Can women who were raped experience sexual pleasure?

I would google "rape" and "PTSD" - I did some similar research a few months ago and there's a world of information on the aftermath and recovery/treatment. In a nutshell, it is very possible but doesn't generally just 'happen'. The trauma has to be dealt with first, along with trust issues, self-esteem, dealing with flashbacks, etc.

gwendy85 said:

...The easy answer would of course be no, and that rape victims are usually traumatized for life...

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That would be the wrong answer.

The answer is, as it often is, it depends.

IRL, yes, plenty of them can. In fact, some women experience sexual response during a rape, because of the purely physiological aspects. And some women enjoy roleplaying that they are in a nonconsensual sexual situation. (None of these are bad things BTW.) And yes, I would believe a character enjoying sex after a sexual assault. There are all kinds of people in the world! Other than being gentle, supportive, asking before everything he does, I don't know what else a guy is going to do to make his partner feel safe. I think it's more the work that SHE does before thinking about sex to feel good and safe and confident for herself, that will make the situation feel more realistic/natural.

Women have climaxed during rape, but it often just adds fuel to the fire. It adds to their guilt which a rape victim does not need more of. I imagine it would feel like being betrayed by your own body on top of all the horrors of being raped.

I have read reports where some women experienced an orgasism during rape and this causes problems with consentual sexual relationships afterward because the woman feels her body betrayed her, or something along those lines.

Its a very difficult topic for many women and the men in their lives afterwards.

It doesn't matter what people think, there are facts involved--and yes it can happen. But instead of "pleasure" I would say "physical arousal".

It is a lot easier if her new lover does not trigger memories of the rape or rapist in any way.

I have PTSD from a series of rapes of occurred while trapped in a "relationship" from hell. I'm also happily married, and glad to say that the what was done to me has had no effect on intimacy with my husband.

Some people aren't that lucky and do get triggered to some degree while being intimate. The reason it works for me is because my husband, physically, is on the complete opposite end of the spectrum from the perpetrator. His coloring and build are different. He smells different, his voice is different, etc. Most importantly, I feel safe with him. We spent our first 6 months together only holding hands. He was able to sense what made me uncomfortable and respected me enough to not push it. He earned my trust, and being able to feel safe with him more than anything else lets me be with him without bringing past hangups into certain parts of our relationship.

Sorry if that was too much information.

Yes, women can have healthy, happy sexual relationships after suffering a rape.

Women that have been raped can experience sexual pleasure in the future. Of course it depends as each victim is different in their healing process. A lot of it boils down to trust and being able to move forward to a healthy relationship; which many do eventually.

gwendy85 said:

What do you guys think? The easy answer would of course be no, and that rape victims are usually traumatized for life, but I also know of a few who are able to move on with their lives.

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Traumatized? Probably. Changed? Very fucking likely. But, is s/he "usually" going to be anything? It just doesn't work that way.

gwendy85 said:

I have a character who's a rape victim, but it's getting harder for me to write her into a believable scene wherein she is freely able to make love and experience pleasure despite what happened. I've written her lover to be someone gentle, who knows of her past, but re-reading their first sex scene, it didn't come across as believable to me that she would experience pleasure.

What I'm asking is, do you have any suggestions on how the guy can maybe alleviate her fears enough so she could make love to him? What should he do?

Appreciate the input

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I think you have to know your character better before you can know how she might respond, and to what. It's not about his "actions" at this point, because there is no generic response to being raped. If you give a little more information about how the rape is manifesting itself in your character's life, you might get a more helpful response.

Also, how long ago did this occur? What's happened to her since? What is her background? Her support system (before this new guy)? But mostly, what is her temperment since, and how did it change from what it was before?

Lastly, what kind of book is this? Who is your audience? It shouldn't matter, perhaps, but it does.

I had an affair with a married woman who had been ganged raped while in college and it had some long lasting effects on her sexual relationships. Sex with her had to happen at her own pace. I could not place my hands upon her body unless she took my hands and placed them where she wanted them. She would only have sex if she was on top. She had to feel that she could stop at anytime. If at anytime her movement felt restricted she would freak.

gwendy85 said:

I've written her lover to be someone gentle, who knows of her past, but re-reading their first sex scene, it didn't come across as believable to me that she would experience pleasure.

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I'll add my voice to those who are saying that there really is no right, wrong, or predetermined way for anyone to react to a trauma. You can never generalise information from a group of people with shared experiences to one individual.

