I still don't understand why it was, that's the thing. And I imagine the judges were thinking the same when they read the sample.
It's the generality of the flaws though, basically what I screwed up were the fundamental elements of good storytelling, every aspect of the novel was badly done. Other than deleting the MS and writing a completely new book, I don't know what to do.
I just feel I wasted their time and should've known better than to submit in the first place. I mean, it's the fact that, as a fairly critical reader and someone who's never believed her work poops rainbows, I didn't see that it was this bad beforehand, that's what worries and really embarrasses me.
I'm gonna say three things. One: Your work was good enough to be shortlisted. Maybe you see everything they mentioned as horrible fatal flaws, but you were better than the majority of people submitting. That might be hard for you to believe right now, but it's true. And you shouldn't be embarrassed that someone saw it. Someone thought enough of you to give you feedback. I say this as someone who has worked with a lot of writers at all levels. When I see someone and offer advice, I don't think, "Wow this person sucks." I see them as someone at a certain stage that I hope will learn from the advice and improve to move up to the next stage. You should be proud that you were shortlisted, not ashamed that someone saw your work, especially when those people are professionals who are trying to help you improve.
Now, two stories. The first is kind of silly, but Namatu read a bit of a story for me once and tore it to shreds (love ya!). At one point she virtually threw it across the room. Obviously that book had pretty big flaws, but a lot of other people had read it and thought it was fine. Her advice helped and I was able to improve it a lot, but trust me, they were tough crits to see. I also saw them for what they were, though: an effort to help me learn and improve. And I did learn, a lot.
The second story hits close to home. I know what you mean about getting caught up in "I suck" and not being able to move on. I stopped writing for a long time after my writing professor gave me some pretty harsh comments. I ended up so insecure that every time I looked at a story, I'd write a page or two, then tear it up convinced it was awful. I had one finished novel I couldn't even begin to edit because I was so caught up in how terrible of a writer I was that I couldn't move on. I get that feeling. I really do.
But after awhile, I started thinking. I had an idea I wanted to write, but was very afraid I'd be unable to do it. So I decided to listen to the criticism that had torn me to pieces before and improve it. Rather than looking at it as evidence that I was terrible, I saw it as something I knew was a problem and could therefore be remedied. I worked my butt off, and it took two books, but my writing has improved enough that I was actually able to get an agent after doing this.
I no longer see that professor's comments as destroying me. Instead they were what helped bring me up a few notches in skill. It's hard to see it that way. I know it's hard, but that's the thing about writing. It's a learned skill. It's not something we're good at overnight, and for some of us it takes a lot of practice and effort to get really good.
Think of these comments as a coach, as someone prodding you to help you improve, not as something to bring you down. If you don't see how you can fix this current story, then put it down and write a new one. The other great thing about writing is that you can always come back to it later. Putting it aside for now isn't the same as throwing it in the trash forever.
Work on a new story and keep in mind what those comments were. Use them as you plan, even if it's just at the back of your mind. You have no idea how much just
knowing your weaknesses will actually help you. I really sucked at plot and dialogue. Plot is still tough for me, but dialogue has become one of my strong suits. But for years I didn't really know that. I mean, I did at the back of my mind, but it took someone actually saying it and pointing it out for me to accept it, and as soon as it was pointed out, I was able to start trying to improve.
Every crit I have gotten has left me feeling that way. When someone points out flaws in my book, even when they're frustrating flaws, most of the time it's something I kind of knew in the back of my mind wasn't working, but just having someone put into words specifically what the problem is can lead me to a solution. And I then remember that with each new project I work on. I know that for my last book my opening was too slow and had issues with pacing. It took a couple of tries but I improved that. Now I know to look for it and I know I have the same issue with the new one, but because I know it's there, I can also fix it myself in the next draft without needing someone else to come along and tell me.
You really have been given a gift, as hard as that is to believe right now. Right now it hurts, and that emotion is hard to overcome, but once you do, you're going to apply those comments and you'll be an even better writer, and then the next time you get critiques, it won't sting as much.
And remember, too, that we're here to help. If you need advice or someone to read a chapter or two or even just someone to help you sort out a solution, you have a whole room of people who would love to help you. You aren't in this alone. We understand what it's like, and we're all rooting for you.