deed, but afterwards is fodder for some of funniest stories we tell friends. The finished book will make both a great gift book (think impulse purchases at book stores) and an engrossing literary anthology for those with a warped sense of humor.
    -----------------------
    Garrett Calcaterra
    author of dark speculative fiction
    www.garrettcalcaterra.com

  5. #5
    practical experience, FTW Invincibility's Avatar
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    This is the most amazing thing.

  6. #6
    figuring it all out
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    My brother would love this book.!!

  7. #7
    Banned
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  8. #8
    figuring it all out
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    Now my question:

    Does it have to be a first person experience?

    For example:

    I was just recently told a story about a... gentleman that, after drinking too much, crapped on the living room floor at a friend's house in the middle of the night...... after walking to the bathroom to retrieve toilet paper.
    "The noir hero is a knight in blood caked armor. He's dirty and he does his best to deny the fact that he's a hero the whole time." - Frank Miller

    I am no stranger to the broken ankles caused by the cracked foundation of self-loathing.

  9. #9
    Author of Dark Speculative Fiction gcalcaterra's Avatar
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    It does not need to be first person. The only requirement is that it's non-fiction, and that it's funny. Like with most good non-fiction, many of the best pieces I've accepted are less about the actual narrative and more about the editorialization and poignant insights the writer makes.
    -----------------------
    Garrett Calcaterra
    author of dark speculative fiction
    www.garrettcalcaterra.com

  10. #10
    It's a doggy dog world benbradley's Avatar
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    I suppose the euphemistic buzzword (or bookstore subcategory) for this would be "Bathroom Humor." I've heard that phrase before, in reference to a song.

    Did you see the thread over in Politics and Current Events about a postman who ... ? That's a Real Life Story, in the news, even! As you might guess by my comment there, the part I especially found funny was that while he wasn't fired, his route was reassigned.
    Ello.
    NaNoWriMo 2014: Unknown.
    Tweets daily or so.

  11. #11
    figuring it all out bsymom's Avatar
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    Is there any particular word count you are looking for? I do have a slightly amusing story. At least I found it only slightly amusing, everyone else I told the story to thought it was hysterical.

  12. #12
    practical experience, FTW areteus's Avatar
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    Hmmm,I have a potential for this... a true tale about teaching about the digestive system... Could probably get 500 words or so out of it. is that acceptable?

  13. #13
    Author of Dark Speculative Fiction gcalcaterra's Avatar
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    I'm pretty open on word count. The pieces I've accepted so far have ranged between 400 - 2500 words. If it's funny, I want it.
    -----------------------
    Garrett Calcaterra
    author of dark speculative fiction
    www.garrettcalcaterra.com

  14. #14
    Author of Dark Speculative Fiction gcalcaterra's Avatar
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    No hard deadline. Open to submissions until the book is full, but we are getting close. I'd say get whatever you have to me by the end of July to be safe.
    -----------------------
    Garrett Calcaterra
    author of dark speculative fiction
    www.garrettcalcaterra.com

  15. #15
    Professional (Re)Writer
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    Does it have to be human poop? I'm a dog groomer, and let me tell you, I have some hilarious poop stories.
    Latest Blog Post: ORDINARY e-book launch party!
    http://www.uninvoked.com/

  16. #16
    Author of Dark Speculative Fiction gcalcaterra's Avatar
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    Dog poop is great. I have a whole section of the book devoted to pets and kids called "Little Turds"
    -----------------------
    Garrett Calcaterra
    author of dark speculative fiction
    www.garrettcalcaterra.com

  17. #17
    Just another face in a red jumpsuit shelleyo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. House View Post
    I have a couple of sad but humorous stories about poop.
    Is there any other kind?

    Shelley
    "Now, come on, as you guys get older you'll realize people don't mean to be obnoxious, it's just that they're all screwed up inside." -- Joel, MST3K, Gamera

  18. #18
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin
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    I'm game, still accepting? could possibly have something to you in a couple of days....

  19. #19
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin Fulcanelli's Avatar
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    Well, I've got a pretty short story about something that happened me in a Taco Bell, but it's only around 200 words. Would I need to make it longer?

  20. #20
    Author of Dark Speculative Fiction gcalcaterra's Avatar
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    Yes, still accepting subs, and no, 200 words isn't too short, as long as it's good.
    -----------------------
    Garrett Calcaterra
    author of dark speculative fiction
    www.garrettcalcaterra.com

  21. #21
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin bobkeeshanjr's Avatar
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    I don't know about this...I don't know...well I guess it's ok, as long as its tastefully done. Can I use a Pseudonym?

    But then again...I once entered a Hemingway Parody contest and I called my submission "The Old Man and The Constipação".

    Three people I know said "if Shakespeare had done toilet humour then this...this is how he would have written it...".
    but...I didn't win for some unknown reason. So I'm wondering...who is going to give a crap anyways this time around?
    One piece of advice for henchmen in the future;never trust a villain, you might want to write that down.



  22. #22
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin bobkeeshanjr's Avatar
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    Hey Garrett, I sent you another piece for your perusal. Its a Non-fictional/fictional parody on the Submission Guidelines.

    Thanks for the positive feedback you gave me, it was appreciated.
    One piece of advice for henchmen in the future;never trust a villain, you might want to write that down.



  23. #23
    Author of Dark Speculative Fiction gcalcaterra's Avatar
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    You're welcome, Bob. I'll be e-mailing you shortly on the new piece.
    -----------------------
    Garrett Calcaterra
    author of dark speculative fiction
    www.garrettcalcaterra.com

  24. #24
    Author of Dark Speculative Fiction gcalcaterra's Avatar
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    Submissions closed

    I'm no longer taking submissions (unless your name is Bill Bryson, David Sedaris, or Dave Berry, etc.). Thanks to everyone who sent material in for consideration. This baby is edited, proofread, and sailing off to my agent. Long live shit!
    -----------------------
    Garrett Calcaterra
    author of dark speculative fiction
    www.garrettcalcaterra.com

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