At first I read that as "artificial vaginal scent" and thought "why the heck would they make a prosthetic penis smell like a vagina??"
Eep!
The "T" Party.
- Thread starter Diana Hignutt
- Start date
At first I read that as "artificial vaginal scent" and thought "why the heck would they make a prosthetic penis smell like a vagina??"
Eep!
Just got out of the Against Me! concert in Chicago. I've never seen so many trans women in one place!
Awesome!
I have to say that "Two Coffins" is one of only like 3 songs that have made me cry since starting testosterone. Sometimes I sing it to my cat while I bawl.
Are you familiar with G.L.O.S.S.? (Girls Living Outside Society's Shit) I crank the volume on them whenever I'm in turmoil over cis bullshit.
This is totally an x-post with my running thread, but...
Trans runner Amelia Gapin appears on the cover of next month's issue of Women's Running. I've been following her blog for a while now. She's the first trans woman to appear on the cover of a women's fitness magazine, ever, so this is pretty cool.
I totally need to pick up a copy now.
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I love that one. I wish they'd played it live.
I've heard of them, but haven't given them a listen yet. I need to do that.
How long did it take your family to adjust to new pronouns? The frequent misgendering is getting tiring.
They're doing better with my name, but are having more difficulty with the pronouns. I wish they'd help correcting each other, too. I feel like I'm the only one doing the correcting.
We've been on a family vacation/staycation for the last two weeks, and it's mostly been great, but I'm tired of hearing "he".
I broke down crying to my brother and sister-in-law last week, and although they've been supportive, I guess they just really can't understand how hurtful it all is, so I just asked them to stop trying to make me feel better (because they were only making it worse) and cried myself to sleep.
My father is surprised when I'm gendered female by strangers. My mother still refuses to use my name or any pronouns for me at all.
At least I got some nice photos out of the Chicago trips. Enough to update all my online profiles. My Facebook goes female tomorrow.
They're doing better with my name, but are having more difficulty with the pronouns. I wish they'd help correcting each other, too. I feel like I'm the only one doing the correcting.
We've been on a family vacation/staycation for the last two weeks, and it's mostly been great, but I'm tired of hearing "he".
I broke down crying to my brother and sister-in-law last week, and although they've been supportive, I guess they just really can't understand how hurtful it all is, so I just asked them to stop trying to make me feel better (because they were only making it worse) and cried myself to sleep.
My father is surprised when I'm gendered female by strangers. My mother still refuses to use my name or any pronouns for me at all.
At least I got some nice photos out of the Chicago trips. Enough to update all my online profiles. My Facebook goes female tomorrow.
Ooh, share a link to the female Facebook? When Kid Two transitioned, she didn't use her real surname, as she feared it would affect her job hunt. (Our last name ends in -son and she used -dottir.)
I hate to bring bad news, but at more than two years out, I still fuck up pronouns on occasion, and wince on her behalf. I hope you--and she--will see that people are not trying to hurt you but have twenty-some years of the other pronoun to overcome, as well as twenty-some years of thinking of you as male. The transition goes way faster for you than for others, I'm afraid, especially people you don't see daily.
Still, I ache knowing you cried yourself to sleep.
I hate to bring bad news, but at more than two years out, I still fuck up pronouns on occasion, and wince on her behalf. I hope you--and she--will see that people are not trying to hurt you but have twenty-some years of the other pronoun to overcome, as well as twenty-some years of thinking of you as male. The transition goes way faster for you than for others, I'm afraid, especially people you don't see daily.
Still, I ache knowing you cried yourself to sleep.
It's not the small mistakes and quick corrections that bother me so much. It's when my father groans after I correct him, or acts confused like he didn't use a pronoun at all, or says how I should appreciate that he's trying at all. It's when my mother is about to say my name or use a pronoun for me and stops herself and rewords her sentences in convoluted ways to avoid referring to me at all rather than refer to me as female. It's when she stops doing this and just flagrantly misgenders me when she thinks I can't hear and no one corrects her. It's when they make me feel like I'm only gendered correctly thanks to the charity of others rather than out of basic respect.
Those are the things that hurt.
I mean. My mom and dad misgender my cat all the time, too, but they at least correct themselves and allow themselves to be corrected about her pronouns without all the fanfare and complaining.
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Even though it's not terribly hard to track the real me down from my username here, I'd rather not. I can rep it to you tomorrow, though.
