The Line of the Day--NO CRITTING

heyjude

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“Murder,” Dan said, following her out of the bedroom, voice less than steady, “infidelity, treason, attempted kidnapping, and your mind is in the gutter?”
“Hey,” Emma tossed back over her shoulder, “I just followed you there.”
 

kaitie

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“Murder,” Dan said, following her out of the bedroom, voice less than steady, “infidelity, treason, attempted kidnapping, and your mind is in the gutter?”
“Hey,” Emma tossed back over her shoulder, “I just followed you there.”

I'm loving this thread. :)
 

sheadakota

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I love this thread too!

okay- here's mine, not from today but from the last time I worked on my WIP--FYI- Gunner is a dog :)


Jess’s eyes lost focus and he stopped breathing, but Jericho knew the man was still alive and listening to him. Gunner came to Jess’s side, nosed his dying master and whined.
“It’s okay boy, he’s just paying his dues,” Jericho bent over and turned Jess’s face toward him. “Just paying his dues,” he repeated and walked away leaving the man awake, aware and paralyzed for the last few moments of his life.
 

HistorySleuth

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Shea, I wish I knew the part before this! I take it Jess is a bad guy? "awake, aware and paralyzed " I like it, feel bad for the dog though.

My line of the day.

The mass was the usual catholic format. Now if it was a Born Again worship service, Dave would expect Sheila Underwood to jump up and run to the front hysterically asking for forgiveness, to be saved, and Father Bart would whack her on the forehead to cast out her demons -- but no such luck.
 
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kaitie

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It never failed to amaze me how young he could look. Maybe I was just getting older. Maybe all fifteen-year-olds would look that way to me now, like babies hardly fit for high school, but something about that unruly hair of his, longer than most self-respecting mothers would have allowed it to become, and the way he curls up, the roundness in his features, have somehow always made him look closer to twelve. Only sometimes, those times when he looks directly at you, those moments when you accidentally forget and look into those eyes, do you see that ghost floating around inside of him like a century-old specter clinging to the past.

Not today's, and much longer than a line, but I'm giving a reread to the opening chapters and discovered this and I had forgotten about it.

HistorySleuth, I loves your line haha.
 
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HistorySleuth

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Kaitie, really great character description. I so hate when I read something and it says, "He was tall with dark hair and blue eyes." You captured the inside as well as the outside.
 

kaitie

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What's funny is that I normally hate writing them. This narrator is also incredibly telly in his descriptions of people, and yet those are probably my favorite bits.
 

sheadakota

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Katie and history- really excellent- History, growing up catholic- I can so relate!

Katie, as already mentioned- wow fantastic charater description- Nice!

Oh and History- actually poor Jess is innocent, Jericho is my bad guy (His poor wittle mind broke and he is systimaticaly killing off everyone he is convinced had anything to do with his wife's death)
 

kaitie

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What's kind of funny is I didn't expect people to like it much and figured I'd have to change it. I was trying to figure out if I was mixing metaphors or not. :tongue
 

sheadakota

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What's kind of funny is I didn't expect people to like it much and figured I'd have to change it. I was trying to figure out if I was mixing metaphors or not. :tongue
Oh- I don't think so at all- I paticularly like the last line- verryyy nice-
 

HistorySleuth

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Kaitie - IMO I think you should leave it too. I thought it flowed great. It was very descriptive without being an obvious character description. I guess I mean I am more apt to remember that as I read further along in the story, because of the way you wrote it then I would have if you told me he was a spooky looking 15 yr old with messy hair. It's memorable. Probably one of those moments I would stop when I'm reading and think, "Wow. That was really good."

(I may not have all the rules of writing fiction down, but I consider myself a professional reader. ;) )
 

Alpha Echo

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Wow, you guys are good. I haven't actually started my crime novel, but I'm researching and gathering information and ideas, developing my characters.

But here we go. The opening line.

Killing him wasn't the hard part. It was the planning that posed a challenge. She'd always known exactly how she would do it, and gathering materials she needed wasn't impossible. She wanted him to die knowing she was his killer. She had to make him aware of the actions that had let to that point. For that, she had to wait, and waiting was the hard part.
 

kaitie

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Nice opening. :) I'd definitely want to keep reading. :)
 

Alpha Echo

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Awesome, thanks Kaitie!

I just need to finish my current WIP. Almost there...
 

Alpha Echo

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Thanks! :) Hopefully once I get to writing it, the rest will be as inticing!
 

kaitie

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Still rereading, but came across one today that made me smile. It's one of those makes more sense in context things, but basically Cody's just come in and taken his mask off to find his publicity agent has been let (without his permission) into their headquarters, so the dude sees him without his mask. Cody starts to reach for it to put it on again, but stops because he basically realizes it's already too late. Harper is the mind-reader, btw.

Cody recovered quickly, his almost-actions so subtle the only other person in the room who probably picked up on them was Harper, and she cheats.
 

HistorySleuth

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Pepper (CSI) is telling Dave (The reporter & MC who is hanging with her for reasons already explained in the story) what was found at the scene. Dave can be a smart ass at times.

"Not much was left―some nails, a hinge, splinters of wood that matched pieces chipped off of the coffins themselves―but nothing useful.”

“What no cigarette butts? Gee, on TV they always find cigarette butts.”

She talks about other things found at the scene previous to the sentences but I didn't put all that in the post.
 

kaitie

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I love smart asses. :D That's a fun line haha. The more you give the more I want to read your book.
 

Good Word

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Okay, here's one from mine (the first draft that is resting comfortably in my drawer):

Gunther Robard was hauling ass up the spiritual ladder of success.
 

HistorySleuth

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Okay, here's one from mine (the first draft that is resting comfortably in my drawer):

Gunther Robard was hauling ass up the spiritual ladder of success.

Now that is a good line.

Tors said:
In the two weeks William and George King had been in Stamford they had sorted a house to base themselves from, and registration at Austen’s School. They are not here for an education though, their target is a girl named Elizabeth Lewis.

Poor Liz, the target is set right out of the gate. I can see she is going to be a busy gal from the get go! Heck, your signature is a good line of the day!

Love this thread, seeing what people come up with.
 
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bigb

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More than a line, from a new story I'm working on that takes place in the 1920's. My MC looking for a victim



Olivia had no taste for opium, but knew there would be plenty of men to pick from a couple blocks away in Chinatown. Opium was illegal like alcohol and Chinese businessmen took advantage of back rooms and basements similar to a speakeasy. She occasionally would take a woman, a flapper like herself but didn’t gain the same satisfaction. Girls are best for dancing and sex, she thought to herself walking to 15 cent street where the dragon was known to lurk in the backroom of Sing Fat Laundry.