The "T" Party.

Mara

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I wonder if there's a reason behind that. I mean, most of the way people treat transgender (or any other QLTBAGer's) is just prejudice and hate, pure and simple.

But I wonder if sometimes it's simply a case of people seeing that the person is uncomfortable in themselves and being miserable, and misunderstanding the cause. Then, once the QLTBAG individual becomes comfortable with who they are, and therefore happy with themselves, the outsider finally "gets" it, or at least sees them happy and so doesn't try to interfere anymore. I dunno, seems a nice(er) theory anyway.

It's true in many cases, I think. There are a lot of people who don't understand transsexualism, and think we're hurting ourselves and need to be stopped for our own safety. When they see how much better off we are transitioned, they usually realize they were mistaken and everything's cool.
 

Kitty27

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Hello,all.


My friend is in the process of transitioning. I've known him for years,since middle school and learning about the process is fascinating to me. I confess that I was quite ignorant and had no idea of the massive work involved. He's the happiest that I've ever seen him and I support him fully. His family and friends are a different matter. It's heartbreaking to see how people claim to love someone,but it's really a conditional love. We are down like four flat tires. A friend should be a friend no matter what. I've had family and friends ask why I trust him with my kids. Believe me,I have cursed people out for this kind of foolishness.

I also noticed that some,not all,within the gay community,seem to have a problem with transgendered folk. I was like,damn,can transfolk get any love? Doing what makes your heart and soul happy isn't to be judged by anybody.
 
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Mara

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I also noticed that some,not all,within the gay community,seem to have a problem with transgendered folk.

Yep, and vice versa. This was a big problem in the '70s and there's still some resentment occasionally, but it seems to be less of a problem among the younger online generation of LGBT people. MacAllister actually mentioned it when she was talking about making this forum.

I've known some very homophobic transpeople online, and seen some examples of very transphobic gay people in the past, but it usually seems confined to fringe political extremists and "queerer-than-thou" types. And it's normally based in the same sort of ignorance you find among non-LGBT homophobes and transphobes.

Of course, since I'm pre-transition and live in a very conservative area without many openly QLTBAG folks, I haven't had a lot of experience dealing with either problem in real life.

And I'm not really looking forward to it, either. Being rejected by other lesbians is going to happen occasionally and going to hurt, no matter how "stealth-trans" I manage to be. And I'm already sick and tired of whining "gays are all transphobes that don't care about our rights" stuff from a few idiots in the trans community.

EDIT: I will be honest though, and say that being validated by being accepted as a lesbian by other lesbians has pretty much been an obsession of mine since before I understood I was trans. I kinda have the feeling that unless I'm totally undetectable as trans, many women are going to see me as a man and an intruder in their spaces. (So any *hugs* or encouragement would be welcome, honestly. I'm not too proud to whine. :))

And dating is even worse. And since I honestly imagine most lesbians will think I'm gross until I get SRS (which will take a lot of money and many years, after all my other transitioning), it's kinda depressing. But on the other hand, I've pretty much only dated bi-sexual women so far, so it's not like my dating pool is reduced so much.
 
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Bookewyrme

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But on the other hand, I've pretty much only dated bi-sexual women so far, so it's not like my dating pool is reduced so much.

I was literally one sentence away from quick replying with this very suggestion! And then I finished your post and realized it was unnecessary. :D

Anyway.

*hugs for Mara*
 

Diana Hignutt

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At 15 I started doing drugs to hide from my feelings....

To be continued...

I started doing lots of interesting stuff when I turned 15. It was a that age when I cam across my late uncle's occult encylopeadia, Man, Myth, and Magic, while on vacation in North Carolina at my grandparents. During the week I was there I read every page, and thus was born my intense interest in the occult world. Once I got home I hit the library hard and heavy. Do you know why? Do you know what my researches were working towards? I was trying to find a way through the occult sciences, to bend the laws of the universe to my will...I sought to magically transform myself into a woman. And I did any and all drugs I could to numb the pain my obsession caused me.

Here's somthing I've never admitted publicly before, and I'm sure it will be a highlight in my memoir: I attempted to summon the devil, so I could enter into a pact with him. Yes, now you might begin to undertand how desparate I was. I was willing to give up my immortal soul to become a woman. Luckily, Satan never showed up.

The next ten years, I spent playing my guitar, researching the occult, and doing drugs. I hated myself for my "weakness".

I'll try to get back quicker next time.

To be continued...

P.S. -I'm glad everyone is enjoying this thread. Keep up the great work. there are some really great posts here. There's a lot to learn about this topic.

P.P.S. _I've got to go shovel more snow. ERghh!
 

Diana Hignutt

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I'll try to get back quicker next time.

To be continued...

!

