Lately, I've been kind of self-conscious about how my dysphoria interacts with my weight. That is, I worry sometimes that I really just want to be thin and that being so uncomfortable with my chest and curves is just symptomatic of that. But the thing is, I might never be "thin" and even at a healthy weight, I know I'm not going to be flat-chested or have a masculine figure. And I know that weight and musculature can definitely affect gender dysphoria. But it's hard to separate the two sometimes, and I feel like a fraud because if I had a very androgynous, flat-chested woman's body, I'd probably be fine with that.
Fat distribution is one of the most obvious markers of gender, so it's no surprise at all if your weight makes you dysphoric.
That's exactly what started the realization process for me the most. I'd gained a lot of weight, and I absolutely hated how my fat distribution made me look more male. Whenever I talked about wanting to lose weight, my father made a point to say how he thought I looked "good" how it made me look more masculine, and ugh, I hated every moment of it.
I started losing weight at the beginning of 2015 with the goal of looking more androgynous and being able to wear girl clothes again, and by the end of the year, I knew I needed to transition.
Just seeing my silhouette in the mirror, with the fat at the hips and defined waist makes me so happy now. I don't care at all if I have a little belly, because it's a girl belly.
Whether you want to transition further or not, there's nothing wrong with wanting to look more androgynous, and fat distribution can be a huge factor in preventing that.