My future workplace has been incredibly supportive, so at least I don't have to worry about that. I thought about only using my middle name as my last name like a lot of girls I know on Facebook do, but I've decided I'm going to use my full chosen name. I guess we'll see if it gets reported or anything. Facebook's name policy is still horrible for trans people, after all.
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I'd very much appreciate a rep, but if that feels invasive of your privacy, I can appreciate that, too. It's not like I do Facebook much. Mainly it's just how I keep up with one kid.
I see what you mean about the hurtful pronouns. That's a slightly different category of "mistake." I hope it will improve in time, and I'll be here to listen if you need to scream when or if it doesn't.
Maryn, highly flexible
I see what you mean about the hurtful pronouns. That's a slightly different category of "mistake." I hope it will improve in time, and I'll be here to listen if you need to scream when or if it doesn't.
Maryn, highly flexible
It's kind of weird when you go to a party with a bunch of people who used to know you before transition and they just kind of act natural and you have to point out "oh by the way it's <new name> now" and you don't even bother doing that for everyone because that would be exhausting.
You should've gotten it a couple days ago btw.
You should've gotten it a couple days ago btw.
I did, and I thanked you by rep. I think. Or did I merely intend to? Where are my manners? (Probably that crammed sock drawer, which I typed as cock drawer, which made me laugh.)
Maryn, scattered
Maryn, scattered
Hehehehehehehe cock drawer.
So I have the weirdest most irrational fear. I recently realized the reason I've been procrastinating on getting the paperwork started for a hysterectomy is mostly that I'm afraid if I have breasts but no uterus I'm somehow more likely to be trans-bashed, and I know the wait for top surgery is inevitably long so I keep putting the hysto off to avoid some perceived threat.
Except that's ridiculous! It's not like people can somehow tell by looking at me whether I have any internal reproductive organs I no longer use. And if they could, I'm sure that would be the least on the list of things a transphobe might be resentful enough to assault me over.
Sometimes I think it's senseless and unfair of me to even be worried about becoming a target in the first place. I realize that trans women and femmes are way more at risk, and I hate the idea that my own timidness and neurosis might be appropriating something from people in far more danger.
I should really get moving on a hysto soon either way. Bad Things can happen after a few years on T if I don't.
So I have the weirdest most irrational fear. I recently realized the reason I've been procrastinating on getting the paperwork started for a hysterectomy is mostly that I'm afraid if I have breasts but no uterus I'm somehow more likely to be trans-bashed, and I know the wait for top surgery is inevitably long so I keep putting the hysto off to avoid some perceived threat.
Except that's ridiculous! It's not like people can somehow tell by looking at me whether I have any internal reproductive organs I no longer use. And if they could, I'm sure that would be the least on the list of things a transphobe might be resentful enough to assault me over.
Sometimes I think it's senseless and unfair of me to even be worried about becoming a target in the first place. I realize that trans women and femmes are way more at risk, and I hate the idea that my own timidness and neurosis might be appropriating something from people in far more danger.
I should really get moving on a hysto soon either way. Bad Things can happen after a few years on T if I don't.
What about Superman and his x-ray vision? That could be a problem if your paths cross.
Without intending to, we've been watching some of the qualifying events for the summer Olympics and noticed the body types for many of the sports are exactly those which would cause challenge by authority-wielding goons if a bathroom law were passed. A great many highly successful female athletes start with bone structure with shoulders broader than hips, and the muscle development for the individual sports can make the upper body even larger while keeping the hips slim and virtually fat-free, because man, these super athletic girls don't carry an extra weight, period. Even the big-thigh ones don't jiggle.
Maryn, of whom this cannot be said
Without intending to, we've been watching some of the qualifying events for the summer Olympics and noticed the body types for many of the sports are exactly those which would cause challenge by authority-wielding goons if a bathroom law were passed. A great many highly successful female athletes start with bone structure with shoulders broader than hips, and the muscle development for the individual sports can make the upper body even larger while keeping the hips slim and virtually fat-free, because man, these super athletic girls don't carry an extra weight, period. Even the big-thigh ones don't jiggle.
Maryn, of whom this cannot be said
Have you watched the US Olympic Marathon Trials??? They were back in February, actually, but the women's race was pretty amazing... Well, I won't spoil it for you.
The men's race was quite an upset, too, but not nearly as emotional as the women's race.