From a story point of view, you need to figure out why your scene feels uncomfortable to you. My first guess would be that the scene feels like it's happening too quickly.
Have you written enough of the scenes leading up to the bedroom to show that your MC and her partner have a loving and trusting bond?
Have you shown enough of the character of your MC's partner to establish that he is a decent guy and not just pretending to be one?
Have you shown enough of your MC's struggles with what happened to make you feel comfortable showing her being able to overcome it?


If you're feeling too close to the story, then this might be a situation where seeing if beta readers also feel uncomfortable with the scene / timing / pacing is really helpful.

Craig

gwendy85 said:

What I'm asking is, do you have any suggestions on how the guy can maybe alleviate her fears enough so she could make love to him? What should he do?

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Scoody said:

I had an affair with a married woman who had been ganged raped while in college and it had some long lasting effects on her sexual relationships. Sex with her had to happen at her own pace ... If at anytime her movement felt restricted she would freak.

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Based on this, maybe during their first encounter she ties him up. Him allowing her to tie him up is a huge gesture of trust. It puts the power in her hands and may make her feel more comfortable.

Perhaps it could be approached in stages: 1) Series of awkward encounters where she pulls back and can't go through with it. 2) He makes the extra effort to make her feel safe and puts the power in her hands (ex. getting tied up). 3) Trust is built over a long period of time and at some point she doesn't need to tie him up but still needs to be on top and in some sort of control. 4) Finally she learns to trust him so much that she's able to work up to having a relatively standard sexual encounter, even going so far as to allow him to be on top because she does love and trust him so much.

A few people have said that it all depends on her but I disagree. I think a lot of it depends upon how the male character reacts to her. If he's understanding of the trauma she's experienced, sensitive to her feelings, willing to give her the power and control and do things entirely at her pace, not make a big deal if she can't go through with it and just wants to spend the evening cuddling instead, etc. then I think all that would go a long way towards helping her begin the healing process. If he's not the type of person that can be patient and understanding with her then she may never be able to open up to him.

I was raped when I was 19. I'm now, well, tomorrow, I'll be 29. 10 years have passed.

Before my current SO (soon-to-be-husband), I did not really experience any sexual pleasure. Immediately following the rape, after I decided to get out of bed, I gave up. I had been a virgin - now I wasn't. I didn't care anymore about waiting for someone special, so I slept with anyone. I regret a lot of it, but I never felt anything. I was craving the attention more than anything, but as far as physical pleasure? I didn't know you could really get that out of sex.

I think part of it was me - I was scared. Sure, I was sleeping around, but I never opened myself up to any of them. I wasn't in a secure relationship. I was very guarded and put my head outside of the bed while I was having sex. It's hard to explain, but I never had an orgasm.

Then I met my ex-husband, and I thought I was finally enjoying sex. I did, to a degree. But I was still closed up, even though I told him about what happened. I was always self-conscious, and that might have had something to do with how unstable our relationship was.

Now, with my man...it's incredible. I hope other people get to experience what we experience. I really, honestly think a lot of it has to do with our relationship outside of the bedroom. We're open. We both know and always have known where we stand with each other - there's a level of security I've never had (nor has he). He gets me, he doesn't force anything with me, and for the first time ever, I feel completely comfortable. Enough to let loose and enjoy myself for the first time.

I think, for me, I know anyway, that the important part after being raped was being able to find a relationship that I could trust. Find a man I could trust completely without question, a man who understood me and loved me for exactly who I was. With my ex-husband, I tried to be who he wanted me to be. With all the other guys, I was just a good lay. But with my SO now...he knows all my faults and honest-to-God doesn't give a snit. He knows everything that's happened in my past, good and bad, and doesn't judge. For the first time in my life, I'm comfortable being naked with someone even if I just scarfed down a steak and dessert.

To me, that's what I needed to reach full orgasm. Now that I have that, sexual pleasure is not hard to acheive.

gwendy85 said:

What do you guys think? The easy answer would of course be no, and that rape victims are usually traumatized for life, but I also know of a few who are able to move on with their lives.

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From the women I've known, the easy answer is yes. There is a difference between being traumatized and being incapable of feeling sexual pleasure. I have known women who were greatly affected, but they went on to have lives after that.