My teenage years were a nightmare. My secret quest filled many hours, and the vast majority of my energy. I did find time to learn how to play guitar and joined a couple of rock bands. I'm sure it will be a surprise to learn that someone who was actively studying metaphysics and mysticism in order to magically change gender, at no time considered the existing medical option. Back then, there weren't very many transsexual role models out there. I'd heard of Christine Jurgensen, of course. But, those people weren't really women, in my opinion of the time, they weere freaks. I wasn't a freak.

And, yes, I was romantically interested in girls. I had crushes all the time. I was so nervous and shy. I asked a couple of girls out in highschool, but they turned me down. I was never interested in guys. However, and this might get a little personal, in my "special alone time" I could only get off imagining myself as a woman. Yet, somehow, I was still partially convinced that if i found the right girl, my obsession would go away, and I would be freed of my curse, and be normal.

Now, here's a little opportunity to discuss a topic that both revolutionized concepts of transsexuality and pissed off a lot of tg folks. Early in the 2000's a theory was put forth, called: Autogynephilia. It means, very literally, "loving oneself as a woman". This theory put forth the concept that most transsexuals simply have the desire to have sex as a woman. Almost all members on the Benjamin Scale of Transsexuality that go on and have sex change surgery, officially called Sexual Reassignment Surgery or Gender Reassignment Surgery (SRS or GRS) tend to imagine themselves as woman in their sexual fantasies. Autogynephilia theory suggests that this is a mental obsessive fetish and the entire cause of transexualism. Critics of this theory were furious at the very thought. They viewed it as putting the cart before the horse. They pointed out that most genetic women technically have autogynephila as well. The theory has been largely debunked, but still has some adherents, most of whom are not transexuals.

My twenties were spent finishing college, playing lead guitar in rock bands, practicing and researching mysticism and the occult, and working for our family business, and doing insane amounts of drugs.

Next time: I meet Liz.
 

Bookewyrme

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Now, here's a little opportunity to discuss a topic that both revolutionized concepts of transsexuality and pissed off a lot of tg folks. Early in the 2000's a theory was put forth, called: Autogynephilia. It means, very literally, "loving oneself as a woman". This theory put forth the concept that most transsexuals simply have the desire to have sex as a woman. Almost all members on the Benjamin Scale of Transsexuality that go on and have sex change surgery, officially called Sexual Reassignment Surgery or Gender Reassignment Surgery (SRS or GRS) tend to imagine themselves as woman in their sexual fantasies. Autogynephilia theory suggests that this is a mental obsessive fetish and the entire cause of transexualism. Critics of this theory were furious at the very thought. They viewed it as putting the cart before the horse. They pointed out that most genetic women technically have autogynephila as well. The theory has been largely debunked, but still has some adherents, most of whom are not transexuals.

My first thought on this is, how did they explain women who wanted to be men? It's not something I want personally, but I first became aware of Gender Dysphoria and transgender issues through a female friend with a long-held discomfort with her gender. And I'm reasonably positive she's not alone in the world in this, but that particular theory seems very centered on men who want to be women. Am I missing something?
 

Diana Hignutt

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My first thought on this is, how did they explain women who wanted to be men? It's not something I want personally, but I first became aware of Gender Dysphoria and transgender issues through a female friend with a long-held discomfort with her gender. And I'm reasonably positive she's not alone in the world in this, but that particular theory seems very centered on men who want to be women. Am I missing something?

Well, the fact is, that many more men report their transexualism and get treatment for it, than women do. Vastly more. This possibily has to do with the fact that treatment options for F-to-M folks are, frankly, not as good as those for M-to-F peeps. Ten years ago, when I was in Montreal recovering from my GRS, my surgeon was talking to a potential F-to-M candidate. Dr. Menard suggested that the gentleman wait a few more years for new anti-rejection drugs to be perfected. Dr Menard seemed certain that a new revolution in the treatment of Gender Indentity Dysphoria through transplant technology was right around the corner.
 

Diana Hignutt

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I also noticed that some,not all,within the gay community,seem to have a problem with transgendered folk. I was like,damn,can transfolk get any love? Doing what makes your heart and soul happy isn't to be judged by anybody.

My intention was to gradually go post by post and hit each question as I come to it, so let this be the exception that proves the rule.

It is true that some of the GL folks have actively fought to remove inclusion of transgender rights from several bills that their PACs were working on. I remember the HRC being one of those orgs where this went on. It has been a while since I've heard about this kind of thing going on, however.
 

maxmordon

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My intention was to gradually go post by post and hit each question as I come to it, so let this be the exception that proves the rule.

It is true that some of the GL folks have actively fought to remove inclusion of transgender rights from several bills that their PACs were working on. I remember the HRC being one of those orgs where this went on. It has been a while since I've heard about this kind of thing going on, however.

