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Thread: character, remembering dialogue.. please help

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  1. #1
    New Fish; Learning About Thick Skin
    Join Date
    Jul 2010

    character, remembering dialogue.. please help

    i am writing something now and my character is remembering what she said and waht was said to her the night before, i am writing this in in present 3rd person, but she remembering so thats past- a few issues with tense and the quotations... something like this-

    She remembers, being alone, in the crowded pub, the DJ mixing hip hop, RnB and funk, moving the pub in a united rhythm. Her breathing getting fast, muscles tense, jaw flexing. Then she was calling to him from the car park below his flat.

    “I need my bag, its got my medication in it, Jack, throw down my bag. I need my medication.”

    Her memory was broken, big gaps, full of events, just beyond her reach. She was calling up to the window her bag had dropped from.

    “ Your a snitch, I have blown your cover. They tried to shoot me. They tried to shoot me.”

    as you can see i ahve put the dialogue in quotations... is this right? i am not 100% comfatable with this....any advice on that and tenses

    thank you

    Last edited by loxx; 08-02-2010 at 01:28 AM.

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