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Beta request: YA/Fantasy story

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Phil_Hall

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Hello gang, glad to meet you.

I have a story, YA/Fantasy, that I've whipped into about as much shape as I am able by myself. I even had a handful of people close to me give it the ol' once over; and now I come with it in hand to you!

If you're interested in reading and giving an honest appraisal, please feel free to contact me and I will get back to you with a some samples to see if you're willing to look at the whole thing.

Hope this all works out to a mutual benefit!

Cheers!
Phil
 

Phil_Hall

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In order to help you decide if you want to help or not (you can never have too little information), I'm adding to this thread my synopsis. Maybe this will grab you, maybe not. I look forward to the replies and any offers of assistance.


[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]LOCARNO was envious of vampires, they were elusive, immortal, strong, and powerful. But that was when he was foolish and young; and now, knowing what he knows, they are nothing to him but a plague upon humanity—a disease that needs to be removed. He hates them because of the things they did, and continue to do; and this, his private journal—his memories—left for those who may find and read it, is a living record of the time when his destiny was first intertwined with evil.[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Locarno is a Lich, a form of powerful undead—but unlike vampires, for he does not feed upon the living, rather he is mankind's protector; but he was not always so. There was a time when he was but a boy, learning sorcery at the feet of his GRANDFATHER, a man of potent magic, who is the closest thing to a father-figure in Locarno’s life.[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Prior to his becoming a Lich, Locarno becomes embroiled in a plot of a rogue offshoot of the church, DIES IRAE, who exist to reduce humanity to barbarism by the destruction of civilization, which is believed by them to force God to destroy the world. This plot unfolds before Locarno, ominously, as people who are part of Grandfather's inner circle start dying—one by one.[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Matters are complicated by Locarno's budding, young romance with JULIANA, the only daughter of a wealthy merchant; and the sudden appearance of vampires. It is from this that all things begin to unravel in Locarno's world. SIMM, Juliana’s elder brother, whom always acted oddly, is dramatically abducted by the blood-suckers, and is feared dead—but the truth is far worse.[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Convinced by Juliana, and his desire to protect her from the ravages of the evil that is being perpetrated, to undertake a questionable ritual which would provide everlasting life, Locarno initially has no outward change—it is only when he is later killed that the magic truly takes hold. Rising as a Lich in that moment, he becomes the scourge of the undead, and begins undoing the plot Dies Irae wished to unfurl.[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]The culmination of the scheme against humanity is revealed when the apparent happenstance appearance of the two simultaneous plagues—Dies Irae and the vampires—are found to be one and the same threat.[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]In the end, Locarno is triumphant; but his actions, for all their power, may have only forestalled the inevitable return of Dies Irae and the apocalypse, as Simm, now fully a member of their hideous clan, travels to their stronghold, ostensibly as a form of punishment for his failure to eliminate his assigned target—his family. Simm, finally and symbolically, turns his back on his former life and his sister, whom he had previously protected.[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Steeled to live out his existence with Juliana, Locarno waits, but knows this brief glimpse of heaven will be short-lived, as his daughter—destined to become a dark mistress full of power—is born, bringing the promise of future woe.[/FONT]
 
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BethanyY

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I'd be glad to look at it! If you're still looking for a Beta reader, shoot me a PM. This sounds really interesting. :)
 
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