I have heard this still continues on the Michigan Womyns Music Festival.
 

Diana Hignutt

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I have heard this still continues on the Michigan Womyns Music Festival.

They don't allow transfolk to participate in the festival, right? That's a bit different than QLTBAG orgs dissing their own trans members, but it still reaks for transphobia.
 

Mara

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My first thought on this is, how did they explain women who wanted to be men? It's not something I want personally, but I first became aware of Gender Dysphoria and transgender issues through a female friend with a long-held discomfort with her gender. And I'm reasonably positive she's not alone in the world in this, but that particular theory seems very centered on men who want to be women. Am I missing something?

Between 25% and 50% of transsexual people are trans men. But transphobes prefer to entirely ignore their existance. This mainly seems to be because transphobes don't actually know any transsexual people, and instead base their opinions on television shows or something.

Anyway, I'm sure that was a major factor in discrediting that theory.
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On the separate subject of LGB groups that discriminate against trans people, they're largely the minority now.

A few of the big groups really screwed up in 2007, by supporting a Federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act that specifically excluded trans people from protection. They thought it might help the bill get passed, because we were yucky freaks and maybe the straights would accept them if they distanced themselves from us. Instead, the bill still got rejected. Even worse, it set an explicit precedent that state/local anti-discrimination laws for gay people did not apply to trans people, forcing courts in some areas to take rights away from trans people.

But most of them apologized and swore they'd never do it again. ENDA 2009 included gender identity as a protected category. The Advocate did run a poll asking if members would support removing trans people from ENDA to try to get it to pass (obviously angering some trans people), but the overwhelming majority voted against it. And even Stonewall UK, which is one of the only big organizations that explicitly does not include "T" in its acronym, ended up backing down from giving an award to Julie Bindel, who has written some extremly transphobic things in the past ten years.

Most transphobia you'll find in groups who can't spell "Women" generally originated with a certain subset of radical feminists in the 1970s. These were generally middle/upper-class white women who didn't care about working-class women or non-white women. Many also believed that orientation was a choice, and "chose" to be lesbians.

They're still the boogeyman for some people (mostly on the far right) to point to when talking about "Feminazis." But the funny thing is that a huge percentage of them actually realized (duh) that orientation isn't a choice, announced that the evil lesbians had corrupted and molested them, joined the ex-gay movement, supported Prop 8, etc.

Some of the others, who actually happened to be lesbians, have started writing in far-right journals. Pro-Prop 8 pastor Rick Warren actually used them as examples of people he'd work with to undermine things he believed were immoral (pornography, in this specific example), and that's not exactly a ringing endorsement for anyone in the LGBT community.

So really, they're not representative of the greater lesbian community. Few of them are under sixty years old, so it doesn't seem like they were successful in recruiting anyone from younger generations.
 
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Diana Hignutt

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I decided to start a new band with a female singer. I think part of me just wanted the songs I was writing to be sung by a female voice. So, my longtime friend and drummer and I, put an ad in the local trade paper. It was our third audition that Liz came to. I fell in love immediately. It was like we knew each other forever. She sang David Gilmour's "Murder" without accompaniment and was hiried on the spot.

Liz was living with someone else when we met, who she broke up with so she could ask me out. After our first date, I knew we would be married before the year was out.

Yes, my obsession was still there, but it receded from prime importance. I deluded myself that all I needed was love and marriage, and this twisted secret of mine would slowly fade away. It didn't, of course.

One thing people don't realize is that Gender Identity Dysphoria is a life-threatening condition. I know i lot of people who would not have transitioned if it weren't for some medical condition, often a complication from the repression of living a lie. High Blood Pressure, Heart Conditions, Diverticular Disease, Depression, And, sadly Suicide, are not uncommon for people suffering from transsexualism.
 

Mara

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Anxiety is also a really common problem. For trans women, it's like that one inevitable episode from any 1990s or earlier sitcom where a female character tried to pass herself off as male for some reason, except the awkwardness is all the time. Same in reverse for trans men.

One of the best moments in my life happened Sunday, when I started having major depression at the beginning of the day, followed by the beginning of a serious anxiety attack. These are both the bane of my existance since high school. But then I realized I'd been mentally in "male mode" all day. I mentally forced a switch to female and was absurdedly happy within about five minutes.

Oddly enough, "failure to transition can be life-threatening" is even accepted by most of the remaining psychiatrists and psychologists who are considered enemies by most of the trans community. (Blanchard, the autogynephilia guy, for instance, fully supports the necessity of transitioning for many women, even if he won't accept that we're women.)
 

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I'm fairly ignorant about T-life in general, so please forgive me if my questions are stupid or offensive. I don't mean to be.