Going through the unnatural attentions of a step dad, I know that as I reached teen stage I got quite agressive and twisted with my approach (and enjoyment) of sex, just so long as I didn't lose the control, I was happy. Now (at 30, erm, something) the only thing to change is having a hubby who knows when to say to ease of. Sometimes it isn't the doing, but the not doing that gives the greatest sense of enjoyment (and purity, I guess).

But rape victims react differently. Some will find it uncomfortable to be touched, others will go out of their way to be touched. But it's a process which could see either reaction change (I hate my personal space being invaded, to the point I'll cuddle my hubby only when I want and even draw back from my own kids). You may need to reflect that, don't just go for one type of reaction.

gwendy85 said:

What do you guys think? The easy answer would of course be no, and that rape victims are usually traumatized for life, but I also know of a few who are able to move on with their lives.

I have a character who's a rape victim, but it's getting harder for me to write her into a believable scene wherein she is freely able to make love and experience pleasure despite what happened. I've written her lover to be someone gentle, who knows of her past, but re-reading their first sex scene, it didn't come across as believable to me that she would experience pleasure.

What I'm asking is, do you have any suggestions on how the guy can maybe alleviate her fears enough so she could make love to him? What should he do?

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Getting past events like that is purely individual, so it always depends on the woman involved. The three women I know of who were raped (two by strangers, one on a date) have all worked their way through their traumas and have happy, healthy sex lives now. It can happen.

My suggestion for you is to look at the scene you wrote again and think about what, specifically, reads to you as unbelieveable. I'd lay odds that it's actually a few choice words which cast a shadow over the scene for you and with a bit of tweaking, you can have the scene you were shooting for.

It's always possible, and if you use the right words, it'll be fact for your character.

Good luck.

Scoody said:

I had an affair with a married woman who had been ganged raped while in college and it had some long lasting effects on her sexual relationships. Sex with her had to happen at her own pace. I could not place my hands upon her body unless she took my hands and placed them where she wanted them. She would only have sex if she was on top. She had to feel that she could stop at anytime. If at anytime her movement felt restricted she would freak.

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The fact that she was a married woman having an affair probably says a lot about her relationship with men too. Maybe it had nothing to do with her rape, but I believe it probably did.

icerose said:

Women have climaxed during rape, but it often just adds fuel to the fire. It adds to their guilt which a rape victim does not need more of. I imagine it would feel like being betrayed by your own body on top of all the horrors of being raped.

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I know many rape victims who say that this is exactly true, and a hell of a thing to come to terms with.

I have had lovers who were raped, and two of them experienced flashbacks while we were being intimate. In addition to reliving the event, they felt like they let me down and were afraid I'd leave because she couldn't satisfy me. But the drive for sexual pleasure is strong, and these women wanted to be intimate. I learned not to do certain things (different with each), and that certain sex play was off limits (and I'm not talking about BDSM or humiliation; with one it was oral and the other had to have the lights off).

Chris P said:

I know many rape victims who say that this is exactly true, and a hell of a thing to come to terms with.

I have had lovers who were raped, and two of them experienced flashbacks while we were being intimate. In addition to reliving the event, they felt like they let me down and were afraid I'd leave because she couldn't satisfy me. But the drive for sexual pleasure is strong, and these women wanted to be intimate. I learned not to do certain things (different with each), and that certain sex play was off limits (and I'm not talking about BDSM or humiliation; with one it was oral and the other had to have the lights off).

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You know, it's funny. I didn't have any flashbacks with the guys I slept with immediately following the rape. I think I just put myself outside of it all and didn't really think about what was happening b/c it wasn't something I really wanted.

Only when sex went beyond sex and got inimiate did I find myself having flashbacks. I have no idea why that is.

Most of my flashbacks though, are not during sex at all. It's while watching Law and Order, SVU or reading a rape scene or watching one in a movie. Those freak me out, make me shake, make me cry...make me turn it off or close the book.

Alpha Echo said:

You know, it's funny. I didn't have any flashbacks with the guys I slept with immediately following the rape. I think I just put myself outside of it all and didn't really think about what was happening b/c it wasn't something I really wanted.

Only when sex went beyond sex and got inimiate did I find myself having flashbacks. I have no idea why that is.

Most of my flashbacks though, are not during sex at all. It's while watching Law and Order, SVU or reading a rape scene or watching one in a movie. Those freak me out, make me shake, make me cry...make me turn it off or close the book.

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Exact same experiences for an ex of mine.

Didn't keep her from enjoying sex at all, but it did lead to a disconnect between sex and intimacy.