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I'm a little conflicted about my hair. I decided to grow it out to chin length last year, and I like it, but I feel like I look more feminine now. I rationally know that it's not contributing much to me being misgendered, because I was misgendered with short hair, too, but still. I don't really want to cut it right now, though.
I'm trying to decide if it would make any difference to my presentation if I tried to specifically copy a masculine long cut. Something like what Keanu Reeves had in John Wick, or Jared Padalecki in Supernatural right now. Or Brad Pitt. It seems like a lot of guys have a couple shorter strands on either side of their face, or some slight layering. It's hard for me to describe that, though.
I'm trying to decide if it would make any difference to my presentation if I tried to specifically copy a masculine long cut. Something like what Keanu Reeves had in John Wick, or Jared Padalecki in Supernatural right now. Or Brad Pitt. It seems like a lot of guys have a couple shorter strands on either side of their face, or some slight layering. It's hard for me to describe that, though.
Yes, there is a difference in masculine and feminine cuts even for longer hair. My hair used to look like what you're describing back before I got a bob. I've let it grow to shoulder length and it's no longer a bob exactly, but it still looks different from when it was this length when I started from more masculine cuts.
Men's longer cuts tend to taper in length much less dramatically compared to women's cuts. The back will tend to be just slightly longer than the front, while for women's cuts, the back tends to be either shorter and cleaned up (i.e., a bob) or much, much longer (i.e., short bangs). You can get some layers for those sideswept bangs.
Do you have any trans-friendly salons around? Just ask for a long men's cut, and maybe show some photos. Once they get it, they should know what to do, but you may have to make yourself super-clear that you want a men's cut.
I'd kind of like to get an undercut sometime just to try it out, but I don't know if it'd look good on me, and the prospect of waiting for it to grow out again is daunting. Same for a pixie.
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I don't have bangs at all right now. The front is slightly shorter than the back because I'm growing it out from when it was really short and I had a "short back and sides" cut. I was going to grow it all out to one length, but I'm considering keeping a slight taper. There's really no layering in my hair at all right now.
I've given up on hair places for the most part. I just go to Great Clips.
I think undercuts are cool, but considering how I try to stretch out the time between haircuts as much as possible, I think I would hate the upkeep.
I've given up on hair places for the most part. I just go to Great Clips.
I think undercuts are cool, but considering how I try to stretch out the time between haircuts as much as possible, I think I would hate the upkeep.
All one length is definitely a more feminine look. Men's longer haircuts will be at least a little shorter in front. And definitely go for some layers.
Well I guess that is the dude thing to do, I guess.
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Nice! I like it! You look really happy, too.
I think I'm going to look for a cool longer men's cut that I can take a picture of next time I go to get my hair cut. I wish there was a good trans-friendly hair place near me. There is one place that the local LGBT community seems to use a lot, but looking at their website, it looks like even they have different prices for men and women, and I'm just not comfortable with that. I've had okay luck with the Great Clips people giving me what I want. I used to have a really great stylist who cut my hair well, but alas, she closed up shop at the beginning of the year.
The only thing about longer hair is that so many of the male celebrities who rock that look are kind of...grungy-looking. Their hair always looks greasy, probably because they put a ton of product in it.
A trans pride bracelet I ordered from a seller on Etsy arrived a couple days ago. I really like it.
I think I'm going to look for a cool longer men's cut that I can take a picture of next time I go to get my hair cut. I wish there was a good trans-friendly hair place near me. There is one place that the local LGBT community seems to use a lot, but looking at their website, it looks like even they have different prices for men and women, and I'm just not comfortable with that. I've had okay luck with the Great Clips people giving me what I want. I used to have a really great stylist who cut my hair well, but alas, she closed up shop at the beginning of the year.
The only thing about longer hair is that so many of the male celebrities who rock that look are kind of...grungy-looking. Their hair always looks greasy, probably because they put a ton of product in it.
A trans pride bracelet I ordered from a seller on Etsy arrived a couple days ago. I really like it.
My local place is like that.
I still wonder if they charged me the women's price on my last haircut (in January, pre-HRT) based on my gender expression or based on the fact that I asked for a women's haircut.
Cool. Can we see?
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I don't have a picture of mine, but this is the one I got: https://www.etsy.com/listing/187412191/stretchy-transgender-trans-pride?ref=shop_home_active_19
I like the seller's stuff, though the bracelets aren't as stretchy as I'd originally expected (they still fit me well, though). I have bi pride and rainbow bracelets from them that I got a while back.