I've always assumed that MTF have a lot harder time of it than FTM, because FTM kind of fits in people's minds as the far end of an acceptable continuum: woman has short hair, okay; womans wear pants, okay; woman uses power tools, okay; woman wears vests and ties and other male-type clothes, okay; woman works as plumbers and construction workers and other male-dominated type jobs, okay; woman is a bodybuilder, okay;...woman becomes a man. Whereas with men, that acceptable continuum doesn't exist in our society: man has long hair -- OMG hippie freak! man wears a dress or makeup -- OMG he's a drag queen!; man works as a secretary or nurse -- OMG, he's such a girlie!; man has cleavage -- OMGWTFSAVEMEJESUS!!!!!

Is this true, or am I just wildly speculating?
 

Mara

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I'm fairly ignorant about T-life in general, so please forgive me if my questions are stupid or offensive. I don't mean to be.

I've always assumed that MTF have a lot harder time of it than FTM, because FTM kind of fits in people's minds as the far end of an acceptable continuum: woman has short hair, okay; womans wear pants, okay; woman uses power tools, okay; woman wears vests and ties and other male-type clothes, okay; woman works as plumbers and construction workers and other male-dominated type jobs, okay; woman is a bodybuilder, okay;...woman becomes a man. Whereas with men, that acceptable continuum doesn't exist in our society: man has long hair -- OMG hippie freak! man wears a dress or makeup -- OMG he's a drag queen!; man works as a secretary or nurse -- OMG, he's such a girlie!; man has cleavage -- OMGWTFSAVEMEJESUS!!!!!

Is this true, or am I just wildly speculating?

No real way to say for sure.

The majority of violent hate crimes, especially murders, seem to be against trans women, mostly working-class straight trans women (which is not a group I fit into). But there's more than enough misery to go around, and I wouldn't want to belittle anyone's struggles.

(Nor would I want to present being trans as being a victim. It's a balancing act, sometimes.)
 

kuwisdelu

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I'm fairly ignorant about T-life in general, so please forgive me if my questions are stupid or offensive. I don't mean to be.

I've always assumed that MTF have a lot harder time of it than FTM, because FTM kind of fits in people's minds as the far end of an acceptable continuum: woman has short hair, okay; womans wear pants, okay; woman uses power tools, okay; woman wears vests and ties and other male-type clothes, okay; woman works as plumbers and construction workers and other male-dominated type jobs, okay; woman is a bodybuilder, okay;...woman becomes a man. Whereas with men, that acceptable continuum doesn't exist in our society: man has long hair -- OMG hippie freak! man wears a dress or makeup -- OMG he's a drag queen!; man works as a secretary or nurse -- OMG, he's such a girlie!; man has cleavage -- OMGWTFSAVEMEJESUS!!!!!

Is this true, or am I just wildly speculating?

Well some of that depends where you live. There are plenty of people who wouldn't notice anything odd about a guy with long hair. Meanwhile, there are also plenty of people who are terribly uncomfortable with women having stereotypically male jobs or doing "male" anything.

I don't know what the statistics are, and it's difficult to nail down such a diverse society's attitudes on something like that. But one other possibility is that regardless of gender, females have long been called "the weaker sex". And even if that's a bunch of bullshit, women are generally considered more vulnerable, which would suggest both men passing as women or trans women would be victims more often than the other way around.
 

Diana Hignutt

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I was digging around for my passport yesterday, and I found something from my old records. When I was getting ready to transition, after telling my closest family and friends about my decision, I sent a letter to my coworkers, more distand relatives and such, describing my situation and outlining my course of action. I didn't find that letter, but I found the one I sent to various vendors and customers for work. I post it here for your enjoyment. And, when I find the long letter, I'll post that too.

July 15, 1998

Dear Customer:

How does that old saying go? "Change is the only constant in the Universe." Something like that. On July 1, 1998, pursuant to my decision to undergo Gender Reassignment, I began to live as a woman. The reasons for this are outlined in the attached letter. I am using the name Diana Hignutt, which I will be making legal in the next month or so. However, I will answer to anything you wish to call me (Timi, Tim, Diana, Di, whatever).

Most importantly, I want to assure you that this will not affect my ability to help provide you with the products, parts and services you require. I look forward to working with you toward our mutual benefit. Thank you for your consideration in this matter.

Very truly yours,

Diana Hignutt

The letter to vendors only differed in the first sentence of the second paragraph.

Obviously, I don't do stealth.
 

Diana Hignutt

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Just out of curiousity, did you encounter any resistance from vendors/coworkers/customers etc?

Vendors: No, I sell a lot of their equipment

Customers: One, early on when I was still working on my voice.

Coworkers: A little resistance and back-biting at first, I had to regain their trust, but I did.